WEARING:
Current/Elliot boyfriend jeans – size 30, had for a few weeks, ready to sell
James Perse casual tee
Etoile Isabel Marant sweatshirt
No6 Clogs
Alexander Wang Donna Bag – also ready to sell
Today I did NOT ALLOW myself to change clothes after getting dressed. This may not seem like much, but believe me, it is. I usually change 3-4 times before deciding on a final outfit, and even then, I’m not usually completely happy with my outfit. I can look in the mirror the first time and think “oh, this is good!” and then go back multiple times – by the time I’ve looked in the mirror 4 times, I’m ripping everything off in frustration and throwing my clothes on the closet floor.
Obviously I struggle with self-image and body issues, but on the way to fixing my brain, I also need to fix my closet. Specifically, I need to get rid of things that don’t flatter my body (and by flattering I don’t mean making me look as skinny as possible – thank you Jess for reminding me of this – but enhancing my body as it is, embracing my curves)- that said, I’m still gonna wear my Spanx; nothing wrong with enhancing your curves while smoothing out the “bumps.”
I need my closet to be full of ONLY pieces I can put on and not think about again – things I know will flatter my small waist and curves and will make me feel good. This has been my goal forever, and generally I stick to it, but sometimes I can’t help but get sucked in by trends and pieces that I REALLY want to look good on me, but don’t. Like the Current/Elliot boyfriend jeans I’m wearing today.
So, I’m purging. I got the Current/Elliot jeans recently via Gilt to replace a pair I had a year ago that got too big for me and was so excited to get them. But every time I wear them, I’m disappointed. I love the feel of the denim (so soft) and how comfortable they are, but really, the shape does me no favors. So, before I’m tempted to wear them again, I’ll offer them here for $50 + UPS shipping before I take them to MOSS*.
I’m not trying to achieve perfection. okay. I Am, but I will never get there based on the image of perfection that I hold in my head right now. What I need to do is change that, but in the mean time, not having clothes that frustrate me will help 😉 I hope.
How do you deal with your perception of how you look? Is it an issue for you? How did you overcome it?
*I also am ready to sell my Alexander Wang donna bag – this is very hard for me because she was my first and is now my ONLY Alexander Wang bag, but she’s just not practical for me anymore. This is a first season Donna bag with perforated leather as a trim and also underneath the zippered opening down the front of the bag. It’s slightly worn, and has some denim staining on the back, but otherwise is in very good shape. I can send pictures to anyone who is SERIOUSLY interested. I’d like to get $400 for it, but will negotiate.
Great post Grechen! Good for you for trying to force yourself out of overly self-critical approaches. I absolutely need to follow suit, but it is definitely hard. Especially when you’ve been in the habit of doing so for a looong time.
As far as overcoming my poor perception, it helps to look at stylish examples of others with real women bodies, like yourself. I’ve told you before I think, I see things on you that look cute and it makes me more confident that I can pull it off also. I also try to put more effort into my outfit. When I wear something a little cuter than my usual daily schlumpy jeans and t-shirt, I feel more confident in myself and my appearance. It rarely happens with a 2 year old and my busy schedule, but perhaps someday it will be a regular occurrence!
thanks nicole 😉
what other blogs do you look at? i have my favorites, but only one or two of the bloggers actually have bodies even remotely similar to mine – i do it would help me to see more women with similar body-types. i get stuck looking at some of my favorite style blogs because i love them, but i can’t take specific outfit inspiration from them because they don’t look like me 🙁
If they fit me, I would love to try the jeans although they probably won’t make me look like Jennifer A. who seems to live in hers either! What part of town are you in? Maybe I could meet you tomorrow afternoon?
You know, I am struggling with this same thing, trying to be less critical of myself. I am not sure how it is working. I have also been trying to work out more, but not so much to get thin but to be healthy. It’s sort of a weird feeling, but I like it. Yes, accepting your body and dressing for it are hard. I am mostly getting there, but I find being top heavy is hard to shop for. I wish I had someone who would just design clothes for my body for free.
I’m still overcoming my issues with how I look, but I suppose most things in life are a process. I actually find a lot of inspiration in reading your blog. Unfortunately, I can’t steal looks, as we have completely different shapes, but that is minor compared to the positive reinforcement I get.
Also, when did you sell ALL your Alexander Wang bags? I finally bought my first one, and I love it. I got the second rosegold stud black leather one. I love it, mostly because of my love affair with rose gold.
the really hard thing is every time i feel like i’ve finally reached the point where i’m accepting of my body the way it is, if not completely HAPPY with it, i revert back within a few years. it’s such a long process. and an arduous one.
and i feel you on being hard to shop for – my body isn’t the easiest to dress, but my sister is also top-heavy and has an even harder time, i think. it’s very frustrating for her, she sometimes just gives up, and it’s also hard for me to help because i can’t relate to her issues. and of course i think she looks wonderful all the time anyway! how amazing it is that we are our own worst critics…
i’ve sold all my AW bags off slowly – i just found them to be too heavy, especially the original coco. i definitely want to get a new rocco, specifically the one with the resin studs, because they’re much lighter, and the shoulder strap really helps it in terms of practicality. congrats on getting one with rosegold studs, i also love rosegold!
I commend you, Grechen, on your honesty in sharing your personal thoughts with us, your readers. It’s a tough enough thing to admit to yourself without cluing the rest of us in.
I am struggling constantly with my weight and body image, and I’m almost 52. This has been going on for most of my life: from the time I was a skinny teenager at 5’10” and 120 lbs. to now, still at 5’10” (knock on wood), but weighing more than I ever have. I almost cried after I left J Crew the other day, after not being able to fit into a single pair of pants in the store. What’s left? Scarves and handbags?? We have to LIKE ourselves just the way we are and then learn to treat ourselves with care, including taking care of our bodies. I’m just getting started on my health rehab, but the J Crew trip was the impetus to get me on-track, even though I know I’ll never look like I did when I was 20. And I’m more than OK with that!
I subscribe to your blog, and it’s the first one I always read, because you are you. You’re never fake, never self-righteous, always nice, helpful, and honest. And I relate to the way you dress in a way that I could never relate to the “Skinny Girl Bloggers” (and I mean “Girl” literally!).
Actually, I’m in the EXACT same boat as you and have been very frustrated lately by the lack of realistic-for-me bloggers out there. The other fashion bloggers I look at all look nothing like me and I love their style, but it gets very hard to relate to for me, who is 5’3″ and pear shaped. I look at WendysLookbook, Kendi, ThisTimeTomorrow, WhatIWore, etc. They are all lovely, but it’s not going to work for me to wear skinny jeans and pencil skirts, etc.
Honestly, yous is the only blog I have found that is more relatable for me! If you have other suggestions of those similar to yours, I’d love to hear them!
Gretchen, you’re a breath of fresh air in the blogosphere. I was a size 4 in college yet still felt fat and not “perfect.” The older I have gotten the more I have come to terms with this body. Having my blog has really helped with my self esteem and liking my figure, it forces me to come to terms with it, and figure out ways to flatter it. But still, I have days where I change my outfit 6 times, fight back tears, start curing my body. Then I remember I also did it when I was a size 4, and somehow it calms me. I now have a body that is comfortable, a body I don’t have to constantly think about – workouts and diets and calories and carbs. It’s not considered an ideal by society, but it’s a body that lets me live an enjoyable and balanced life, and I am finally realizing that the whole package of life is more important than the look of the wrapping.
Keep being honest and true Gretchen, posts like this are SO important to balance out the blogosphere.
I hear ya. I’m done with pants for a while. Good thing it’s spring now!
don’t even get me started on j crew!! i love to go in there, but i am ALWAYS disappointed by the fit of everything on me – but i force myself to remember that it’s not my body that’s the problem, it’s their clothes. they’re good for some people, but not for me. and that’s okay. it’s hard when you’re in the dressing room trying to make something work, but the reality is our bodies aren’t the “problem” – it’s clothes not being cut to fit our bodies that’s the problem.
and i’m so glad it’s Spring here – i hate pants. so i will be wearing skirts & dresses for the next 7 months at least 😉
love your comment alison!! it’s true that even when i’ve been smaller i still had body image issues – i still wasn’t “happy” with my body because no matter how much weight i lost, i was still going to have the same larger hips/thighs/legs in proportion to the rest of my body and that’s what i have a hard time coming to grips with i think. i just wish i had nice legs…
then again, i’m thankful for my body-type because i don’t carry weight around my waist, which indicates a higher tendency towards heart disease. And i see the problems my sister has dressing her top-heavy body, so i don’t envy her body-type either. i know the key is to focus on what you love about your body and try to tune out what you don’t, but i always do the opposite 😉
Thank you for the link love, Gretchen. I identify so much with the process you wrote about… in changing outfits multiple times before leaving. Although it isn’t something I do all the time because I am a horrible procrastinator and find myself running too late to indulge, it definitely happens particularly when I am having a less-than-stellar self esteem period.
I think the idea of reframing one’s notion of “ideal” is a good one because I know that for me personally, I do not see other women who are approximately my size and think some of the unkind things I think about myself/my body when I look at it (on those less than great self esteem days). And in that reminder that I can be my harshest, most cruel critic I feel a bit liberated from the burden of trying to be something I am not…. something I’ve never been and something that I will never healthily or naturally be.
FWIW, I think you rock those jeans. I think they look cool and stylish on you. But if they make you feel less than great then parting ways makes sense. I am not a fan of keeping a closet full of “someday” clothes.
I think we all can relate with you on this, even if you are skinny there always will be issues in your body that you want to change, small chest, short legs, you name it…We always believe that we are the only ones straggling with clothes, it’s good to know we are all in the same place. For me the thing that works best is feeling comfortable with what I am wearing and don’t try to hard, something simple and easy to wear. Basic colors, clothes that I can combine together easily so I don’t need to think about it and I I find something I love follow that path, it doesn’t matter if I wear almost the same everyday, at the end of the day nobody notice ; )
I see I wrote curing instead of cursing… Freudian slip?
We women seem programmed once we hit 5 or so to hate our bodies. It’s refreshing to be around my 3-year old who rubs her pot belly with glee, sees her peanut-butter sticky face and mop of tangled hair and says she looks like a princess. Unfortunately society gets in the way once we become aware 🙁
That’s a good way of thinking about it. I should realize that I could walk into any Banana Republic and find pants, but not J Crew. Thanks for the reminder!! 🙂
You are SO right, Alison! I have to keep on reminding myself not to downgrade my appearance or my body in front of my 13-yr. old daughter, who struggles with her own body image because some of the girls at school are skinnier than her. She’s a very healthy and active girl and yet, thinks her thighs are too big. (she’s got the same build as her older sister, who was a softball and field hockey player with long, athletic thighs–I love ’em!) But as I pointed out to her in Hollister the other day, “You think you’re too big, but how big can a size 1 really BE???”
I appreciate your willingness to share your experiences. I love clothes. It is disappointing to try them on – no matter what shape I am in. So many styles seem cut for an androgynous body type. I dream of a world where clothes are customized :). I put a lot of energy into locating things that look fine on me. I struggled with my body image, too, (but not a lot because I don’t have the patience for it) until I figured out that what I see in the mirror has little to do with how I actually look. The mirror tells you mostly how you feel about yourself. When I’m in a good mood, my reflection looks fine (even if I’m not that well put together) and if I’m feeling a bit off, it doesn’t matter what I wear. So when the mirror seems to treat me unkindly, I take a moment to look within and see what I can change about my attitude – or I create some emotional feeling goal or figure out if where I’m heading is satisfying – or I think about something about me I would never change (over long arms and hands!). It works for me. As for your idea of perfection – it is simply an ideal – as a map is a guide to a road. It is not realistic but it is a guide. And you do, coming from no thing, come closer to your ideal than you give yourself credit for. In life, you can never demand perfection – perfection is finished, dead, for one thing and secondly, life doesn’t seem to ever satisfy demands. Perhaps if you were your ideal self we wouldn’t get to enjoy you! I think you are a beautiful person no matter what clothes you are wearing (in your photos) – it’s you I’m appreciating, not your clothes. You are unique. Live like a Parisian woman – they are practical – they don’t expect to excel in every category so they take that one strong point and learn to play it like a piano!
thank so much linda for your thoughtful comment – it’s true what you said that the mirror tells you mostly how you feel about yourself. i need to remember that and focus on my attitude and fixing whatever is making me feel “bad” at that moment instead of how i look. And i love your comment about Parisian women – i aspire towards that effortless chic look and feeling they exude; i just need to adopt more of that “c’est la vie” attitude! 😉
Grechen,
This is an honest post — for what it’s worth, you look *great* and I love the outfit, especially the sweatshirt (/jealous!). You *do* look effortlessly chic here in sort of a French-meets-American way. It’s just hard for all or most of us, I think, to let our hearts and souls catch up with our eyes.