6397 Shirtdress (sold out)
Birkenstock Arizona Exquisite platform sandals (sold out) | similar version with a white sole
Just what I’m wearing today. It’s hot now. And I feel 95% better today; I think I’m finally getting over my cold.
Yesterday I had a panicky moment since I hadn’t really felt the baby move much for several days and went to my dr. just to hear the heartbeat and ease my anxiety. He went ahead and did a sonogram also, and turns out he’s in breech position right now which makes it harder to feel him move, but his heartbeat is healthy and everything else looks great.
Now I have to start doing kick counts every day, which kind of confuses me? But I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it once I start doing it.
I really freaked myself out yesterday, worrying about him since I’ve been sick. Normally when I’m sick I don’t take any medication, or try to relieve my symptoms with homeopathic meds, but this time, I felt like I should be more serious about getting better since I’m caring for another human IN MY BODY. My dr told me I could continue taking the homeopathic sinus meds, vitamin C, etc., but I also added in Robitussin cough syrup and some benadryl at night for the deadly post-nasal-drip and to be more comfortable, i.e. sleep.
Then I started to worry that I was hurting him somehow with the medications, being sick, etc., and got anxious about not feeling him or seeing him move as much as I had before. I was scared that he was fading away somehow. Yesterday might have been the day when this finally became “real” for me? And that I finally became invested in the outcome.
That doesn’t sound quite right, but maybe you understand what I’m trying to say? I still know that literally anything could happen from now (almost 28 weeks) until term, and now, I think that I would be utterly devastated if “anything” does happen.
This is something I REALLY want now. I’m still nervous about becoming a mother, and unsure what to “do,” but I know now that I want him, as much as I wanted the very first pregnancy I lost more than 15 years ago. Not in the giddy, excited youthful way I did back then, but in a realistic, anticipatory, “natural” sort of way that feels more right to me now.
The Benadryl might have made him a little sleepy, too, so not moving as much. When you find yourself getting worked up or worrying, stop and take a few deep breathes to try to recenter yourself. Try to let the fear go. You are doing everything you can to take good care of yourself and the baby. It really is everything you can do. You are being a loving and responsible mother already and he knows it!
That feeling does make sense, and that is about the time it became more “real” for me as well, with both of my babies. The first half of pregnancy just doesn’t really seem real to me – like I conceptually understood I was pregnant, but even with sonograms, it still didn’t feel quite real enough until my bump was getting big and I could really feel them moving around.
And the anxiety is real too! Even with my second I still had that worry like I might be doing something wrong or something might happen, or even that it STILL wasn’t “real.” But I just had to stop, take some deep breaths, eat something yummy, and allow the feeling to pass through me.
I’m an anxious person who is always concerned that I’m “doing it wrong” and won’t know about it until too late, so being pregnant was a huge exercise in managing that anxiety.
Oh I feel for you! That anxiety, I mean, I am not sure if anyone is free from it these days. My advice? Go to the doctor any time you want to:). I had a day when my first child didn’t move much, off to the emergency room I went. She was fine. I spotted in my second child’s 11th week, off to my doctor I went. He was fine. To hell with restraint. You have connected to a little start of a life you are ready to care for, so caring for yourself is caring for him. And I know you know all this, so, really, I’m just giving you a hug and talking loudly to distract you. 😉 xoxoxoxoxox.
Grechen Reiter says
you always know how to distract me lisa 🙂
he told me i could come and listen to the heartbeat anytime, so i did!
Grechen Reiter says
yes, well benadryl makes me pass out, so it’s no wonder he may have slowed down a bit!!
Grechen Reiter says
yes, i am trying to manage the anxiety as best i can, and I feel like i’m doing a pretty good job of it, all things considered. better than i would have done years ago, that’s for sure!! still, i thought it better to just go to the dr. and have him take a look anyway. bonus, we got some really cute sonogram pictures out of it 😉
You’re feeling what every pregnant woman through time has felt…it’s almost like “pre-motherhood”…getting you ready for the love, anxiety, and worry that comes along with being a parent. I recall the very same thing happening during my pregnancies. I suspect we’ve all been sick during pregnancy, too, and I think the doctor would be very cautious about prescribing meds unless she felt confident that they wouldn’t harm the baby.
Rebecca | Seven2Seven8 says
I know exactly what you mean! Having kids is sort off like wearing your skin inside out. Part of you j just becomes raw, exposed, and vulnerable in a really profound way. This is just part of that vulnerability unfolding.
A cup of juice and warm bath also encourages movement, and is a nice treat for mama.
Like Rebecca said, juice (especially if it’s really cold, or even sometimes cold water) can sometimes wake up a sleepy baby. 🙂 Enjoy those sweet movements–there’s nothing else quite like them.