Rag & Bone Ankle Cigarette jeans in Bk Bunnys (size 28) | they were 25% off this weekend in store
PACT organic cotton camisole
Birkenstock Arizona Sandals (secondhand from slowre)
Ozma linen smock (I dyed it!!)
I have judgement & control on my mind lately, but first, some notes on this outfit…
- I DYED this smock over the weekend. I really wanted to use a botanical dye, or something more natural, but was getting overwhelmed thinking about the supplies I would need, and the process, so I said F it and used Rit. Which was 50% off at Michael’s with a coupon. It’s the pearl grey color, but in my eyes it looks more blue than I like. I don’t hate it. I like it better than the ivory that it was. Still the shape of this jacket isn’t the best on me, but I like it for wearing at home with something that doesn’t have pockets, or over a tank/cami for being out around a/c.
- I got these Rag & Bone cigarette jeans over the weekend at my local store because they were offering 25% off jeans and shoes (I really like this lighter, acid-y wash too!!). I cannot adequately express how much I love them. The fit is just right on me (they could be a little shorter) and even though they have some stretch, the denim feels very substantial, which is what I like about 100% cotton. I’ve worn them a couple of times so far, and they are comfortable to sit in, walk in, work in, you name it. They fit my calves, my waist, my hips. I know now that I always need to have at least one slim pair of pants/jeans; I have so many oversized tops, etc., that just work better with a slim bottom. (I love tucking my Pact organic cotton camisole in…)
So, yeah, judging. Who are any of us to judge one another? under any circumstance?
I’m not pointing fingers here, I’m speaking more generally. But I was reading a blog this morning where the blogger got called out for buying something not generally seen as “ethical.” Not in a harsh or mean way by any means, but the judgement was real.
I see that judgement all the time. I feel it also. Not only from external sources. From myself. Like with the dye. I should have used something more natural, etc., etc.
I don’t know about you, but I’m just trying to be better. I think that’s what most of us are doing; we just stumble through life making mistakes and then hopefully learning from them. Or not. Maybe we don’t always learn very fast and continue making the same mistakes. Life takes time.
Some of us are just making those mistakes, and living our lives online, for anyone to see and pick apart. Which doesn’t elevate us by any means, or make us something other than human, it’s just what we are drawn to do for some crazy reason. We are not perfect. I hope I’ve never proclaimed myself anything other than Grechen. I’m not an “ethical blogger,” a vegan, or an expert at ANYTHING. I try to be more conscious of what and why I buy, choosing more sustainable fabrics and more ethical production methods, but I don’t always succeed. Who does??
Ugh. I am just over all the judging and criticism. I hate that I’ve taken part in it too (Everlane shoes, etc.). And I’m tired of judging MYSELF most of all. I control my wardrobe and I overthink my outfits specifically in an effort to exert a measure of control over any situation I could possibly find myself in. Control over how I “think” I look to others, which of course you CANNOT CONTROL, control over how I might feel given the temperature inside or out, and ultimately control over pretty much everything depending on what I choose to wear for the day.
Leah wrote an EXCELLENT post about this recently, and it really made me think. I definitely suffer from disordered eating; I have always had a very unhealthy relationship with food, but I never thought about how that spilled over to my wardrobe. And now, as I mentioned, I’ve become somewhat scared of eating lest I have another nausea/fainting episode. But I am working my way slowly out of that. Before last December I suffered from the very arrogant idea that I eat well and am healthy – what can happen to me?? HAHAHAHA. Since then, I understand more and more clearly that I am not going to avoid accidents or health scares by eating a certain amount of spinach every day or sprinkling turmeric on everything. Yes, I know eating well and exercising makes a very big difference in quality of life and our bodies ability to recover from illness and injuries, but we’re all going to die. And accidents happen.
Ha. Well, how’s that for a Monday? I have just been thinking about a lot of this stuff all weekend and had to get my thoughts out. I am ready to let go of my need to control everything. I certainly am ready to stop trying to exert control over others by judging them, or thinking I know best. I know nothing.
Excuse me while I go find a good therapist 🙂
Grechen, I like the color of the smock! It’s really pretty and unexpected. The jeans are so, so flattering on you! I can see why you love them.
I agree that better is a good thing and it serves no one to make perfect the enemy of the good. Sometimes I still buy big-box fast-fashion (Old Navy and Target, in particular) or acquire things that aren’t particularly ethical or sustainable (Stitch Fix). I am trying to balance what often feel like conflicting goals:
– Slow down my consumption (slower acquisition and higher number of wears)
– Don’t keep things in my life/closet that don’t work for my body/life/etc
– Buy ethically- and/or sustainably-produced items in natural fabrics whenever possible
– Push my wardrobe boundaries
– Simplify my shopping
– Get my financial house in better order, including working with a clothing budget
At any point, at least two of those goals feel like they are going head to head. And being kinder – to ourselves and others – should inform all of it first, and is probably the most important rule of all. I appreciate your thoughts and share a lot of them!
It just so happens that there is a type of therapy that is PERFECT for people who over-control. It’s called RO-DBT (radically-open dialectical behavioral therapy). Since you mentioned the therapist, I thought I’d throw it out there. It’s got a mindfulness component, too. Good stuff. <3
Oh. Thanks Jamey 🙂
Yes, the internet can feel so hostile sometimes. I’m pretty sure I know what post you’re talking about; I saw that comment, too. It goes to show that when you start breaking down the minute metrics of “ethics” it becomes clear how complicated it really is. It’s hard for me to feel anything but exasperated sometimes.
I am exasperated all the time. People are frustrating lol
That’s Also why I don’t read many blogs – I take issue with the constant appearance of perfection and also the comments…. You do an amazing job of being honest and real. And I truly value your periodic reality checks 🙂
I love the color of the smock now, it’s a blue grey and very pretty. The jeans look great on you too!
This was a brave post G, it is not easy to admit these things to ourselves, much less others. But it is helpful to say things out loud, isn’t it? I’ve found that is when the true resolution and healing begin. Until I can talk about it out loud, I cannot move forward.
The judgement, I don’t understand it and I do feel like women do it often to other women in real life (way before any of us were on the internet). Sadly, most often with our closest friends. Regarding being green, sustainable and minimalism, it’s everyone, definitely not gender specific. It also happens with religion and spirituality, which is missing the whole point IMO. I do feel judgement often comes from a place of insecurity, not kindness or caring. We often validate our own choices by judging those who have made different choices. There may be also be a tendency to compete or be the best, which is also missing the point of choosing certain lifestyles. In regards to the internet, throwing shade at someone is click bait, I see this all the time on YouTube. Setting strict structures or rules, particularly at extreme limits is also great for SEO and has you mentioned provide some comfort to people during times of change. Many of these topics require us to dig deep, there is no easy formula but sometimes people want someone to tell us what to do – what to eat to lose 30 lbs, how many items to have in our wardrobe, how many square feet our tiny home should be, etc. We want to know how we should judge our progress.
I agree better is better. I listed to a TedX talk by Graham Hill on Maui a few years ago and he spoke about meat consumption. The talk focused on the effects on health and the environment if we decreased our meat consumption by 10% or 20% or 30%, etc. The point of his talk was that it was not an all or nothing proposition. If we cannot go as extreme or as far as the person next to us, it doesn’t mean our only other option is to do nothing at all. He spoke about meat, which some may have very strong feelings on but the main point of the talk could be applied to anything.
Also growing up in Hawaii in the 70s on Maui the reality is that we cannot always have access to best available eco friendly product. If we live near an urban center that has all the options we should not be judging those who live in an area that has less access to certain types of products. We all do the best we can and continue to educate ourselves.
Hi Grechen!
Love me some Rag and Bone Jeans and those look amazing on you! Wow you look great, hope this note finds you well. BTW, which jeans SARE those?
Cheers,
Amy (amy from austin?)
I really love the color of the smock/ jacket since you dyed it! I think the shape is pretty basic – jacket or cardigan – so what could be wrong with it? And those jeans are “Holy Grail” status! Wowza!!!
You’re very hard on yourself, Grechen. You “do better” and inspire others to “do better” with regard to ethical choices in clothing, food and consumption. There is no such thing as perfect! (I remember that post!) And when it comes to making “judgment” calls about clothing and shoes you’ve been sent to try out and review, well, isn’t critiquing those items honestly a part of your job ?
I learned that control is futile when my 16-yr old niece died of Acute Myelogenous Leukemia almost 7 years ago, in spite of all of the anguished prayers and begging God on my knees. (I realize not everyone is Christian, but this was my perspective at the time) But whatever faith or lack thereof…I don’t believe ANY of us can control our environment, and perhaps not even our own propensity to screw-up. There is evidence that our brain doesn’t learn from the mistakes we’ve made. I remember when this study came out, and The Atlantic has a great article about it: https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2016/02/why-mistakes-are-often-repeated/470778/
I like what Rebecca, Leah and Tania said above; Basically “TRYING to do better IS better”! Be kind to yourself. We love you!
Judgement has always seemed to me to be a fundamental aspect of being human, using our tools of discernment. We evolved to use our intellect and one of the primary way we did this,, from what scientist are saying now, was choosing the best and most attractive mates to pass on our genes to. This principle does not just apply to humans, but frogs, birds, etc. So, from sexual selection (which still occurs) to applying our evolved skill of judgement to what shoes, clothes, etc we put on our body … I think we end up in a situation that illustrates that the trait is important to people. Not using judgement is probably dangerous to our sense of self, and possible our survival (eating poison berries).
That being said, I think cruelty and judgement are two different things. I read those comments and some of them came off as quite edgy. Probably uncalled for, and ultimately who cares that someone is shopping at this place over that. On the other hand, I have always assumed bloggers contended with the fact that putting it all out there for others to see meant that you wouldn’t always receive sweet, reassuring comments. There are much, much, much darker places on the internet than this one. This is no way to perfectly curate an audience, and if you could, why would you want to? Sometimes judgement helps us make ourselves better people, imo, of course.
oh sure, excellent points. but there’s a difference between judging others (or shoes) for how they might fit into our lives (like finding a partner) and judging them simply because we think we know better than they do. Or judging someone for doing something that is generally innocuous or something that does not cause harm to another person or animal. or judging someone not based on all the facts, or without empathy for their situation. etc.
we definitely don’t expect all rainbows and unicorns, and i love contentious comments and lively discussion, but i sort of feel like i know when a comment is written with some vitriol as opposed to coming from a place of open-ness and wanting to initiate or continue a dialogue. those comments do nothing for anyone (the ones that are vitriolic and “edgy” as you say) except maybe the commenter, making her feel superior and righteous for a few minutes.
Thoughtful post and follow-up comments re: judging. And I love the colour of the jacket on you – it looks great and not sure why you think this shape doesn’t work for you.
If you think you can use a blushy-pink in your wardrobe, avocado pits give the most beautiful colour – next time. Lots of tutorials on the internet.
The jeans look fantastic on you and I think the smock color came out really well. I am toying lightly with the idea of overdyeing my nude silk ES Georgia top. It already has a very slight pink undertone, but I’d like to punch it up a bit more. I’m scared to do it though. Part of me is thinking that if it’s not working for me, I should just sell or trade it. Dyeing it will surely decrease its resale value…
As for judgment… yes, it’s almost inevitable on the internet it seems. I guess the best we can do is be the proverbial duck and try to let it roll off!
hmmm…i think if you love the shape/style of the georgia top, just not the color, then why not try and dye it? yes, it decreases the resale value, but if you actually wear it afterwards, then it increases the value to YOU, which is the important thing, no?? 😉
Yes, I think you’re right! I’m going to try it. My only fear is that I’ll mess it up and not love the color I end up with. But I might just try it anyway because I’m crazy like that! Thanks 🙂
Grechen I just wanted to say: you look GREAT! And TINY!