James Perse casual tee (size 1)
Elizabeth Suzann linen Florence pants (medium, regular)
Vince blair sneakers
Just so it’s clear, I’m a fucking person. Not just a pretty face 😉
I have fears and insecurities, and I guess you guys probably know them all; I share them here. BUT STILL. That does not make me immune to feelings of anxiety and frustration when people judge me, simply because I have a blog, and are sure they have a right – nay, a responsibility – to share/voice their opinions about me, and the clothing I wear. I make myself vulnerable here every day, and that is something I’ve chosen to do, but it doesn’t mean it’s not overwhelming sometimes.
So I had a little temper tantrum – I needed to feel frustrated for a minute.
And now I’m going back to not giving a fuck thank-you-very-much, but because I share everything here, I do also want to say that sometimes I do GAF, and that’s okay too. I’m at the point in my life, or getting there, where I think I should continually not GAF, but I’m also of the age where I don’t pay much attention to “shoulds”, so fuck what I should, or shouldn’t feel, I’m going to feel it, and then move on.
Oh, but before I do that…I also want to say that just because a person shares of themselves, online, in a book, on a screen, whatever, doesn’t automatically mean that they are “fair game” for criticism and analysis. Who decided that, exactly?
I returned all the stuff I bought last week, which was a lot. Not because of any external opinions at all – I WANTED to keep that Rachel Comey dress, and wear it with my white birkenstocks, but I WANTED more to have that money to spend on other things on my “things I want to spend money on” list.
Here’s my list as it is as of this morning (I try to re-write it every morning):
- travel
- platinum hair
- teeth – whitening, straightening
- flying lessons – I forgot about this one for a while, but I really do want to learn how to fly. a plane LOL
- elizabeth suzann clyde culottes in clay
Anyway, it’s done. I’m not over finding pieces with patterns or colors, in fact I’m kind of tired of black pants. The shipment of my latest Elizabeth Suzann order of black silk andy trousers is imminent, but I’m not very excited about it – I wish I’d ordered them in rust. I wanted to order the rust, but I decided to play it “safe” and try black first. If I like the black, then, I thought, I’d order the rust.
Ah well. For the weekend in Charleston, I’m working with what I have – my James Perse dresses for dinners and these pants and a tee with Birkenstocks for walking around during the daytime.
Have a great weekend!!
Happy to see you today and thankful for your blog. Happy Friday!
Grechen, I missed the post the other day and had to scurry through and catch up. And now I’m so frigging pissed on your behalf. Pay no mind to the trolls who think they have free reign to insult you because you lead discussions about clothes and the roles they play in our lives and self-perceptions. You have introduced me to so many ideas and brands, and most importantly, helped me get in tune with what I want to wear instead of wearing what the (assh*le) male gaze wants me to wear. And being empowered by wearing what I want instead of feeling less than. THANK YOU for being so honest about your thought process. It’s an amazing contrast to the over-filtered, commercialized, commodified Insta-Influencer market that we need.
There will always be trolls. The more vulnerable you present yourself, the more likely you’ll get targeted. No way around it other than disabling comments.
Regarding your posts about dresses, I wasn’t gonna comment at first. I can totally relate to what you said about seeing something on someone and immediately going after the same thing. I’ve learned, however, that some things will *never* work on me (white sneakers, for instance). So I can pretend I don’t care but I do. If clothing I’m wearing makes me feel in any way self-conscious, I’m done with it. Plain and simple. The beauty of effortless style that also inspires others, IMO, is that you don’t think about how you look. It just makes you feel good. You feel like it’s your second skin. That’s what I’ve finally learned in my early 40s. It has to work for *me* first. I’ll happily admire certain outfits on others.
When you posted on Instagram. I figured you were responding to comments but hadn’t been paying enough attention to see them until I just went back. Wow. F’ them for all of it. I mean, it’s ok to join the styling conversation, but body shaming you and acting like you have to be “willowy” to wear anything fun is so f’ed up. I don’t know, there have been a whole bunch of deaths in my social circle this week, so I’m out of patience.
people seem to be losing all sense of human decency and respect for others. props to you for handling it with only a few f-bombs! keep doing you, most of us out here are grateful for your authentic voice.
that said, I am not beyond feeling the need for people to rise up and publicly shame Burberry for torching unsold merchandise. I try to be optimistic about the human capacity to change and do better; every day this becomes more challenging!
have a great weekend.
So sorry you have to deal with anyone being negative. You are beautiful and wonderful and have built a community where people are free to explore new ideas. You should be very proud and if people don’t want to appreciate you, they should really go elsewhere. Have a wonderful weekend.
I had to go back and read, too, as I’m just catching up on a few of this week’s posts. Your body does not exist to please anyone but you. Your value does not arise from the way you wear a striped dress. If it makes you happy, that’s delightful. If you invite conversation about the dress and whether it measures up to the BAR YOU SET FOR YOUR SEARCH, that’s fine. When someone crashes the party to assign value to the way your body looks in the dress, that’s not okay and it’s not normal criticism.
I value your voice and enjoy the way you share your process and your closet with your readers. I don’t always agree with everything, but I don’t expect that I have to, in order to find value in what you have to share.
Have a good weekend. x
I’ve thought about hiring someone at times to deal with comments and other social media stuff so I don’t have to deal with negative people. But I feel like I get negative attention in fits and spurts, so maybe it doesn’t make sense to devote resources to filtering it.
I’m glad about your final choice, because beyond the excitement of the initial picture of the Rachel Comey dress, I was just thinking along the lines of “I like her so much in the James Perse dresses she recently got, as fresh as the new dresses are, they may not be worth the money”!!! You also have cool jewelry to dress up these dresses .
Hey Grechen,
I love your blog, love the way you dress, your authenticity.
I rarely, if ever, read the comments so I totally missed what was going on (LOL, your first line made me double take with ‘wait, what? oh no!’.) I went back & read comments to get context.
I just wanted to say I think you are terrific. A terrific fucking person;-).
YES YES YES. DITTO!
I’m newer to your blog, Grechen, and I look forward to it every day.
Glad you are back!
Thoughts on #3 on your list, for what they are worth. After dithering about it for 15+ years, I finally just took the plunge and got Invisalign at age 43. I will need to report back as to whether the results are worth it. So far it hurts more than I expected and I did get some reactions from my kids who are shocked that I would spend this much on myself for an appearance issue that they do not even see (even though I am spending more on each of their braces…) Bonuses are: (1) you cannot snack while wearing Invisalign and end up losing weight because taking it out is too much trouble, (2) my teeth will be cleaner and whiter because I brush and floss every time I do take the Invisalign out to eat, and am drinking less coffee/tea because I can only drink water with it in, and (3) I am saving money by not buying coffee/tea drinks.
As someone with big/prominent teeth that are always visible — I always have had to keep them white. I have done both expensive dentist office and at home whitening treatments. What has worked best for me (to the extent that many people have complimented me on my white teeth and asked what products I use) is brushing with Rembrandt toothpaste plus the Arm & Hammer whitening booster. I use an electric toothbrush. I just switched from the Oral B to the Quip (yes, I fell for the marketing) and will need to report back on Quip. I use whitening mouthwash too. I also use the Rembrandt whitening strips 1-2 nights a week to boost whiteness.
Please ignor the haters. Yours is always the first email I open, and believe me I am subscribed to a ridiculous amount of blogs that I never read. I love your style, honesty amd just how real you are. I am in Australia so I am never going to buy anything you have, BUT it has motivated me to source items here in a mindful manner. I have just ordered a dress from Elk Australia because I have loved how you embrace your own personal style rather than worrying excessively about trends and all the rules about what is flattering. Noone looks good in a ‘flattering’ outfit with a miserable face because it is uncomfortable either physically, emotionally or financially. Keep on keeping on!
Hi Grechen,
I read your post yesterday and then, as other folks have, went back and read the comments from the previous post. I’m having difficulty typing as my eyes are filled with tears. I am *so* dependent, yes, dependent, on your voice. You put into words feelings I have (for what it’s worth Leah, you do the same!)!
Now to get back to your list (after blowing my nose); I’m getting old fashioned braces in two weeks. It’s been months: working with surgeons, ortho, dentists, etc. I’m 57! My jaw is a mess and, if I don’t get these braces I risk losing every one of my molars. It’s embarrassing as well as being expensive. Right now I’m consumed with doing everything I won’t be able to, like eat popcorn:)
You don’t have either the style or sophistication to pull off platinum hair. Although most of your Amen Charlenes won’t tell you the truth. Maybe you think that being brunette is boring, but streaks would look striking, more natural, and attractive.
I hate what social media has done to common decency!!
That being said…we all have fashion silhouettes that are more conventionally flattering…for you it seems to be the James Perse dresses that absolutely showcase your tiny waist and curvy hips. And then there are the “not conventionally” flattering looks. Oversized tops, roomy floaty pants (sometimes both at the same time)…garments that don’t necessarily flatter our figures but make us happy, comfy, cool in summer or warm in winter etc. I don’t dress for others, but for me.
I have a stink eye for patterns, but wouldn’t dream of insulting you or anyone else because they are wearing a pattern…or anything else for that matter.
Thank you for putting yourself out there, and for all of the time you put into writing your fabulous blog…
hugs…cheryl
I’ve probably said this half a dozen times in comments before, but I do love your honesty and it’s why I like following you. It’s easy to say fuck off to the nay sayers, but the words are still there and they do cut at times, but know you do have support and people who appreciate and value what you do and say.
Hear Hear!
Literally, Leah? I’m sorry to hear that. Sending positive vibes your way
My motto is “My Page – My Rules,” So if I receive nasty or negative comments, they’re gone. I don’t mind a discussion with someone who disagrees with me, but when it crosses the line into name calling or useless criticism, what is to be gained? I want a positive space.
I want to encourage you to stick with it, Dawn. My sister-in-law (same age as you & me) just got her braces off after going through the same situation as you. It was so hard and sometimes painful, but in the end, she has straight teeth, her jaw is where it should be and she’s pain-free. Stay smiling! You’re brave for taking this on! 🙂
Yeah, my grandma died, we had to put my pet rats down, and two close family members of friends died, all in the space of 3 days. It’s been a rough one. Thank you.
Oh Elk clothing (and jewellery) is gorgeous! I’m the same in that I live in NZ so get inspired by Grechen’s philosophy and style but buy local and ethical. The range is growing here which is great.
The F word is my FAVORITE free therapy. I’m also a big fan of putting myself in time out. I was selfishly hoping to see you back though 😉
Thanks Mamavalveetao3! Welcome all the encouragement:)
Desr Grechen – i am truly sorry tat someele see the purpose of social media as a place to hurt and harm rather than a place to cummunicate and connect – I agree with what ypur much kinder and wiser readers have weitten – please keep being you!
And to you others – you might want to think “Kind? True? Necessary? https://www.huffingtonpost.com/nora-mcinerny-purmort/kind-true-necessary_b_9376204.html
Hey Edie. How about if you don’t have something nice to say, you don’t say it at all?
Edie, I don’t think Grechen was asking for anyone’s opinion or advice on the platinum hair.
“Have you considered streaks instead of going full platinum? I think that streaks would look striking, more natural, and attractive.”
FTFY
Dear Edie:
Your comment was neither necessary nor kind. What Grechen does with her hair or puts on her body does not need to meet with your approval. It’s hair. It’s HER hair. If she doesn’t like it, she can change it, and if she loves it, your opinion changes nothing but possibly her mood, and to what end? If her sartorial choices and personal styling does not appeal, read another blog. Have a nice day.
*do not appeal
There’s a way to say it without being mean. Edie, Take note: Blog = Real live person with feelings.
And then there’s Exhibit A: What you just said.
🙂
There is a bridge missing its troll somewhere!
Grechen,
Can you please block Edie because he is ruining my experience of your lovely blog? No one wants to hear Edie and the garbage coming out of his “unsophisticated” mouth. I’m sorry for calling him what he called you. I know it’s immature. However, Edie is ruining what is normally a lovely, gratifying experience of your blog. I take personal offense of these attacks on someone I consider to be a friend (granted, it’s a one way friendship). And I am super pissed.
Oh my Grechen, I went back as I didn’t understand what had happened. These did not appear to be regular readers and the fact that a few showed up on the same day is a bit suspicious. I would just ignore it at this point. I do think it was just mean behavior in general and nothing worth analyzing. But while we are on the topic I would also like to say the whole concept that everyone must look one way in an article of clothing is ridiculous. Personal style is all about our differences and all of us should enjoy our clothing based on we feel in it, not how we compare to someone younger, thinner or taller. Referring to your writing style, I always feel that you are being transparent and real. Sure, you may have anxiety and insecurity (don’t we all?!). I have days when I feel frustrated by my short legs and ever expanding middle aged belly but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t wear what I want and enjoy the cut of a garment or the feel of a natural fabric.
Hugs to you my dear and keep on keeping on…I appreciate your efforts and you are one of the few blogs I still read regularly.