James Perse henley dress | size 2 (purchased during the Nordstrom anniversary sale)
I posted this dress yesterday on instagram, mostly as a response to the voices in my head that were telling me I shouldn’t wear it because of how it really accentuates my underarm fat. I decided not to listen to those voices, BUT the more reasonable voices in my head were quite concerned about how low cut the neckline is AND the color, so I wasn’t sure I would keep it. It is a nice color, but slightly more purple than I’d like, and I have so much trouble with color…in that I don’t actually WEAR it, even if I do have it in my wardrobe.
The dress is stunning, and fits like a glove in the size 2. Of course that’s nothing new for James Perse; his dresses just suit me, which is why I have so many of them. This one though – I’m not keeping. I could have dealt with one strike against it, either the low neckline or the color, but both? Not good enough. I’d rather use that money for the open back skinny dress I’ve been wanting for two years now, or even this v-neck 3/4 sleeve dress, which would be excellent for fall, or nothing at all.
So, after I took the photos above, looked down, and realized my boobs were about to literally fall out of the dress, and that that would severely limit my ability to wear it as often as I’d want to, I decided not to keep it and went and put this black dress on, the one I’ve been wearing quite a bit lately:
James Perse high gauge shirred dress | sold out, I bought mine early this year during their winter sale
As soon as I put this dress on, and these shoes, and this bag, I felt like I could relax. I don’t know how else to explain it; I just felt DONE, you know? Like I didn’t have to think about what I’d wear, or how I looked, or if I felt comfortable, I just did. All day I felt happy, comfortable, and so much like me, I was almost giddy.
Yes, I realize that sounds a little weird, and maybe you think, whoa, all these feelings about clothes? Well…yes. That’s just how I am. And the truth is, I’ve been floundering all summer* – feeling full of anxiety and just generally uncomfortable, and yesterday was one of the first days I felt normal.
The last week or so, all my anxiety had filtered down and manifested in non-stop shopping. That’s how I deal with my anxiety; I shop. I search for THE PERFECT thing, whatever it is I happen to need at the moment. And this time, it was a bag, and new sneakers. I literally spent hours searching and obsessing over finding the perfect bag, with all of my requirements, going back and forth between the ones on the short list, trying to make myself just order already.
I never did, although I wanted to. And sneakers. I didn’t find a new pair of those either. I certainly tried. I just wanted new. Different. Better. Perfect.
And then, this outfit. Wearing it made me realize that I already have “perfection,” such as it is. I have amazing, beautiful, stunning pieces already in my closet; things that make me feel like myself, and allow me to move on from anxiety and insecurities to just be me.
So, I am good. And happy to NOT keep the henley dress. I’m also happy to sell it to anyone who wants it for what I paid for it: $150. Here it is on SLOWRE >
*I honestly am beginning to think most of my anxiety issues are hormonal – they come and go on waves, and when they go, they’re gone, but when they’re here, they are FULL FORCE. Gotta look into that. Combined with my step-son being here with us all summer, I was a mess 🙁
I think you are spot on with your dress logic… I love dress #2 on you and agree, that is totally purple! Makes me think of those old kook aid ads… Now, wishing I owned dress #2!!
Grechen, have you tried on the v neck dress? I love it as well, but I worry that it will be too low cut to be comfortable…
I love the purple but I totally understand the anxiety of not wanting to wear something that doesn’t feel like you. On your recommendation I bought the open back skinny dress earlier this year and I LOVE it. Highly recommend if you decide to go for that! (Only downside is that it’s pretty long – I’m 5’8″ and it’s to my mid-calf, so it’s a little hard to walk in.)
Completely unrelated to the dress (though I agree that you have lovely things and I suffer from the same thought process), I wanted to chime in about the anxiety being hormonal. I was noticing patterns in my anxiety, and with Googling, I learned that it’s definitely a thing for many women. And after some journaling and calendar tracking, I realized that my anxiety hits about 7-10 days after my period ends. I can’t do much to change that, but knowing to be prepared for it and knowing that these feelings and worries are related to my hormones and anxiety has been hugely beneficial. Best of luck!
yes, those mid-calf dresses are a little longer, and take some getting used to to walk in!! but i really love the length with flats 😉
no, i haven’t tried it. i should have…i was in the JP store yesterday!!
i see that it’s pretty low, but that wider neckline doesn’t seem to bother me as much as the split neck like on the henley dress.
but yes, on the model it looks rather low …i’ll try it on as soon as I can and report back, maybe with a pic 🙂
dress #2 is so good…maybe it’ll pop back up again during their thanksgiving sale? the “kona” color was so nice, it’s more what i’m looking for, a richer brown/burgundy color, instead of the purple-y color of this one…i wish I’d bought it also. but i don’t buy multiples anymore LOL
thank you kate! there’s a blurb about that actually in goop this week, which is what got me started thinking that it might be hormonal. that, and yesterday, i honestly felt SO DIFFERENT than i had the previous week or so, i was sort of shocked. i felt like a different person. which made me think it must be hormonal. the problem for me is that i really don’t have a “period” (i have an IUD) and if i do, i only just spot a teeny bit, or sometimes not at all, so it’s hard for me to even tell when it’s coming.
i suppose if i kept a journal, like you suggest, and pay very close attention to my moods, etc., i will be able to determine it better.
**no, it wasn’t goop, it was the CLEAN blog http://blog.cleanprogram.com/pms/
Dress #2 looks amazing! It almost looks navy on my screen.
I totally have the same way about picking clothes – I try to keep the ones that I absolutely love and that make me feel great. It’s not worth spending my money on them otherwise. I’m glad I’ve finally found this assertive attitude to sending stuff back if it doesn’t suit me 100%.
i still have a hard time with it though – i’m working through my closet a little now, purging things that i should NEVEr have kept, but for some reason i fell in love with. i’m so emotional LOL – it’s frustrating!!!
Oh absolutely!! One of my tricks now is to only buy in season (I think you do that too), wear an item within 2 weeks of purchase or it is sent back, and I almost never buy on sale so that I really think through whether I’m willing to pay the full price for the item.
On emotions: I was almost in tears last night because the bra sales lady told me that a different bra would work better than the one I’ve been buying for the last four-ish years. I realized that bra represented stress-free bra shopping for me and that’s why I was so upset. Emotions are so bizarre!
#1 looks gorgeous but I know for myself, the thing that keeps me reaching for my favourites is how I feel in them, not how I look in them. Otherwise I have a wardrobe of good looking, little worn clothes, not my goal!
Yes, dress #2 totally suits you and you look like Grechen at her most comfortable and “done” in an understated and classic way. Love it! But also… DAMN, GIRL! You look amazing in dress #1. Yowza! You have EARNED those curves and muscles and my first thought was “Grechen is really fit!” That alone was inspiring for me. I am now going outside for a run, thanks to you in that dress. That is all.
haha 🙂 thank you susan!
enjoy your run!!
yes. not what i want either!
I think you look great in both but purple is my favorite color. Definitely liked seeing you in something more body conscious (I can see the results from all your barre work) but I totally get the comfort and feels more like me factors.
I could’ve written the too much shopping paragraph myself! I go on these hunt for the perfect “whatever” item I’ve recently decided I needed too. It’s almost like I’ve created a project to keep me occupied and distracted when I should be doing something else. It’s like productive procrastination. It can last for weeks since being on Maui means online orders (shopping sucks here, Honolulu is a bit better). And yes, when I have deadlines or other stress it’s worse. I can still remember taking all my college finals in brand new outfits because I always would go on a shopping spree the weekend before at Contempo Casuals, Wet Seal or the local surf shops. Upcoming travel always gets me going on the hunt too (so it’s good stress too, as in being prepared for approaching fun). I never thought about the hormonal shift but will definitely look for that link now. I have a habit tracker where I log zero spend days and I’m also keeping a spending diary so it should be easy to see those relationships.
yes, i only buy in season (well, MOSTLY only, i did just order this reformation surplus leather jacket because it’s on sale, and looks pretty close to what i was looking for), and try not to buy on sale. haha – see above 😉
that helps but i still make a lot of mistakes!!
oh my gosh, i totally feel you on the bra thing – bras are something i just want to buy the same of and forget about it…
I really like your 2 strikes thing! I’m going to start applying that when shopping for something. Whenever I purchase an item that has too many drawbacks, I never end up wearing it. From now on, 2 strikes and you’re out….. of the closet!! That purple color is really lovely on you, though. But let’s be real; that black dress is absolutely PERFECTION!!
THAT’S WHAT I DO TOO!!!!!! i am 100% a procrastinator, always have been, putting off whatever it is i don’t want to do, so i shop! which i can also sort of consider my “job” but still…i find very interesting and creative ways to put off doing things i don’t want to do – i’m a pro at that LOL
travel gets me going too, i always like to have one new thing whenever i go anywhere. even just to visit family. which i think is strange, but you’re right, it’s probably the “good” stress of impending fun.
I feel the exact same way about clothes and shopping. I’ve really examined my shopping habits, and basically my desires for new things, in the past year and cut back on a lot of bad habits, like anxiety shopping. It still happens though…but now I try to learn to let go, and if I just *have* to do something to relieve my anxiety, then I color my hair. 🙂 Yay for semi-permanent hair dye!
I also have a big problem with buying pieces of clothing because I just like them aesthetically, even knowing it would never work on me. Like that purple JP dress – it’s beautiful and I’d love to have it, but it’s too low cut for me, so I know I’d never wear it! But I just really like how it looks and I want to own it like a piece of art. 🙂 The black dress though is perfect!
#2 looks great on you (well, so does #1!). I have the #2 dress in kona, size zero – I bought it over the winter too and when I went to put it on this spring, I just wasn’t happy with the look of it on my body type. (Gah, that buying out of season thing!) I’ve been planning to send it to Slowre!
There is a great book “Is it me or is it my hormones” by a practical nurse from California (can’t remember her name) that talks all about how we can experience anxiety, depression and other mental health issues during perimenopause\pms\menopause. She recommends changing your diet and taking supplements. I know, for me, without taking Estrosmart I’m a basketcase during pms and ovulation.
thank you jennifer!! will look up that book 🙂
Thanks to your blog, I discovered James Perse. I bought the Henley dress in black and it the most flattering albeit daring dress I own. I love it it makes me feel great. I must say the styling from JP is amazing. I love the 100% cotton material. I like other styles of dresses from JP. Thanks again.