16 weeks pregnant today!!
Eileen Fisher washable stretch crepe pants (secondhand)
Eileen Fisher recycled cotton sweater
Elizabeth Suzann clyde trench
Baggu fanny pack
Dansko clogs
Wearing/Buying
It’s been cold and dreary this week, so I mostly live in my sweatpants except when I leave the house.
I have been using the Baggu “fanny pack” nonstop since I got it and I really love it. It is sooo roomy, and easy to get into no matter how I carry it. I’ve never worn it as a belt bag, but sometimes I carry it like a shoulder bag. I’m really very happy with it and recommend it if, like me, you have been looking for a belt bag that would hold more stuff. The other colors are really pretty also, but since I’m wearing more color on my person lately, I am happy with the black.
Since I’m not on Instagram much lately I sort of missed the new arrivals launch at Elizabeth Suzann this week. Not that I’m compelled to buy anything specifically. I do think I’d love the olive clyde trench, or maybe jacket, perhaps more than I love this canvas one. It’s tricky, this canvas trench LOL. I love it so much, and when I wear it, I just feel great, but it’s not really warm enough for me for winter weather, and I feel like the linen one would get a lot more wear throughout the year. We’ll see 🙂 Did anyone order anything? I’m actually also waiting to see what she replaces the Mara jumpsuit with. That is more interesting to me.
Reading/Watching
I’m still reading Black Leopard Red Wolf by Marlon James and I enjoy it, but want to note a few things. It’s very graphic and violent. VERY. If you have a weak stomach, maybe avoid this one. It reads to me like an epic journey, a Hero’s Journey, if you will, and it’s unfolding very slowly, and I’m not sure very deliberately, if that makes sense. I’m at the point now where I’m invested in the main characters (the black leopard and red wolf), and appreciate the evolution of the wolf to “good guy” or “hero”, but it didn’t feel like an organic growth of character, more like one second he was an asshole and the next he wasn’t. I prefer a bit more character development, but maybe that will come later? I’m sure there is a lot more growth/change to come.
I picked this book up because I want to add more diversity to my library, and because I read/heard enough from the author to be intrigued. If you google the book and/or the author’s name: Marlon James, there is PLENTY of commentary and reviews on the book, himself, and more, but I’m going to pass on reading them until I’m finished with the book. I don’t want anything to cloud my reading. It’s the same reason I’ll never watch the movie before reading the book; once I have an image in my head of the characters and location, I’ve lost the main reason for reading fiction – using my imagination and forming my own opinions.
Doing
I’m back to going to Pure Barre regularly now that I feel better – I’m going at least 4 days a week, which feels right – I was going 5-6 days a week “before.” It’s hard, and sometimes I get down on myself because I simply can’t do everything I could do just a few months ago (I can’t really feel my abs much, so that work is much harder!), and I can really see my body changing when I wear leggings and a workout cami LOL. I’m pushing through though, and most days I feel just fine, and great about what I can do, changes and all.
I also worked a puzzle this week! haha. so exciting, I know. It’s been a while, but I really enjoy having a puzzle going on the dining room table (that we never use) for something to do besides mindlessly watch tv, or read in the evenings; If I sit down to read after 7 PM, I pass out.
While I was working the puzzle I listened to podcasts and watched the newest season of True Detective, and have really enjoyed it. I also watched the Fyre documentary on Netflix and Won’t you be my Neighbor (the Mr. Rogers documentary). Oh, and I watched Generation Wealth after Elaine mentioned it in a blog post.
The Fyre Festival documentary was good, and along with Generation Wealth, sort of cemented my growing distaste for social media and Instagram specifically. Maybe that’s not entirely fair, it’s more of a general distaste for the merry-go-round we all seem to be on lately (that social media makes WORSE) – keeping up with the Jones’ or whoever – but it’s been building for a while.
The staged pictures and growing numbers of “influencers” on Instagram has morphed it into a platform I’m not very comfortable on anymore. Also, the tendency to try and have “hard” conversations on Instagram bothers me a lot. An app on your phone is not the place for nurturing understanding, or having in-depth conversations about important issues. Too much gets lost in translation, too much is said in haste, or in anger, quickly, while waiting in line, or riding the subway, or killing time. I don’t shy away from difficult conversations in general, but I am weary of things that are said in the heat of the moment that you can’t go back and change when you realize you made a mistake, the quick captions and responses for the sake of stories (which disappear in 24 hours) and of course, the endless virtue signalling.
I’m sure this all feels to me like the early days of blogging felt to fashion journalists and magazine editors haha. I was one of the early fashion bloggers “disrupting” the space, maybe not in the same way some of the bigger names were, the ones parading around NYFW, but I started this to create a space for myself online since I couldn’t find one In real life, or anywhere else online. I didn’t feel seen or heard amongst the sea of younger, thinner models in magazines, and I had things to say; I thought so anyway, so I created Grechen’s Closet.
Anyway, as you know, I’ve been floundering about a bit lately, being pregnant at 46, and thinking about this next phase of my life, so I’m a little frustrated/confused about everything. Scattered maybe. But this, Grechen’s Closet, is my home, it is the tiny little space I’ve carved out for myself online, and I appreciate that all of you come to visit me in it every once in a while. It has been my constant for 15 years this April, through a divorce, the end of one career and the beginning of a couple new ones, a new marriage, and now a baby. Wow. I couldn’t be more grateful.
Happy Friday!!!
Happy Friday to you too Grechen and congratulations! So glad you will continue to share your journey in this space. Have a wonderful weekend.
When you become a parent your identity changes, it’s a “reshuffling of the deck” so to speak. I have a 10 year old and I am still trying to figure my identity out. Women’s bodies are always changing wether thru pregnancy, marriage, aging, or other. I think you are reflecting that each day here. So please keep plugging a long, there will be tangents, but a real woman dressing a real body will always be important and needs representation.
Happy Friday! I’m home for a visit with my parents who are now 85 (Dad) and 80 (Mom), and finding that I see changes in them everytime I return even though it’s only been 5 months since my last visit. It’s sad but inevitable. We went out for a traditional Wisconsin Fish Fry tonight along with my (alcoholic) brother and his wife who are like “The Bickersons.” I’m still alive, but I wouldn’t have bet on it after dinner. Threat to my life #1: My dad’s driving – which is ironically hilarious because of their new car decked out with all the bells and whistles to let you know when you’re making a mistake – there’s a voice that suddenly comes out of nowhere sternly scolding “Keep your eyes on the road!” and lots of beepbeepbeep’s. Or it could be Threat to my life #2: My brother, who pounded 4 whiskey drinks in an hour and then wanted to drive Mom & Dad’s new car. I’m not shy about speaking up when I think something is wrong, so my parent’s complicit silence to his request was met with my disapproval and a very firm, “NO! Not after 4 drinks, you’re not driving .” Ahhhh….relaxing family visits.
I know I only recently found you but you are a breath of fresh air. I wholeheartedly agree with your thoughts on IG. I hardly follow any influencers, but my discovery feed has them all. It’s too much. IMO, virtue signaling is just showboat-ery and the ‘virtue bullying’ is toxic – there are better ways to do this and a one-sided convo into the middle distance with your phone ain’t one of them. You’re a good one, baby girl. Keep doing you.
I bought the Baggu bag. It will be good for travel. Thanks for sharing.
It doesn’t feel like floundering from here. Always a joy to read : )
I have those white dansko’s and have never worn them out!! I love them but the nurse vibes make me self-conscious. I should throw caution to the wind and just go for it, right?? They look so good on you!
You look wonderful – congratulations on the 16 week mark. I think you’re handling the transition to motherhood fantastically, by the way. I think the ambivalent emotions it raises are so normal. We just had our second child by IVF after long-term secondary infertility and miscarriage. Even though we fought incredibly hard for this little chap, my identity has undergone a massive shift, one I’m still struggling with. I’m also six years older than I was with first, and EVERYTHING feels different. It’s a continual evolution and reinvention, this motherhood business.
Also – how do you find the Eileen Fisher stretch crepe pants? And do you mind me asking what size you’re wearing? I have been trying to find a good, comfortable, adaptable pair of black pants for forever. I have the ES Clydes, but find they’re a bit tight to get over my hips at present (post-baby) and consequently don’t put them on as much.
I love the Eileen Fisher pants right now!! They’re a small. I had a pair a couple years ago that I didn’t love then but right now they’re perfect!!!
Happy 16th week!
Your thoughts on IG expressed in a concise and thoughtful way how I feel about the hard conversations on IG. That said, a few have alerted me to certain perspectives and sensitivities that I honestly lacked awareness of. I’ve even looked up a few issues and terminology discussed to gain an understanding. However the constant tie in of the messaging to OOTD posts or selfies wearing trending pricey items for the sustainable tribe (Babaa, ES, Only Child, No6, Kamm) is what makes me feel uncomfortable. I get the tie in to clothing and identity, I really do, but it does distract for me from the importance and intent of the “hard conversations”. I could go deep into my family history on my Japanese side, which affects how I feel about it, but that would be a blog post in itself. In a nutshell, I come from a long line of doers in the areas of education, volunteerism and addressing social issues who also rarely buy new clothing.
On a lighter note, I did order the ES Clyde Jacket in olive linen. I hemmed and hawed on whether to get the cotton canvas or the linen (the jacket or the trench…what size…on and on) and finally settled on the linen in my true size as I find I generally wear my softer outerwear more frequently, especially in the office. I also figured the jacket would hang quite long on me anyway especially at my true size as I wasn’t sizing down (I am so glad they featured a petite curvy model – thank you ES!). I already have several haori inspired jackets in black that I wear constantly. I wanted a color, would’ve loved the clay, but the olive is similar in tone. I also have the Harper top in olive so I know the color works with my skin tone and I’m envisioning wearing the two pieces together with my navy crop flared crepe EF pants.
I watched Generation Wealth too and was fascinated by her fascination with her subjects. I always find it interesting to see a body of work by a photographer that was focused on a similar topic for their lifetime and the photos are of people. I felt the same about Bill Cunningham’s work and also suspect Brandon Stanton will be photographing portraits for many more years to come. Also being the same age group as Lauren Greenfield, I can definitely relate to how outward shows of consumerism has changed from the 80s/90s to current day.
I’ve been seeing a lot of people on IG (ironic?) wearing the canvas Clyde trench, and it’s made me seriously consider it, but then they did the IG Live to show how to style their new belts and it really made me consider getting a linen Clyde trench or jacket… with a belt. The linen looked so versatile. I’m also looking forward to seeing what replaces the Mara jumpsuit.