James Perse skirt (size 1) | so OLD!!!
Veda X Women’s Prison Association tee (small) | sold out
Ace & Jig for Keds sneakers | I think they run almost a half size large
Entireworld recycled cotton blend tee (small) | it seems to be sold out!!
Here’s a similar Tiny T
Lauren Manoogian Peg pants (size 2) | Antique pair on sale at Garmentory
Birkenstock Arizona sandals (I purchased them secondhand)
I didn’t mean to post only once this week, but such is life right now. I only seem to have bandwidth for about half of what I used to do, so I give priority to slowre, trying to get ready for “maternity leave.” So, apologies to you loyal readers who are used to hearing from me everyday!
I haven’t worn any of my maternity clothes this week, even though I’m popping out quite a bit more. Just in the last couple of weeks my body has changed so much; my formerly soft, misshapen belly is hard and stretching out front and it feels like the weight I’ve gained is re-distributed and concentrated there (after I eat a little too much it definitely feels STRETCHED!!! LOL).
Anyway. Besides being completely exhausted after 3 PM, I have felt great. The exhaustion is overwhelming TBH, but all things considered it’s not so bad. I’ve had some leg cramps wake me up at night, but only a few times and I just get up and walk it out then I’m fine. I can’t seem to sleep past 6 AM, but I fall asleep pretty easily no matter when I go to bed and usually stay asleep, so I’m thankful for that.
I go to Pure Barre 4 times a week, and sometimes I feel like I’m just going through the motions, but at least I’m there. I think that counts for something?
With 8 weeks to go, I guess I’m starting to feel like there will be a baby at the end of this journey after all. In the beginning, I didn’t really believe that I would be able to carry to term because of my previous miscarriages and my “advanced” age. Also, being the realist/pessimist that I am, I was sure something bad would happen; before he started moving a lot, I dreaded every dr. visit, worried that there wouldn’t be a heartbeat (something which happened to me years ago, with my ex-husband, before Leo and I decided not to try and have children).
Now, still, nothing is certain, and I do feel a little detached from the process, although I am invested in a healthy outcome, if that makes sense. With what’s been happening in the US around women’s reproductive freedom (I would argue that it’s not just reproductive freedom at stake, it’s women’s FREEDOM at stake…) slowly being eroded, I’ve read more and more stories of late term fetal abnormalities that require that families make difficult decisions about continuing with a pregnancy, and I worry about how I would feel and what I would do in such a situation.
I think if you’re a woman, with kids or without, you probably understand and relate a little to my complicated feelings. I know a few of you definitely do and have said so in a comment or email. I have moments where I literally cannot wait to hold him outside my body, look into his face and just meet him finally, and I have other moments when I think about being 50 with a toddler, and am like, wtf have I gotten myself into??
At least I am settled into the process, which for me is just living minute by minute however that may look. Honestly right now it looks like me with my feet up watching Poldark or something, just relaxing and enjoying just BEING. Also, eating all the carbs/watermelon.
Speaking of watching, I’m doing a lot of that lately, although I wonder if I should hold off and leave some things for “after.” Leo and I watched Good Omens and it was okay, he loved it up until the last episode, and I thought it was so-so. I appreciate Neil Gaiman, in theory, but have not been able to finish most of his books I start reading.
I’m reading Cribsheet, which I think, along with her first book, Expecting Better, should really be required reading for expectant moms/parents. She writes frankly and never wavers from data-driven analysis to debunk a lot of the myths and beliefs we have about breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and other important issues that new moms have been shamed over for decades.
Also, this probably isn’t the final word on which is more environmentally-friendly, “vegan” vs. animal leather, but it’s damn close:
Via Loyal Footwear’s Kickstarter page
Loyal is a new “vegan” leather footwear line and it looks to me as if they compiled this data from information from the HIGG Index, which is well-respected standard for determining the impact of fashion and fabrics on the environment. IT IS STILL A COMPLICATED ISSUE, with many facets to learn about/discuss, but we do know now that leather is not always, or simply, a by-product of the meat industry, and we certainly know more about how animals raised for meat/food are treated around the world, and it is absolutely unconscionable IMHO. Just something to think about.
Oh Grechen I relate SO much. It’s SO complicated. This very morning I was discussing with my husband our complex feelings about having another child. There are so many reasons not to, not least of which are environmental impact, our age, the difficulty of my last pregnancy, and of course the financial implications. But then, I did not know I loved babies until I had one. I just…didn’t know. I know many don’t feel the same, but for me there is nothing better than a tiny baby, nursing and snuggling and holding it all the time — all that just clicked with me in a way I had not imagined, since I never really had a thing for kids one way or the other. I have to say, you seem so serene and full of grace — this process really looks (from the outside at least) as though you have it all figured out. I eagerly await your posts and updates! <3
Grechen Reiter says
ah yes. more children. we are also talking about that in the context of future birth control, etc.
when i did want to have kids, i very adamantly never wanted just one – i’ve had a lot of only children in my life and have a very hard time relating to them – but now……who knows?
thank you julia, for your always-thoughtful comments 🙂
Thank you for sharing your reading of ‘Cribsheet’… I can’t believe I have not heard about it before! Loved ‘Expecting Better’ and agree it is essential reading for mums to be. All the best for the last few weeks.
Sending positive + smooth birthing vibes from Australia.