and a back/side view because I’m not sure I’ve shown you how awesome this top is from the back 🙂
James Perse back scoop neck top
Black Crane pants | back in stock at Totokaelo in small and medium (I’m wearing a medium)
Dieppa Restrepo penny Loafers | same style, but mine are nubuck
3.1 Phillip Lim Ryder Satchel
Me & Ro lotus drop earrings
I have a serious problem. I have too many clothes. A friend came over last night to help me figure out what to get rid of and guess how many pieces I decided to part with that I hadn’t already decided to get rid of? ZERO. Actually, she left with a couple of things and I have a few things to send to my sister, but otherwise, she and I agree that I have a lot of really great items in my wardrobe. Which I did know already, but even though they’re all good, I still wanted to get rid of some of them. But I couldn’t. I know. Poor me, and I’m going to stop talking about it, but not before sharing some of my observations:
- Perfection ISN’T going to happen. It’s the search for perfection that leads to too many things, and overspending in my opinion. It’s seeking THE PERFECT white tee that has left me with 20 white tees in my closet. And you know what? They’re all perfect. So, I give up on trying to find THE PERFECT whatever. I will find something I love and that fits me well, and be happy with it.
- Thankfully, I don’t buy a lot for a life I don’t have, but I do buy things I wish I COULD wear, but really can’t (or don’t want to) because I believe in the IDEA of wearing them. Like ankle booties for example. I’m getting more comfortable with the idea of wearing them, and that I actually look okay in them, but I’m still very hesitant. And I have the most amazing pair of ankle booties in the world, the Rag & Bone Harrow booties, but up until now, they’ve only been out once. I play around with them a lot at home in front of the mirror, but they never end up making it into an outfit. I don’t know what the lesson is in that, because I DO believe in trying new things, and going outside your comfort zone sometimes, but I also really hate having things around that I don’t wear, or try to wear and don’t like.
- I think WAAAAAY to much about getting dressed, and what I’m wearing. I don’t have to. I mean, I LIKE to think about getting dressed and what I’m going to wear everyday, but it’s at the point now where it’s consuming. Remember when I did that thing where whatever I put on I had to keep on? Yeah, I haven’t done that in a while…and I need to get back to it. After last night, and my many adventures in my closet, I know that it’s full of things that look good on me, and mostly all “go together”, so I don’t have to think so much about what I’m wearing. But I do get caught up in thinking about what I’m going to do that day, who I’m going to see, what kind of “look” I want to have – if it’s “the right look”, etc., etc., etc., that I become so frustrated and just give up. WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS?
- My life is uber-casual; I work from a desk in my bedroom and some days I can’t even leave the house. I still get dressed, because I have to take the dog out, and I don’t wear pajamas 😉 Most of the time when I do go out, I’m running errands or shopping; so a lot of walking and running around. And I am NOT going to wear my Rag & Bone booties to Target & Whole Foods, I’m just not. I’m also not going to wear leggings as pants. So, when I do go out, I wear what you see in my outfit pictures: simple, casual, easy, comfortable. Nothing wrong with that, but sometimes I think about what I would wear if I was actually going to be out and around people constantly and shop for that (which is why I get so caught up in shopping/packing for trips). I think those types of outfits would only be just a little different, not much, but maybe a bit more “interesting?”
Ultimately, I have decided to stop over-analyzing everything and just GET DRESSED. I’m going to try and wear some of the things I haven’t been wearing lately, and if I don’t, I’m going to get rid of them. I’m going to dress for my casual lifestyle and not worry so much about being overdressed for Target, or underdressed for shopping Neiman Marcus. And I’m going to TOTALLY ROCK these new Vince sneakers I ordered last night when I get them. Because they are SO AWESOME, they are SO ME, and they fit my life perfectly. (happy early birthday to me!) The end.
Do you dress for your life as it is? or shop for the life you want?
Have a great weekend!!!
Thank you for your point about not searching for “the perfect (fill in the blank)”! I get very obsessive when I decide I need a certain item (right now it’s a cropped, long-sleeve black cardigan/jacket, without shiny or cheap looking buttons, for example) and it is very very bad for me. I do believe in looking for, as you said, something that fits well, looks nice, and is suitable for multiple purposes. I don’t want 4 short black skirts, because one has a weird waistline and won’t work with a belt and another is too poofy to wear with certain tops, etc. instead I want one short black skirt that has nothing “wrong” with it and can wear with virtually everything.
Whew, that was long-winded. 🙂
Oh and about the ankle booties–I have the same problem. I actually sold a pair but still have several that I love but rarely wear because I have short, thick calves and I almost always decide the outfit looks funny with ankle booties. Maxi skirts should be your best friend to wear with them, I think. 😉
Hi Grechen,
Really interesting post. It sounds as if you have built a great wardrobe, but it might be too big. This happened to me recently on a smaller scale. I didn’t have enough closet space — it’s not a walk-in — and it was hard to see in there and figure out what I’d most enjoy wearing on a given day. (Even though I had given away all the things that just didn’t click.) Anyway, I focused on favorites & new loves, arranged them by color, and put some other items into storage. They’re classics and will be there in the future when I need them. What’s that statistic I’ve seen (maybe here) — the one about how women usually only wear about 20% of what’s in their closet?
The other thing that occurs to me is that your talents might be looking for a new outlet. Have you considered being a stylist (or something like that) working more “out in the world?” Then you could help people in a new way, and have more chance to wear your own great clothes where others can see and appreciate them. Just a thought…
Grechen, I can completely relate! Today we were just running errands, but I changed my outfit three times (my hubby had a mini tantrum, too). I’ll bet that even Michelle Obama doesn’t do that. I dress for my life on steroids, and I’m gonna loosen up (a little). Thanks, again, for another relevant post. And I love those black booties.
I often change 3 times a day…but usually to university, for errands, and out in the evening…
But I too think I have too many clothes now.
I want to buy less but only thing I absolutely LOVE 🙂
It’s not always easy because I get a high from shopping
and believe in its therapeutic power.
Sometimes I choose between chocolate cake or shoe shopping!
Farha, I’d love to shoe shop with you! Except, we’d have to include the cake. I agree, about the “therapeutic power” of shopping. It’s almost better than sex. Sometimes, it even surpasses it;).
I’m voting for the You Should Be A Stylist option:). BTW I bought those pants in white. Saving them for summer:). SO SOFT.
I am in the same boat. I work from home, and spend a lot of time doing very mundane things. It seems stupid to get fancy dressed up. But then I feel like I’m not utilizing my fancy clothes, which leads me to buy more and more casual clothes. However, when I get in my closet, I realize I have WAAAAAAY too many clothes and I actually like them. So I need to stop buying what I think I need, and use what I have, and only add what is missing. Oh, and I finally got some ankle booties ( burgundy suede!) and I’m in love. I was so scared to get them and wear them, but I’m pretty darn happy with them. Be brave my friend!
all I am saying is you always look great and the next time you even think about analyzing your closet for you to even consider what to get rid of… I WANT TO BE THERE! : )
I’ve had a similar problem (well, not similar in the sense that I had a got to get rid of because many things didnt go along with other items I had whereas yours do have consistency)—and I think it is the pursuit, or rather, the assumption of there being a perfect item that leads us to justify many trials and error instead of enabling us to be happy with what we already have.
In the end it’s about what it feels right for us at the moment, overanalysis leads us to lose sight and make us value our perfectionist ideals over practical reality. This is not to say that we should not aspire for ideals because that is what enable us to explore new things and discover new shapes and colors that may work for our individual sensibility, but there is a problem in letting a rigid notion of perfection dictate how we choose what to wear.
haha. yes, i would like that actually, but more the shopping for other people part 😉
and so glad you got the pants!! can’t wait for summer to see outfit pics.
thanks renza – i’ll try booties with maxi skirts, but whenever i have before, i haven’t been completely happy. flat ones, yes, but with heels…i don’t know. i always have a problem with maxi dresses/skirts with heels anyway.
i definitely always look for one piece that will work with everything – i even love pieces that can be both a skirt & dress, for example…
i have considered trying to branch out as a personal shopper – i have a hard time considering myself a “stylist”, honestly. but the idea has occurred to me. just the idea of trying to start kind of terrifies me! always…starting something new is very daunting…
yesterday i did spend some time weeding out my wardrobe – even if i’m not quite ready to get rid of things, i put them in boxes (i put away at least 15 of the white t-shirts…) and will see how long i can do without them. if i don’t end up wanting to wear anything in 6 months, then they’re marked for deletion LOL. i think that’s really what i needed to do all along, instead of the finality of selling or giving away things, just putting them away was a great first step!
haha! yes, i do believe in shopping’s therapeutic power, but i need to learn to temper the actual buying. instead of getting everything that looks good, like i’ve been doing lately, i need to focus more on what i need AND looks good. that’s the direction i’m going in now, but unfortunately i’ve got the spoils of previous indiscretions to still deal with!!
and i need to figure out a way to do that without resorting to the chocolate cake option 🙂
i’ve done that before! i get so anxious about what i’m wearing for even the smallest thing, that i can’t decide what to wear. of course no one else but me cares so much about my clothing, but i think it’s so important to look your best every time you are in public, i guess i take that to a bit of an extreme too often…
*no comment* 🙂
yay for ankle booties!!! i’m sure they’re amazing on you.
lol. noted!
and thank you.
this is so true nanashi – and definitely what i battle with constantly, always noticing the little imperfections in the things i own (and love anyway) , or even making them up where they don’t exist! like you said, it’s the consequence of over-analysis though, and the story of my life, never happy with anything, because it’s not quite the PERFECT thing. of course, that’s because i’ve already analyzed it and thought about it TO DEATH, and under those circumstances NOTHING can ever be good enough…
i know once i get back to just “putting something on” and keeping it on when i get dressed, everything will become easier – it frees me up to not worry so much about what i’m wearing, because i can’t change it anyway…also coming to terms with the idea that my wardrobe is actually very close to perfect, helps too.
nice going! It’ll be interesting to “shop your storage” when the time comes, and see how you feel about the things that were tucked away.
And yes, I think you’d be an incredible personal shopper, or stylist. Either one. But I’m guessing that a niche in personal shopping might be easier to find (unless living someplace like LA or NY).
Enjoy your Sunday —
P.S. I know, it is so hard to start something new — but you are clearly an expert on fashion and shopping wisely, and an excellent communicator too. So, it seems to me you are already on your way if you choose to add that to your portfolio!
Much of my wardrobe is for my fantasy life, because I like to Be Prepared. You never know when you might need to rustle up a (fake) fur stole or a sequined lace jacket on a moment’s notice!
Other than that, I’ve had to take a hard look at what I wear and don’t wear. And avoid buying the same thing over and over again when I don’t wear it (4 pairs of mary-jane wedges, I am looking at you).
Although a lot of what I wear is very simple, it does depend on my mood, so for me it makes sense to keep certain things around to wear when the mood strikes.
I have had some success getting rid of things by replacing “Could I wear this again?” with “Would I wear this again?”
I really relate to the comment about finding the perfect ___________ leading to over-consumption and frivolous spending. Thank you for that.
Now, about your outfit. You have put so much energy, time, and self-discipline into creating a leaner look. These cropped wide legs pants do nothing for you. I’ve seen you wear these types of pants several times. Your outfit for 28 October is so much more flattering. You look like a different person (taller, more confident, refined, etc.) when compared to your outfit on 23 Oct. The reason I say this is sometimes it helps to have someone give us the low down. A few months ago my yoga instructor commented on my long torso that I didn’t realize I had (“What? Long torso? Where?”). After that I looked at a few pictures and saw a few of Olivia Wilde wearing these cuffed jeans and oh my gosh, it changed my perspective on how I dress (http://ladyshortlegs.blogspot.com/2012/09/olivia-wilde-more.html). I used to have the, “I’m dressing for myself and I don’t care what anyone thinks or says.” Wrong. After seeing these pictures, I donated all my cropped pants (apparently a long torso no-no) to friends and charities. Anyway, this is how I feel about you in wide legged pants. If you don’t care then that would be one thing, but you have mentioned how hard you’re working to refine your physique. The wide-leg pants do your beautiful physique no justice.
I have decided I no longer need a therapist: You always seem to figure out what’s going on with me, which leads me to the inevitable conclusion that I am not nuts! We all seem to have similar issues with clothes/body image/lifestyle/expectations. I read your statement above about “Dressing for the life I have vs. Dressing for the life I want” and I thought, “I’m going to comment on Grechen’s blog about that!” And then you asked the question directly, and I just KNEW you had a hidden camera in my house! 😉
So, yes, my problem is that I am the person magazines direct all of their “The PERFECT 10 Items You MUST own!” articles toward. The thing is, I’m usually working out of my home, or babysitting two young girls, and none of my Equipment silk blouses, or expensive Chan Luu scarves, or pricey/chic booties and shoes work in those situations. I mean, yeah, I could pretend that I’m Tory Burch and type at the computer in silk. But what am I most comfy in? My yoga pants and a cozy sweater, plus my J Crew thick cotton knit socks that I could seriously wear everyday. I’m not even wearing the amount of makeup I used to because it just doesn’t make sense for my current lifestyle.
But I can’t say that I’m ready to give up those items! Not by a long shot. I might actually WRITE a book and then have to go on tour and what would I wear? (Alice Munro won the Nobel Prize for Literature at age 82…there is still time.)
lol val, i always get caught up in those “perfect 10” editorials too. the idea is nice, and the pictures are always so pretty! but i think my pursuit of perfection – in all things – has done more to feed into my own insecurities than it has made me a “better” person, as it is “supposed” to do. what i ended up doing to a certain extent was rebel against even doing things RIGHT because i knew they wouldn’t be PERFECT, so why do them at all? (maybe a little more insight into my upbringing than you wanted to know!!)
so now, with my closet, i’m just collecting things, everything i like, ALL of the white t-shirts, in the pursuit of perfection. the irony is that i probably wouldn’t recognize it if i saw it…
and no, you definitely shouldn’t get rid of those things that you may not wear every day, but you COULD wear – it’s important to have “pretty” things around to admire and wear when the occasion arises. i don’t like it, because i don’t like to have things around i don’t wear frequently, but that may be a mistake.
thanks for your comment jessen!
i appreciate what you say about the look of the wide-leg pants on me, and i do agree that i wear many other things that are much more flattering on me than those are. BUT, i enjoy playing around with my clothing, style, and fashion, so sometimes i don’t WANT to wear what is “flattering” – I want to wear what is interesting and fun. i hope that sometimes i strike a balance between the two, but if i don’t, i can’t care anymore. i’d like to just focus on having a little more fun with my clothes now that i’m “older”…
See? You did it again. You GET me! I think you’re exactly right about “pursuing perfection.” I’m a classic first-born and I seem to always be searching for “the perfect makeup” (or just have Bobbi Brown do it for me!), “the perfect jeans”, “the perfect haircut”….blah blah blah….because I always think that it’s possible to be a BEST version of me. I don’t know what I think will happen when I get there, because life is pretty damned good right now, but somehow, that internal self-happiness eludes me. Hence, the shopping, the expensive makeup, the pricey haircuts…. OK, so I DO need therapy. 😉
it is possible to be THE BEST version of you/me – it’s simply where you feel the most happy i think. THE PERFECT _______________ (whatever) is completely different, because you’re measuring yourself against an ideal – not yourself – that’s usually a perception, not reality. i think you know when you’re “the best” version of yourself, because you’ll feel it, and if you’re not, you probably know how to get there (although i think it’s always a work in progress).
Totally agree with you about the work in progress thing. That’s me!