(photoshoot from last year – and having a little “fun” with my style LOL)
Just because…and some things I struggle with and that I’d like to continue to “work” on for next year:
- I’d like to just GET DRESSED sometimes, and not over-analyze every.single.thing.all.the.time. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR ME – I get so frustrated over-thinking every outfit all the time. I don’t want to do it anymore. But the problem is that I am not the kind of person who CAN just get dressed: just “throw” something on and go, or stay in my “home” or “workout” clothes. What I can do, is continue to make sure that everything in my wardrobe goes together and fits, and try to be less hard on myself.
- My large calves and smaller waist make finding jeans/pants really difficult. REALLY. I’d like to stop trying to force myself into skinny or straight jeans and embrace the wider leg. And be okay with the fact that jeans are NOT going to look on me like they look on others.
- Balancing my slouchy, unstructured side with my more edgy, black, “hard” and structured side (like Elizabeth Suzann/No6 vs. Alexander Wang/Freda Salvador).
- Understanding that I can admire and love looks/styles on others without having to try and force those looks to work on ME
- Hiding myself; I’d like to try and be more comfortable “out in the open” as it were…not wearing longer jackets/cardigans all the time for fear that someone will notice that I have saddlebags.
- HAVE MORE FUN with my clothes. I don’t really know how to do that though, because every time I buy something I perceive as “fun” (Rachel Comey Mars Mules in gold. Ahem.), I don’t wear them.
What are your style struggles?
With the exception of #2 and a different reason for #5 (I don’t want people to see that I have no butt and straight, nearly inverted hips) our lists could be the same. Good luck to both of us and if you discover any technique that works for you I know you will share it on this blog. Thanks in advance!
I would love to have more fun with and relax in my clothes. There is always something about nearly every outfit I wear that annoys me or makes me feel uncomfortable either physically or emotionally. It is tiresome. I have given away so many “fun” things that in the end I was too uncomfortable or embarrassed to wear. I have made a tiny bit of progress, though. I have started wearing fancier clothing to the grocery store and just out and about in general instead of letting these nice things languish in my closet, unloved, until I give them away.
Being unwilling to accept that certain items I love don’t fit right or look good on me.
Having the courage to wear what I love (James Perse rushed dresses) without feeling self-conscious about the form fitting silhouette. I wore a dress with a Eileen Fisher cardigan to a business meeting. I loved the look but I could tell that it was sexy and I am not sure how to balance sexy with appropriate (hiding)
I totally identify with #4! I’m learning how to say “I love that person/designer’s style, but it’s not MY style…. and that’s okay!” The other big thing I struggle with is fleeting self-confidence. For example. I order something to wear when I’m feeling good, but then when it gets here and I try it on, my self-confidence goes flat and I’m like WHAT WAS I THINKING I CAN’T WEAR THIS. So I end up with unworn items because I think I can’t “pull them off.” So I either need to keep my self-confidence up, or maybe not buy stuff that’s outside my comfort zone so often.
There are billions of things to think about–but to direct that much thought to what you wear seems like a waste of gray matter! You look fantastic, you have great personal style and if you should ever be doubting this, go back and look over all your posts and take in all the positive feedback. Secondly, be grateful! You have an enviable wardrobe, but more importantly you have a beautiful, strong and healthy body that you obviously have worked hard to achieve. Truly, your openness and vulnerability is refreshing and I’m sure that is why you have faithful readers–and as a reader I am over here in my little corner cheering and waiting for the day you accept yourself–all your selves; the you in your comfort zone of JP and that other part of yourself that I think wants to wear gold mules that say “notice me”!
Hope you take this in the spirit its intended. I, in no way, seek to dimish your thought/feelings…the struggle in one form or another is real for all of us. As an aside, I promised myself that I would learn to be more confident and accept myself by the time I turned 50. I didn’t. Growing up and becoming a woman is hard enough in this society–but no woman should enter midlife carry that bs baggage that makes us feel anything less than wonderous human beings we are. Please succeed where I failed! I’m getting there, but the wasted years can’t be reclaimed!
I can relate to most of your struggles. For me, mine are:
– your #1, ditto. On the bright side, it’s better than not caring at all about one’s appearance, right?
– I’m curvy but petite. And I also currently have a belly & back fat. Most off the rack clothing is not made for someone with a big behind, busty, with narrow shoulder and 5’1″. When I’m fit and weight is stable, I usually invest in expensive tailoring but when my weight is still fluctuating, it doesn’t make sense to do that. I can also squeeze into some XS and S when I’m fit. Also finding good tailors on Maui without a long waitlist is nearly impossible.
-My life has gone through big changes the past 6 years, which also resulted in a change of wardrobe. Changing wardrobe needs can be fun but I have to be careful to keep it on budget. When I get into hunt and gather mode, it’s very dangerous for my bank account.
-I used to struggle with buying things I loved that weren’t right for me or an all over the place style. I don’t think that is much of a struggle now and honestly approaching 50 with self acceptance has helped with that. I no longer feel pressure to be on trend, sexy or incorporate color. I can just be myself and that self no longer wants “it” items, girly details or flourishes, just nice simple shapes in neutral colors and good fabric.
I have one unsolicited suggestion about your jeans issue – own less. Find a few that you like the fit and wear them frequently. I wear jeans to work nearly every day and I often wear the same two pairs all week. I just got rid of any jeans that I felt so so about and now just wear the same few pairs constantly.
Stated very well and with compassion, Debi!
Grechen, we, your loyal followers (and there are a LOT of us, in case you haven’t noticed!) really love you for who you are: The stylish blogger who doesn’t “fake it”…a REAL woman (yes, I know all women are real) who is open, honest and transparent about her personal struggles…the woman with a bangin’ bod who worked her *ss off for it but whose mental image hasn’t quite caught up yet…someone who has a wardrobe and style that I’m totally envious of…and yet, you’re relatable.
I’m going to give you the pep-talk I always give my daughters when they’re struggling: “Girl (Ok, I don’t really say that 😉 ), you have to start using positive self-talk! Instead of “I can’t” or “I don’t know how,” reframe that to “I WILL, I CAN learn how, and I LOVE myself”! It’s an on-going process, even at 56. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it CAN change. Love you! XOX
1) I think my biggest wardrobe challenge is to stop,procrastinating about getting rid of the excess in my wardrobe. I know what my favorites are, so now I’ve just got to find them in this mess!!!
2) Stop ordering so much online that I have to return because of fit issues. Especially jeans. Repeat to self: Jeans MUST be TRIED ON!!!
3) Enough stripes for now. 🙂 Probably forever, actually!
4) Buy better quality shoes.
Grechen Reiter says
thanks debi – i hear you 🙂
i want this so badly…to just “be” and embrace all my quirks and bumps.
and i’m working on being more grateful. that is the key i think, and something i want to really focus on daily: gratitude – not that i’m not, i absolutely am thankful for all i have and all i am, but there’s always that little nagging “something” /voice that says it’s not enough.
My computer froze in mid paragraph to you yesterday- But- this is basically it-
First I totally agree with Debi and again w MamaV!
Regina Brett once wrote, ‘If everyone could throw their problems in a pile and you could see everyone else’s problems you would grab back your own.” Meaning, I would love to be a size 28 in jeans like you.
My wardrobe struggles are not knowing what looks good on me anymore I used to be the same size my whole adulthood. Now at 53 and going through menopause the last 7 years I have to try everything on. I have gone from a 4 to 6 stayed there for a longtime then to 8 now I hover between 8-10 . I have never tried to fit in when it comes to style. Ive always worn what I liked but now with an ass and a belly I do wear loose fitting or flowy tops and sweaters. The hot flashes do a number on your outfit planning as well. I have not worn a turtleneck the whole day in all this time and gave away all of them. Since turning 50 I try to look more pulled together- wearing pieces that go together instead of just t-shirts and jeans all the time . Keep rockin what you love to wear and what makes you feel good-
Merry Christmas, Gena
No kidding about the hot flashes being a wardrobe changer, Gena! I’m in the same boat with my turtlenecks and even my regular sweaters. Forget wool, and cashmere is iffy. It’s all about the lightweight cotton. I haven’t been cold in 5 years!