My serious little man…
Splendid Thermal crew neck tee | so old I can’t remember –
the linked henley version is 20% off at Shopbop rn
Ace & Jig Milo overalls (large)
Birkenstock Boston clogs
Hi! It’s been awhile…sorry. But thank you for continuing to check in. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving, in spite of it looking quite different this year.
I could write forever now, updating you on everything, but I don’t have it in me. I’ll try to summarize 😉
These last few weeks I’ve really been living in my reality – facing facts I would rather not – and have come to terms with a few things.
One – although I have had some anxiety most of my life, I’ve been able to “control” it for the most part myself, without medication. Until now. I have had some episodes recently that I couldn’t get a handle on, and frankly scared me, so I’m going to start taking something. I’ve also had bloodwork to test my hormone levels as my doctor thinks imbalance could be a big factor too, given all the other things I’m still experiencing 15 months postpartum. We’ll see. I need to feel better.
Two – I am incredibly thankful and lucky that I don’t have to continue to work if I don’t want to. At this point, it’s adding more stress to my life than it’s worth, in general, so I will probably cut back on Slowre. I haven’t decided for sure yet and I hate that I have to choose between work and Hawk, but I think I might have to, and Hawk will absolutely come first.
Three – I have moments here and there when I get really upset about my weight, but for the most part I have accepted that this is my body. Not “for now” – it just is. I had big plans to get on a more stringent exercise program in December to try to lose weight, but at this point I still feel like I’m in survival mode and doing all the physical activity my body can handle. And I don’t feel mentally prepared to give up my small brownie-with-tea-during-naptime habit I’ve recently adopted, so….
I hope that by freeing up some of my time by cutting back on slowre I’ll be able to write more here, so I’ll expand on each of the points above eventually. Or maybe not. Again, I’m so thankful to be in the position to work or not work – It’s not lost on me how fortunate I am. I’ve had a very hard time thinking about cutting back working even more than I have already; I feel like a failure, like I’m letting Hawk down, etc., etc. It’s all very confusing and feels “wrong” in some way, even though this will probably be the most “right” thing I’ve ever done.
I’ll come back next week and tell you about what I bought during the sales (it wasn’t a lot), but definitely check out Girlfriend Collective and Shopbop if you haven’t already. I am living in my Splendid thermal pieces lately – this tee and the cardigan – and they are older than I can remember, still going strong; I recommend them highly. They’re on sale, along with most of the site: 20% off orders over $200 until 11/29.
How are you? How did you spend Thanksgiving? Did you buy anything during the sales?
First, and most important, keep taking care of you and loved ones. Thank you for sharing. Regarding your Black Friday shopping question …. I have discovered the warmth, comfort and durability of cashmere as tank tops. I purchased two over the past few weeks, both Vince. I feel very lucky I can outfit myself with these little luxuries that are feeling quite comforting right now. Be well, everyone.
Thanks for sharing your little guy.
You know, life is short, and if you don’t have to work and it doesn’t make you happy, then there is absolutely no reason not to stop. If your anxiety is too pronounced to handle without medication (and, BTW, this is true for many now when it wasn’t previously because, global pandemic), take medication. I truly want you to be happy, because you have been a resource and a comfort and a joy in your presence here. Sending you love.
Lisa´s last blog post ..Dust On The Mirror, Or, Saturday Morning at 10:48am
Hawk with the leaves is adorable! I absolutely relate to what you are saying. Struggling with anxiety for the majority of my adult life had ups and downs. I found that there were situational triggers (like 9/11) that made it so much worse and escalated what I was already struggling to control on my own. Medication has helped me immensely and feel like myself again. However, the pandemic threw me for a loop. With a little one at home and the push/pull of work outside of all the normal stresses of life, I totally encourage you to do whatever is best for you and your family. Take good care.
I love this picture of your “serious” little man…..he is clearly doing important work with all those leaves! 😉
It sounds like you have being doing a lot of productive thinking concerning your future, and I have every confidence in your capacity to make whatever decisions are necessary to ensure a positive life for you and your family. As a poster that I gifted to a friend says, “You Got This Mama!”
Sending lots of love your way through the airwaves.
Oh my goodness! Look at your little cutie pie being all busy with the leaves!
I had intended to work after I had my first daughter, and I was able to bring her to work with me, thanks to an open-minded boss, which was convenient since I was breastfeeding. But before long, she was toddling and curious, and my attention was divided. I realized that more than anything, I wanted to be home with her, so I quit. It was the best thing I ever did, but not without consequences. Financially, we took a big hit even though we’ve always gotten by. The hardest part is getting back into the work force when you’re ready to jump back in, but that’s probably not an issue if you’re self-employed. I think you just have to weigh it all and decide on what’s best for you and your family.
Good for you, taking charge of your mental health. Short-term, meds combined with exercise and talk therapy can have amazing results on your well-being.
It’s a tough but good thing to look our struggles in the eye and acknowledge them out loud. You set a good example by reminding us what doing that looks like, especially now. As someone who also wrestles with anxiety, it’s a bear, and I’m glad to hear that you’re getting help. Also glad to hear you may be writing more, as I’ve always appreciated your curious, insightful, voice, trying to figure it all out.
oh, cashmere tank tops sound wonderful!! if i didn’t run so hot lately I’d be all over that…
i have a very lightweight cashmere tee i purchased secondhand that i can’t even wear now because i get much too hot in it. for now, it’s just cotton for me i’m afraid…
yes, thank you lisa. it’s odd, but sometimes i forget that we’re in a pandemic. not really, but it’s sort of become normalized for me. i have just gotten used to not going anywhere and to things not being the way they used to be. maybe it has “helped” a little that my routine was changing anyway. but definitely it is taking a toll on me, and everyone, even if it doesn’t feel like “the reason” things are going sideways for me now…
thanks amy 🙂
my anxiety is definitely situational – and to me it has always felt sort of justified? and even lately still, but it is much more extreme if that makes sense. heart racing, full on panic attacks…ugh. I’m looking forward to a little evening out if I can get it.
haha. thank you kathryn!! his work is always so important to him, and serious. as i look back through most pictures/videos he is more serious than silly, which very much takes after me, but i guess that’s okay…he can be very silly when he wants to be 🙂
he is always so happy when he’s outside. i promise he is happy…even though he doesn’t always look it LOL –
Hang in there! Life is long, and seldom a straight line. In my 40s now and can see all the twists and turns my college friends and I have had in life. I don’t think anyone is still on plan A (or B, or C for that matter). Don’t worry about it. Just do the best you can right now. You have infinite capacity for reinvention, as you have already proven in your life.
My eldest was a serious child and has grown into a rather serious, earnest adult. People have always tried to get her to “lighten up” (and when she was younger to get me to help her do that). I love it that you let your Hawk be his own serious self. We need those people in the world; they are the ones that end up looking out for the rest of us. Those overalls are really, really good. I just love them. Your physical self is great in those or anything. It’s still doing awesome body things all the time – feeling good mentally and physically is the thing, and if taking advantage of the blessings of modern medicine makes that happen, then why not, and thank your lucky stars we live in our time (for real, even this otherwise wretched year).