Rag & Bone Maya jeans
Vetta Capsule oversized organic cotton sweater | I purchased secondhand via Slowre
Golden Goose hi-star sneakers
So you can appreciate his crazy hair 😉
Well, here I am. Hello! I have so many things I want to talk about I have no idea even where to start. And let’s be honest, I probably won’t get to mention most of them. Hawk is happily napping in the Snoo right now, but his daytime naps don’t usually last very long unless he’s attached to me. He is getting so big – big is relative I guess, big for him! – and has his four month doctor’s appointment on Monday. It’s so exciting watching him discover new things (his toes! his hands!) and interact with people and objects.
Hawk’s favorite thing to do is watch videos of himself; he cracks up laughing and giggling, it’s the most amazing thing. And we can spend forever in front of a mirror watching each other make faces. Who would have thought that would be so entertaining LOL.
I am doing okay, aside from being in pain all the time. Which really means I’m not doing okay, but I’m managing. I’m going to see a physical therapist this week and try to pinpoint what exactly is the problem and what I can do about it. I do know I have diastasis recti and that I need to work to fix that, but I’ve also had terrible sciatica, and what I think may be pelvic girdle pain. Thanks dr. google haha. It’s not just “normal” body pain from carrying a baby around all the time – I feel like I’ve ridden a bike up a hill for hours every day.
The hardest thing for me to come to terms with is how physically active I was and comfortable I felt in my body before (and even during) pregnancy, and how NOT true that is for me now, when I need that the most! I can’t easily get up and down off the floor now; it is just too painful. Standing up from sitting is difficult – I have to brace myself. And let’s not even talk about getting up out of bed after I’ve been immobile for a few hours.
I had to stop doing Pure Barre after being back for several weeks because the pain was so bad. I honestly thought that because I was in such great shape before and during pregnancy that postpartum would be much easier. Ha. I have been feeling like seven years of Pure Barre and the physical and emotional strength I derived from that is completely gone, never to return, and that really breaks my heart.
But now that all that’s out in the open, I have to move on. I did decide a couple days ago that I would be so much happier if I just accepted that this is the new normal for my body for RIGHT NOW. And I have been shifting my focus to just doing the best I can instead of feeling sorry for myself, which does help. I know it won’t last forever, and I am going to actively work to alleviate the pain and become more comfortable in my body, but I also can’t keep feeling so bad about it.
Same goes for trying to find clothes that fit. I have bought and returned so many things recently it’s not even worth talking about. Out of desperation and frustration I have tried everything, and nothing has really fit or worked like I wanted it to (I think I was trying to find things that would make me look like I looked before…which is the problem, right?). I did have luck with some things though (not pants or bottoms) that I’ll try and talk about next week.
Ah, it sounds like I am deep in despair, but I am not. I am so happy, and excited about being Hawk’s mom and watching him grow. I have mostly let go of trying to get a lot of work done during the days; I do it when I can, and ignore it when I can’t.
I have been thinking about what my life would look like without “work” outside of being a mom. Just throwing ideas around and really sitting with the feelings I have about working and why I would continue to do it when I don’t absolutely HAVE to. But that’s a topic for another day…Hawk is awake!!
I hope all is well with all of you! Thanks for checking in 🙂
I hope you feel better soon! A good physical therapist is worth their weight in gold.
Have so enjoyed seeing Hawk grow ! He is one adorable fellow. You look great too ! Sorry to hear you’re in physical discomfort. You might look into Egoscue in Austin. My husband and I have found great relief using their exercises/methodology. Much focus on alignment not unlike the different barre disciplines. Hope you’ll feel well soon.
I’m so sorry you’re in so much pain. I think there are two threads here – one, you may be injured, two, once the injury has healed you will want to get back in shape. Does that make sense? Separate but dependent issues. Heal first, not to worry about getting back into shape because that is always possible once you are healthy again.
And Hawk! Look at that little chunk! Nom nom nom!
I’ve gotta say, you look perky and happy. And Hawk just keeps getting cuter and cuter! It’s so great seeing updates from you. I hope you can get to the bottom of the pain. It’s hard to feel like you’re at your best when you’re hurting. As for “work,” do what’s right for you at this stage of your life. Your future is wide open. Happy Holidays!
It’s all so much at once – new body, new person to love and care for, “new” life. I’m sorry you’re in pain. That has to make all the “new” harder to enjoy. I’m glad you’re seeking professional help with that – I’ll bet they can help. Some parts of our lives seem so much longer when we’re in them than when we look back on them, and the “new baby” phase is an excellent example of that phenomenon. You look happy, and Hawk is growing so fast! I hope your pain is sorted out soon, and keep enjoying that cutie pie.
I loved reading your updates, though I’m sorry to hear you’re in pain! I am recovering from my first athletic injury right now and I’m really kicking myself for taking for granted before how it felt to be in an able, pain-free body! So I’m also starting down the PT road.
Have you heard of pelvic floor physical therapy? Maybe that’s what you’re trying out, but just in case … I have a friend who’s needed it, and it’s worked wonders. Apparently, it’s standard postpartum orders in France for post-birth recovery. Based on what you described, it may be helpful if you can find a good provider in your area!
Hi Gretchen! Mommastrong (mommastrong.com) is a great fitness program developed specifically for moms by a physical therapist, and has a really supportive Facebook community to accompany it. There are specific programs for DR and sciatica. I’ve found it really helpful in adjusting to my body postpartum and for overall healing. It’s $5 a month. Just an idea! Hope you feel better soon 🙂 Hawk is beautiful, and you are an amazing female goddess that grew, birthed, and supports another human – can we just take a minute to appreciate how incredible that is?!
Ah, mamma. I feel you. When I had our daughter I quit my full time job and continued working 1/2 time from home in my husbands business. I remember days running into weeks getting nothing done on my to do list. It was defeating and hard and frustrating. One day my husband came home to tears, me crying saying ‘ all I did all day was hold her’. No shower, no meals prepared, no laundry. His comment still makes me feel good. He said, “ ah, that’s great Honey. I’m so glad it was you who got to hold her all day. You got done exactly wha t you were supposed to”.
Having a baby is stressful enough without all the pressure we push upon ourselves to get it all done. Do what you can, take care Hawk, take care of you. You got this. And that body? It takes time. You are beautiful just the way you are.
That’s beautiful, Jo! A supportive partner is worth their weight in gold.
Find a really good Pilates teacher. Not just any Pilates teacher- A really good experienced teacher.
You will be amazed. Expensive but worth it.
Hi Grechen! That’s a gorgeous photo of you and Hawk, and he definitely is getting so big! I’m sorry you are experiencing pain. After the birth of each of my children, I had pretty severe joint pain in my arms and legs that eventually went away. Mine was probably a combination of hormones and autoimmune issues, but thankfully it didn’t last. I hope that you are able to get some answers soon and find relief, too.
One thing I never did was take care of myself when my children were young. I am beginning to learn just now how important it is. Make a doctor’s appointment. Go get a MRI. You may have a herniated or ruptured disc. Hawk, who by the way is DELICIOUS and ADORABLE, is easier now because he is immobile. Take care of this now. You are important. No one should live in pain.
BTW I am an Occupational Therapist so I’m not just shooting advice from my ass.
Just saying lol.
You are rocking it Mama! He is so super cute and despite your pain, you look radiant and happy!
Excellent advice! Yes – prioritize healing and get appropriate therapy – it’s vital! Diastasis recti can have a domino effect on the rest of the body as your body tries to compensate.
I’m so sorry you’re in pain, it makes everything so much harder to handle.
xo
Hawk is looking so happy and healthy, you are doing such a great job! I had joint pain after the birth of my first child. It was in my knees, my hips, my lower back. Bending and squatting was painful, and you are always bending over with a baby! I had it for the first year after she was born, and into the second year, then it just went away. I didn’t have any of the same joint pain after my second child was born. I always figured it was some kind of immune reaction, but I never really got a diagnosis or found any definitive answers.
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