James Perse sweatshirt
Melissa Beach Slides (sparkly pair!)
I’m looking for something, and I’m not going to find it in my wardrobe. Yes, I can have fewer clothes that I have to work so hard to wear, and I can wear the ones that make me feel amazing more often, but still, that is not the answer.
I’m just back from Pure Barre, which always leaves me feeling strong, invincible, and hopeful about the day ahead. Inevitably things change, and as the day goes on, I start to feel a little frustrated, antsy, and lost. Right now, I have a purpose – a mission – and the energy and mindset to fulfill it. Later, I will “not feel like it” and waste time doing other things, like browse Instagram, Garmentory, Kickpleat and La Garconne for things I could buy that would make me “feel better.”
Maybe all I need to do is shift my schedule around a little bit. I’m always excited to wake up and start my day, maybe I should save Pure Barre for the evening, when I start to feel less so?
Also, I need to quit my “personal” instagram and shift my social media focus to Slowre. That makes me anxious though, because I enjoy the interaction I have with some people on Instagram on my personal account, but I need to step outside that world now and into my own. I don’t want to be a voyeur in other people’s lives anymore – I don’t even like reality tv, what’s the difference RN?? Sorry, not sorry. I don’t have the brain space or the time for scrolling through perfectly posed images and videos; I don’t need to stoke the flames of desire anymore than they already are.
I know what desire is, desire is a tyrant. “Want makes you a servant” was the title of the reading for April 28 (I skip ahead) in my Daily Stoic book. And it’s true. When we want things, money, whatever we don’t already have, we become beholden to those things, which in turn gives them power over us.
What am I looking for? Freedom. It’ll take some time to get there, if ever, but I know some of the steps I need to take to get closer, and others I will discover along the way.
Happy Wednesday 🙂
Really nice post. There needs to be a balance, right? Desire helps one understand themselves and develop things like aesthetic taste, which is (if you ask some 17th c. German philosophers) a step towards being a free individual in society and recognizing other free individuals. I think social media blurs the line between the healthy impulse of desire and the sense that we must get closer to and gather whatever it is that appeals us in the moment. Everything is *so damn accessible* on the internet. The only measure of whether or not you can have something is your own discipline… idk I think thats a tricky modern problem.
I also respect that youre reading the Daily Stoic, a different philosophy all together. But I retain that desire is healthy if it can be observed and learned from, but it can also turn into hell on wheels. I know you watched “I Love Dick” … definitely an example of someone (Chris Kraus) playing with fire there!
Rebecca | Seven2Seven8 says
I think moving Barre around to see if it helps with the mid-afternoon slump makes perfect sense! You might also consider sugar/refined carb consumption, from a pure energy standpoint. I gave up sugar for a month in 2011 and the most remarkable thing was that I didn’t have flagging energy levels each afternoon after lunch.
I am exhausted by the obvious curation at this point (and by how similar it all looks as a result). Little feels authentic.
Reality TV (outside of home decorating/renovating/buying, which I still enjoy on occasion – yay for the return of Trading Spaces!) is not my jam either. I work with people and families in transition and (sometimes) distress and that-as-entertainment? Hard pass.
I thought you moved Pure Barre to the morning because you have the most energy? Or is that where you moved working on your blog & slowre? I think trying a shift is good – you’ve always been flexible & aware of how the changes affect you….My commute limits when I’m available to do certain things….I like to work early (and have a lot of early meetings due to the nature of my field) so I exercise after work. I did get my husband to start exercising with me – we have a treadmill & bike next to each other and just alternate. We watch Jeopardy or House Hunters International and it’s perfect for us. Trying to get weights back into the routine somehow….
You might consider volunteering or taking up a part-time job that involves some interaction with people, leaving the house. Freedom from thinking about stuff might come from the place of busyness.
Really good post, Grechen. “Want makes you a servant” might just be my new mantra. Thanks for being thought-provoking!
I found this post comforting, and it helps me get perspective that I need to stop my wishful thinking that if only X, then everything would be better. I am a single mom of three, who works full time outside the home and has no local family for help. I start off each day with the best intentions and most days end with dinner happening late and then a fight with my teenager. By the time they are in bed I am exhausted and watch junk TV rather than do any of the productive things I intended to do. It is nice to see that someone in an entirely different life situation is experiencing the same feelings. I guess it is just middle age? I do my exercise at lunch hour, which works for my schedule and perks me up for the afternoon. Trying something some days that is not pure barre might also be good. I changed from running to boot camp and the change has made me enjoy exercising again.
Remember; “You are never given a wish
without also being given
the power to make it true.” xoxogena
I’ve been considering trying Pure Barre, there are a few locations in Honolulu. I was concerned it would be too much repetition (injury) but I realize you have been going for years now and seem to still enjoy it and receive benefits from it. I love this picture of you, you do look refreshed and relaxed.
I could relate to this post quite a bit. I am the same. I don’t need anything yet acquiring fills up something for me which I should consider filling another way. Also, the reference to habit, browsing and buying can be a habit.
I love IG and I only feel inspired and happy. I don’t often look at my feed. Instead I usually search hashtags, find an account of interest and scroll through. I’m not on for very long though, 5 minutes a day if even that. However, I did close my FB and Linked In recently so I get what you’re saying. I had been on both for a fairly long time, much longer than any of my IRL friends and it was a bit scary to disconnect like that. I deleted, not deactivated, my account. I also still had my blog page with all of the followers, which was hard to let go of. FB was making me feel bad quite honestly and it was a time suck. It was a constant reminder of some drama that happened with a group of friends a year ago and a reminder of a close friendship that had gone distant (& that I was still grieving over). I was also seeing more hateful/ugly posts from a longtime friend who has very different opinions than I on various issues. A difference of opinion I can handle but the tone has been aggressive and more along the lines of “I’m right and your opinion means sh#% “. That I had difficulty with. It’s been 3 weeks now and I feel so much better. It was absolutely the right decision.
Rebecca | Seven2Seven8 says
Tania, I gave up Facebook for Lent and am just back in a few weeks now, but it’s back to being a time-suck and I’m more tired and anxious again. I can’t say I was super-productive while off FB (I used IG more instead and started reading and writing a bit more in blog land), but it was really nice to live in a world of beautiful images and full thoughts instead of never-ending refresh. I’m a little tempted to check out again.