Now that you’ve purged your closet and are relatively comfortable with the number and types of pieces you decided to keep, what next? Go on a shopping ban? Isolate yourself? Get off the Internets? Become a nun?
Actually, those alternatives are sort of tempting when you’ve been struggling with shopping and over-buying for so long. It seems easy to just take yourself out of the equation altogether; stop reading Lucky magazine, fashion blogs, Pinterest, etc., cancel your store credit cards, avoid going to the mall or browsing the internet.
But I think that’s overkill. And not necessary. I can’t say for sure, because I’ve purged and backslid before, so I may not have a leg to stand on here, but I am approaching my wardrobe, and shopping, differently now than I did before, and I think this is it for me. I’m more aware of the mistakes I made and the emotional issues that encouraged my over-shopping this time. I’ve decided to shop more purposefully and add back only those things that MATTER to me.
And I’ve made rules for myself. Ah…rules. Budgets, Goals, Lists…I’m terrible at making and following lists. And I hate rules. But over the years, I’ve found that I’m more productive, happier, and more content when I follow the rules I make for myself. I NEED structure and discipline, no matter how much I fight against it; I’m like a 41-year old toddler.
What are your constraints?
Financial
What is your budget? What are your financial goals for the next year? five years? Does buying a new cashmere sweater get you closer to that goal, or further away from it? As I’ve mentioned before, I’d never had a clothing budget until very recently. And now that I do, I am so grateful.
Having a strict budget has given me more freedom than I ever could have imagined. It puts a limit on what I can buy and allows me to buy only what I can afford. It forces me to make choices about my clothing. I have to prioritize what comes into my closet now (and into my life), where before, whatever cash I had, I spent.
Emotional
Why did you end up with too much stuff in your closet? What started you on your journey to a Minimal Closet in the first place? For me, I just knew I had too much, and I was overwhelmed whenever I looked in my closet(s). I shopped as a social activity, and then bought things I normally wouldn’t have if I was by myself. I shopped to heal an emotional wound. I shopped when I was hungry. I shopped when I just FELT like buying. I shopped when I was happy.
I bought things I thought would make me APPEAR to be good enough, interesting enough, adventurous enough… I bought things I thought I should have. I bought things that were so cheap I couldn’t NOT buy them. I fell in love with things that were interesting, but not me. And I bought them anyway.
What rules can you make for yourself?
Now, I try to be aware of my mood/thoughts when I’m shopping. I avoid shopping hungry, or when I’m especially down. I’m cognizant of why I add things to my shopping cart online, and wait 24 hours before buying. If I can identify with a clear head why I need/want what I added to my cart in the first place that long after, then I’m more likely to buy it (or leave it in my cart). If not, I remove it and close the tab.
More than anything, placing myself on a budget and identifying the emotional reasons why I shop/buy has helped me keep my re-buying to a minimum.
But I also have a running list in my head of what I absolutely DO NOT NEED to buy for when I’ve “passed” my financial and emotional tests. I find having a “do not buy” list generally more effective for me than keeping a list of things I want, because those things I don’t need more of are the things I GRAVITATE towards when I shop. There’s a reason why we have too many {insert item here} – they’re our comfort items; the things we buy when we’re on an emotional shopping trip. They’re sometimes the things that make us feel the best about ourselves, but they’re also the things that help us cover ourselves up – that hide us from the world when we want to be hidden.
There’s a reason why we have too many {insert item here} – they’re our comfort items; the things we buy when we’re on an emotional shopping trip.
As an example, I have enough James Perse fitted dresses to last me for a while, but I also have a ton of slouchy pants and oversized shirts. I buy the JP dresses when/because they make me feel awesome and proud of my body, and I buy the oversized stuff when I’m feeling uncomfortable, and for when I want to hide myself more. I seem to buy those contrasting styles equally, and wear them equally; based on how I feel that day.
And I actually think this is okay, and normal, although I’m sure some would disagree – I understand that some days we want to show ourselves and others we don’t; it’s normal to fluctuate between one and the other. I don’t think it’s ideal to show yourself ALL THE TIME, or to hide yourself all the time, but if you’re playing with each silhouette from one day to the next, it’s just a reflection of the difference in how you see yourself and your place in the world each day.
But here’s where you have to get hardcore and identify what you TRULY have enough of. You need to be honest with yourself and avoid the trap of “but they’re all just different enough!”. Believe me, I know of what I speak (white t-shirts. Ahem. I used to have 26, now I have 2)
I understand that there are subtle differences in white t-shirts, black sweaters, and striped shirts, but I also know that we know when we have enough. We know when we have enough when we look at all the white t-shirts hanging in the closet, but pick the same one over and over again. Or when we just keep buying black leggings.
We know when we have enough when we look at all the white t-shirts hanging in the closet, but pick the same one over and over again.
Like purging your closet though, this is a process. For some of us, it’s obvious what we have enough of (it was for me – but then again, I spend A LOT of time in my closet, and thinking about clothes), but for others it will take time, and a lot of trial and error.
As you’re purging, or after you’re finished, try this exercise and base the answers on both what you got RID of and what you decided to keep (if you got rid of all your capes & ponchos, then don’t buy any more. If you decided to keep all your black pants, then don’t buy anymore):
Identify the specific items you don’t need
Identify the shapes you don’t need
Identify the fabric/materials you don’t need
Identify brands you need to stay away from
Identify stores you need to stay away from
Identify SALES you need to stay away from
Those last three are KEY, and I’ll devote an entire post to NOT BUYING THINGS ON SALE, but if it turns out that you got rid of everything from Banana Republic when you purged your closet, then maybe that’s a store you should stay away from. Ditto for identifying how many things you purged that you bought on sale, or only because of the price. If you get rid of more items that you bought on sale than you kept, then you should re-consider whether to shop sales from now on…
Again, this is a process, and requires a lot of attention to the specifics of the items you decided to purge and to keep. If you got rid of everything polyester, then don’t buy more polyester. If you decided to get rid of all your silk, then don’t buy more silk!!
My list of What Not to Buy:
- White t-shirts
- Black dresses or skirts of ANY length – I am SO COVERED here…
- Denim – this is so hard because I love jeans, and never seem to have “the right” pair. But whenever I get the desire to buy another pair, I go and try on the ones I have, remember that I LOVE my jeans, and that I don’t wear them often enough to have more than the 6 pairs I do have, and call it a day.
- Black pants or leggings – I have a great pair of black slim pants, black slightly loose trousers, black harem pants, black slouchy leggings, black sweatpants, and two pairs of nice black leggings, so I’m covered.
- Slouchy pants – I cannot resist a good slouchy pant, and I think I’ve bought or tried them all. I have enough.
- Silk
- Stripes or patterns
Don’t fall into the same trap as before; don’t end up back where you started and wondering how you got there. Be thoughtful and deliberate about what you’re buying, and pay attention to what you wear, don’t wear, like and don’t like.
Until this becomes second nature, and until you’re more at ease with your Minimal Closet, setting rules for yourself is a good way to help you get there. First, start with what not to buy…
What’s on your “do not need” list? How did you determine those items?
Read more in the The Minimal Closet series:
I have forbidden myself from buying anymore sweatshirts of any kind, regardless of how cute and different they are from the others I have. I can’t wear these to work. I need more work appropriate clothes. So, if J. Crew could stop designing cute ones that would really help me.
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haha!! i love that. yeah, if james perse would just quit, i’d be fine 😉
A couple “do not buy anymore” things come to mind: Absolutely NO MORE tee’s with cutesy sayings or animals on the front! I am a sucker for such things and have this “go-to” website for fun tee-shirts. I also support animals thru another website that gives $10 for each tee shirt purchased to an animal shelter, so i would rationalize, “well, it’s for a good cause”. But i really need to stop and as a 47 yo (cough, cough) woman, I really don’t need a tee shirt collection that is reminiscent of a middle schooler’s!
The other is anything sheer. I have a beautiful white skirt by Joie that I have only worn twice since buying it about 9 years ago! Problem is it’s so sheer that i need to wear a slip. I don’t own a slip and i don’t like wearing them, especially when it’s 90 degrees out.
thanks again Grechen for an AWESOME post!
Black flats. I do not need more black flats. Last month, I got a great deal (yes, you can laugh now 😉 ) on a pair of black dansko flats – polka dot black on black. That brand is a great fit on me and very comfortable and they tend to last. And I will keep them. BUT as I was putting them away, I found all my other black flats – ballerinas, mary jane, loafers, ankle boots, etc. I’m really REALLY well stocked in the black shoe arena! And just because I do wear black shoes most days for most of the year doesn’t mean I need 15 different pairs for my (mostly business casual) lifestyle….
ha! no, seriously. this is a no judgement zone!! no laughing 🙂 i love dansko, but my husband is mortified whenever i wear my clogs – i save them for trips to alaska and europe in the winter!
anyway, good for you for recognizing that. it’s hard.
oh. good point on the sheer items, those are things i don’t wear either. i do still have some relatively sheer tanks that i can kind of work with sometimes, but i did get rid of skirts/dresses that are see-through. it just doesn’t work!!
Hi Gretchen!
Your post offers a creative take on the many minimal closet type advice blogs. What do we *not* need? A great question and an easy way to evaluate those impulse buys.
Thanks as always for your insights.
Hi Gretchen – I found you from the WSJ article. I’ve read some of your key older posts, but I don’t know if you may have covered this already. What about clothes that I don’t fit (but would if I lost a little weight)? Having fun reading your blog and trying to figure out what to do (I already bought a few Everlane tshirts to try them out). Thank you!
Rebecca, repeat after me: YOU DON’T NEED ANY MORE LINEN!!! Frankly, I could almost open a linen warehouse with my wrinkled wardrobe. I used to be obsessed with cashmere, but finally got that under control. “Baby steps” are better than none.
oh good question! i touched on it a little bit in my “how to purge” post, but not in depth. I can devote a whole post to that, because had been “waiting to lose weight” for years, until i finally did…and had lots of things around that were too small for me.
my general recommendation is to not keep things that don’t fit around at all. i found it to be depressing, rather than uplifting…i know some people think/say it’s “inspirational” but i never found it to be. i did end up keeping 4 pairs of jeans that were too small for me, that i bought back in 2004-2005 and loved, but now they’re too big. i did turn a couple pairs into shorts, though, so it was good i kept those, but generally, i didn’t need to keep the things i did.
hope that helps until i can get a post up 🙂
and thank you for your comment!!
thank you amy – i found that most of the minimal fashion blogs weren’t helpful to me at all. i didn’t want to fill out worksheets, or make lists, or be so strict about the number of things i could wear at any given time. i didn’t want it to be SO regemented. and i found that, like you said, most of them talk about things you should buy or “10 things every woman should own” and build her wardrobe around, rather than helping you identify things you don’t NEED TO BUY. so i’m always happy to bring a different perspective 😉
absolutely..baby steps! the only way we get anywhere is one step at a time, right?
i’ve missed you!! glad you’re back!
Thanks, hon! It’s good to be back, but I’ve been following your posts. I didn’t wanna get too far behind.
Grechen, a lot of times when you describe yourself it reminds me so much of myself, especially the over-thinking everything part. I think that is why I love your posts. 🙂
In an effort to stop making shopping mistakes, I wrote a very long “note” on my iphone regarding my wardrobe. The categories are:
-“Looking for”: less than 10 items that I am actively looking for and allowed to buy once I find a great version (versatile but not boring black skirt, long black waterfall cardigan, etc.)
-“Yes”: colors, styles, etc. that I like and wear (i.e. yes to gray and clean lines)
-“No (more)”: ruffles, 3/4 sleeves (I am always cold or hot so these shirts just kill me, although I have quite a few still), a whole bunch of other things, shirts with animals on them (I have so many! I love cute things!) etc.
-“Maybes”: a trend or color I am considering but unsure of
The timing on this post is perfect! I’m still working on the “closet purge” basing my decisions on your recent “wardrobe reality” post, and some additional criteria that Debbie Roes suggested on Recovering Shopaholic. I’m trying to focus on what pieces make me feel gorgeous when I wear them, and what pieces are too “fussy” to keep. Just this past weekend I was able to articulate some things that don’t work for me: round/crew necks that hit at the collarbone, button-front shirts, floral prints and maxi skirts are my biggest offenders. I seem to buy these items over and over, yet those are the closet orphans I am now purging. Your post is helping me further clarify my “don’t buy” list by extending it to specific stores. I now realize that things I buy at Macy’s, Gap or Old Navy tend to go unworn, probably because I shop only those stores when I have coupons. I’ll be looking for other common denominators, based on your suggestions. Thanks for another thought-provoking post!
I think having a Do Not Buy list is a really good idea. I love to see your whole wardrobe hanging up, to see what you think of as too much, enough, etc. I feel like I’ve got a small wardrobe now, but I remember listing it on my blog and people thought it was a lot! It’s maybe personal, what makes up a too big or too large wardrobe?
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oh, i’m sure my wardrobe will seem tiny to some, and huge to others. it’s definitely personal! i didn’t think i had so much stuff until all of the sudden i felt suffocated by all of it. that’s when you know you have too much i think – when you’re overwhelmed by it all. And for some people, that may never happen, for others, it may be when they have more than 50 pieces…
i will photograph it all one day. but that means i have to organize it a bit 😉
oh yeah! the dreaded coupon buys!!! i only purchased from the gap or old navy when i had coupons, and i have NOTHING gap left in my wardrobe. i do LOVE my old navy compression leggings for pure barre, but other than that, everything i’ve ever purchased from old navy? goodwill.
i have a hard time with crewnecks also. i kept one black and one white crew neck tee for layering under sweaters though. but i much prefer v-necks on me!
That does help. I will go through the purge article soon as I need to do that!
“…having a “do not buy” list generally more effective for me than keeping a list of things I want, because those things I don’t need more of are the things I GRAVITATE towards…”
This is one of the most useful and profound insights I’ve ever read on a clothing related blog. You keep hitting them out of the park, Grechen!
Hello from Scandinavia! Just found your blog and been loving the Minimal Closet series so far. I work in retail and I study retail, and shopping seems to be my one and only hobby, I have been feeling overwhelmed with my wardrobe lately, there’s just too much of everything. Can never seem to find what I want to wear, so I just end up with mediocre outfits even though I do own some great stuff! No I just want to cut back on all the shopping and focus on saving up for my own apartment (and a chanel bag, dont’t judge me!). My what not to buy-list:
– Sheer tops
– Ballet flats (love them, but I have 9 pairs and only one is starting to get worn out)
– Dresses
– Scarfs
– Jewelry (I have realized I just like wearing a watch and stud earrings and nothing more)
– Basic t-shirts
– Anything that I’m unsure about at the store (turns out I can’t make it work anyway)
I’ll second that “Glad to have you back!” Of course, we’ve “seen” each other around here and there. Haha! (Unfortunately, you’ve just reminded me of my linen affliction…dang! Add linen to purge list…)
And how many stripes are too many? I think the correct answer is, “When they take up more than one dresser drawer.” I’m willing, really I am.
I did the same thing, Renza! Lists are invaluable to me, and having it on my iPhone makes it much more likely to be used at a critical decision making time.
And, that tends to be the “fast fashion,” as you’ve noted before. A great post with very relevant points!
Thanks, Val! Yes, we’ve “bumped” into each other on Andrea’s site this summer. I’ll work on the “linen affliction” too, but I need more stripes. Does it ever end?
Thanks a ton for this incredibly insightful post. You’ve really pushed a button or two for me. I generally think I have a handle on the traps I’ve fallen into in the past only to stumble again – usually when I think too much about the image I want to project. For a couple of weeks this summer I felt embarrassed about having to wear only Fit Flops to work because of a bad cut on my foot. But guess what? From what I could pick up on, no one noticed or cared. Everyone was too busy or wrapped up in their own struggles to even look twice at my feet. That experience, and these posts of yours, have given me the push I need to start taking a good, hard look. I am in black 95 percent of the time and in gray the other 5 percent. My desires to acquire “the one” perfect whatever (and settling for less-than-perfect way too many times) and to not spend most of my very scant free time doing laundry has led to a huge collection of stuff that all looks the same. Try to find the black top you’re looking for in the morning with not a minute to spare when you can’t tell it from the two dozen others that are in the same drawer. Very stressful. I am most comfortable when I have a mental picture of all the clothes I own and where they are stored. I had gotten there – a couple of times – but slipped.
It’s GOT to change for me, because I’m totally overwhelmed, frustrated, and disgusted with my misuse of funds, bad choices, and inefficiency with my wardrobe. I’m MOTIVATED and these posts are my BIBLE!
thank you christine for sharing your story. it’s so hard to let go of the idea that other people really don’t care what we’re wearing…i was consumed by that for so long. but now, it’s almost as bad, because like you said, i have an idea or an image in my head that i want to “live up to” or look like, so i’ve traded other people’s expectations (or perceived expectations) for my own. which are MUCH higher and not very realistic. i’ve been trying very hard to work those “down” though, and just dress for my authentic self. which has been tough, but free-ing. i’m not completely there yet, but i know i’m on the right path. you will get back there too!!
haha! no judging! i love that you want to save up for an apartment AND a chanel bag!!
i need to add ballet flats to my list too – i have several Repetto pairs that i haven’t worn much lately, so definitely don’t need to buy more.
and good point about being unsure about something in the store. isn’t that always the case? but we bring it home anyway and try to make it work. most of the time it doesn’t…you have to be very strong indeed though, to leave it in the store!!
thank you!
Thanks for this–I think you’ve been brave and honest, and I wish more fashion writers shared your attitude. Some of my favorite fashion bloggers are really just shoppers, and I don’t want to follow them down that rabbit hole.
thanks for your comment belinda! glad to have you here 🙂
Gretchen, I love the minimal closet. All your posts about minimizing really hit a note with me.
One topic I’d love to hear your take on is: dressing through transitions. Sure, we all go through transitions all the time, but here’s a specific example: a friend of mine is going from a job in academia in a mid-sized city to a more high powered job in administration in Manhattan. With the new career comes a new (implied) dress code. How does an upwardly mobile girl transition smoothly without breaking the bank or having a giant Frankenstein closet of old career / new career clothes?
A friend pointed me in the direction of your blog and I SO needed it! I was in tears this weekend so overwhelmed by changing over closets. Putting away clothing I had not worn, didn’t fit, was an orphan piece (nothing to go with it- but it’s cute.) My husband laughed at me, but I don’t think he realized the tears were real. This has given me the guts to face my bulging closets and get a grip on this “habit.”
hi patricia, thanks for visiting, and for your comment!
i’m so glad this has helped 🙂
please stick around and let me know how it’s going – it can be very difficult, and VERY emotional! i shed more than a few real tears over my overwhelming closet…