Ilana Kohn Caroline Pants (small) | they’re on sale!
Entireworld recycled cotton tee
Everlane cashmere crew (several yrs old) | secondhand black cashmere at The Real Real
Hansel from Basel socks
I am feeling mostly myself lately, thank goodness; I have only occasional queasiness and I’m getting better at dealing with the constant fatigue. Food issues are so weird. I can’t stomach coffee, which is sad because it’s my favorite. And I don’t really feel like eating much of anything, until I crave something, and then WATCH OUT. Lately, I’ve been craving cookies. And I’m trying not to be too hard on myself for eating cookies.
What’s harder on me now is all the THINKING. WORRYING. What – ifs.
Next week I have my 10-week appointment during which I’ll have bloodwork done – I’m getting all the testing: I want to know the sex, and what, if any, genetic abnormalities the fetus might have.
I’m managing to keep myself calm and steady for the most part though; I’ve worked through a lot of the anxious feelings I had. I also keep myself occupied enough so that I don’t OVER think everything. I learned that early on, and in general it’s a good rule of thumb for me. The only time it’s really a problem is when I wake up at night (WHICH I DO NOW. UGH) and have trouble going back to sleep. My mind races, and worries, and frets, and goes places I’d never willingly take it.
Sometimes I can focus on my breath and bring myself back to reality, but other times I just have to pick up my kindle and read until I fall asleep again.
We are so early still. Although it seems like we are further along in this process, for some strange reason. Time feels like it’s moving very slowly and I have to constantly remind myself that I am still in early pregnancy. Anything can happen.
Anything can happen anytime of course.
But I am a firm believer in feeling all the feels. I let myself feel EVERYTHING. Then I ugly cry in the shower. After that, I’m usually okay. I can move on and know that I am strong and I can handle whatever comes my way.
Also, cookies seem to help 😉 Or at least not being hard on myself about the cookies helps LOL
I definitely know how you feel. I had a major bleed at 9 weeks and now again in my third trimester that brings ALL THE ANXIETY. But I’ve been trying to take it one moment at a time, feel grateful for the present moment, and let things be. Fretting about the future will not help one iota and there’s nothing I can control about it except listen to my body when it needs to take it easy (or when it needs sweets–I totally get what you mean about the cookies lol). Also focusing on the breathe helps so much these days, bringing moments of peace. Anyway all we can do is soldier on agree, feel all the feels and then let it go.
Grechen Reiter says
oh my gosh elaine! i’ve been anxiously following along with your updates! I’m so sorry this has been such a trying time for you….
Sweet lady, you are not alone. You must try to really take care and MAKE yourself calm down, rest, and just breathe. It is what it is. Good, bad happy sad, you can do this. Overthinking will be a habit if you let it. Stop reading stuff that scares you.
No matter what happens, Look at this time as a time for a change, and walk into it. Much love to you!!
Thanks Gretchen 🙂 we can’t choose what happens to us, just how we react. It’s definitely been a test of sorts.
OMG! I really LOVE this outfit on you! It makes me want to run out and buy a pair of wide-leg red pants. So elegant.
Just remember, your hormones are surging, which explains a lot of the emotions on the surface. I remember that part. Find a way to connect the physical with the mind: A former therapist taught me a technique that may seem kind of odd, but it really works for me. When you’re feeling anxious, say to yourself (out loud!) “I’m OK, Im OK…I’ve got this,” at the same time, patting your chest in a calming manner. It immediately brings the anxiety level down.
XOX Hoping everything goes well at your 10-week appt!
Hi sweetheart:). Somehow I’m feeling very maternal towards. Of course you feel anxious and I just hope the tests can come along in a frequency that keeps giving you good data. Also, what kind of cookies? Seriously. Maybe there’s a nutritional component. Love to you. xoxox.
Grechen Reiter says
I’m partial to trail mix or oatmeal cookies right now 😉
Thank you always Lisa
Grechen Reiter says
Sometimes I put my hand on my heart and take deep breaths. That helps a lot. Thanks for the reminder 🙂
You have such strength — I think it finds us more easily as we get older!
I had an easy first pregnancy and so thought the second would be this way too. Wrong! I felt awful and had partial placenta previa (resolved itself, thank god) and low amniotic fluid and gestational diabetes and I even ended up getting a ton of cellulite even though I wasn’t even eating crap because I COUDN’T (not that cellulite is bad, it just happened dramatically in like 2 weeks and really freaked me out). But we just keep on keeping on. And 5 months postpartum, all those issues are forgotten, even my cellulite is mostly gone, and my second birth experience was seriously so empowering. It’s hard not to be anxious but I do think strength finds us when we need it. You are AMAZING Grechen! (Also, your outfits lately have just been killing it, teach me your ways!)
I had a surprise baby at 40 and whoa has it rocked my world. I’m a Type A planner who had totally felt comfortable finally admitting to myself and accepting that I would be the grandest Aunt there ever was, and travel the world with my husband totally child free and be perfectly AOK about it. What you wrote struck a chord with me. You’re right to feel all the feels. It’s totally normal, I was always anxious and hand wringing and doing the what ifs. Allow yourself to be in that space in this journey, and also to look forward to all the life changing stuff too. Mourn your “old life” as it were. I did. I shed many tears about how my business and personal life would be affected. I still do it. You’re a human growing a human! There are going to be all the feelings. I too, ate allllll the cookies, LOL!