Eileen Fisher harem pants | size medium (regular, not petite)
James Perse ruched 3/4 sleeve top | older style, striped version on sale at Saks off fifth
James Perse exclusive Birkenstocks
Admonish custom leather tote
It took a while for me to convince myself it was okay to wear my harem pants JUST to run to Costco and the post office yesterday. In my mind, I think “what a waste” to wear these to Costco, but why? why is it a waste to wear something I love to do everyday things? My life, my lifestyle, is so casual, that often the only thing I do is go to Pure Barre, and/or Costco, Target or Whole Foods, and spend the rest of my time working at home.
But I love clothes. And I love to WEAR clothes. I have a lot of nice clothes. So why shouldn’t I wear them every day? What’s wrong with harem pants at Costco?
What it boils down to, I think, is that I feel like sometimes my life right now isn’t good enough to wear the things I love. My every day tasks aren’t important enough for for me to “get dressed.” I haven’t always felt this way. Mid-life crisis maybe? NO, definitely.
I really am happy. And satisfied with my life in general, but am feeling also the pull for MORE. What’s next in my life? How can I do more? How can I BE more? And this is what’s triggered my frustration with having clothes I feel like I can’t, or shouldn’t wear every day. Just my overall anxiety about the future I guess.
But dammit. I wore my harem pants to Costco, and while I can’t be sure I didn’t get an awful lot of side-eye, I didn’t care. Because I did feel like me, and not so anxious about the future for an hour or so.
Lesson learned. Wear your clothes.
What do you have that you don’t wear because you feel like your life isn’t “good enough” to wear it? what do you save for special occasions, and then never end up wearing?
Gees, my life consists of going to school to drop/pick up my daughter, grocery shopping and the occasional client lunch. I work out of home and I rarely have work related events so I’m home most of the time. Therefore, I only wear my good clothes when I am out, which is most often when I go grocery shopping! So for me, going to Costco with a nice outfit on IS when I would look nice. Never save my nice clothes for special occasions ever. Done that too many times in the past and ended up selling or giving away brand new, never worn clothes based on that silly mantra.
thanks wendy – i’m trying to get over this…and it’s so strange, because i never was this way before. maybe it’s texas 😉
i used to like to get dressed to do whatever, but then i started to feel like it wasn’t worth it – or I wasn’t worth it. which is the same time i started to feel anxiety about the future, and sad about moving … all things go together!! i think i’m working my way out of it though. wearing my harem pants to costco definitely helped …
Use what you love and love what you use – and yes, that means wearing harem pants to Costco! I’m struggling with a couple of pairs of more expensive pants – some eileen fisher ankle pants and Doncaster trousers. I spent more money on these pants than I would normally spend for work clothing (I’m more a Talbots & Lands end $45 work pant sort of person). But I love the pants, I did get a good deal on them, they look good *on me*, and I’m expecting them to be worn often and last a long time so my cost per wear metric should be great. If I can just get myself to wear them to work like I am supposed to!
I have the opposite problem…I work out of the home and do get to wear my nicer clothes almost every day. I also have a great wardrobe of casual clothes that I feel like do not get worn enough. I usually change into my lulus and a t shirt or sweater when I get home (my jammies is what my hubby calls them) and often wear the same on the weekends unless we are going out.
Going through my closet recently and purging, I realized I have so many casual things that I love to wear and have made a concerted effort to wear them. So now when I get home, I will pull out my boyfriend jeans or other capris and put on a sweater, cute t shirt or button down shirt. A win win for me, my clothes and my husband 🙂
Wear what you own when you want to! You rock those pants always and everywhere. As long as we don’t see you on the shoppers of Walmart website, you are golden!
I didn’t even have to think twice: my cashmere sweaters. And I, too, have a very casual lifestyle, so just when do I think I’m going to wear them if not at home? I mean, it’s not like I’m going to frame them and stick them on my wall! I bought them to wear them.
You’re so right: Lesson learned.
I feel this way exactly! And it sounds like we have pretty similar outings, except I go to The Bar Method instead of Pure Barre :). I recently got two cashmere sweaters from Everlane; I love them and I want to wear them everywhere, but I feel like I need to save them for special occasions. I end up wearing pajamas 99% of the time, feeling a bit like a slob, and not enjoying the clothes I really love.
I have to say, though, that I really like how you seem to spend your money on clothes you can wear comfortably at home. I have a tendency to spend money only on pieces that I think I “should” have. I have, for example, about six different pencil skirts and I am always tempted to buy more whenever J Crew has a sale. But the only time I might wear a pencil skirt is to church, and I definitely don’t need so many of them even for that. It would make no sense for me to wear a pencil skirt around the house, which is where I am most of the time. I think I’m too influenced by the style of people whose lifestyles are much different than mine. Anyway, I’ve been working on using my clothes budget for pieces that actually make sense for what I do on a daily basis.
You look great in the harem pants! I couldn’t carry that off. I have some nicer sweaters that I don’t always wear because they get roughed up with my heavy purse and semi-heavy backpack that I wear to work every day. I do need to up my game on weekend wear though since I fall back on jeans and flannel shirts at this time of the year. Maybe I need to reduce the junk in my purse as well as weed out my closet : )
thanks sandy! my bag is a whole other story!! although i’ve gotten much better about not keeping so much in it lately. i might be down to 4-5 lip balms/lipsticks instead of 10 like before 😉
yay! twins 🙂 except you have the best hair ever…
wear your cashmere!!! i live in cashmere when it’s cold, it’s the only thing that seems to keep me remotely warm enough. i know, that sounds so snobbish…but i’ve gotten some really amazing deals on inhabit cashmere over the years, and it holds up well, so i’ve acquired quite a collection!
i’ve always been one to spend money on “basics” when other people say that’s a place to save…i guess i feel like i really live in my basic pieces, and they’re the foundation upon which everything else lays, so why not have the best basics you can afford? so…i have a lot of really great basics, and wear-around-the-house stuff. thank goodness it’s also appropriate for wearing in public!
i’ve definitely fallen into the trap of “things i should have” – i’ve written quite a bit about that lately, and in fact, am writing about it now for a post tomorrow.
keep working…it takes time. it’s taken me 10 years blogging to finally figure everything out, and when i say i everything, i actually mean 50% off stuff 😉 but more than i had figured out 5 or even 1 year ago..
lol. i guess you COULD frame them. but what fun would that be? why don’t you wear your cashmere? i can’t wait until it gets cool enough to wear it here. i pretty much live in cashmere when it dips below 60 degrees!
ack! never. i really don’t like wal-mart, so avoid it like the plague, so hopefully i’d never end up on that site!!
hey, at least recognizing that you’re not wearing the things you love enough is something. i think sometimes you really do have to make an effort to wear something “different” instead of the things you wore yesterday that are hanging on hooks in your bathroom. am i right?? i get stuck in that trap all the time and have to remember i have other clothes LOL
Well, that’s one of my problems: I am “flashing” constantly! I cook, I overheat…I make the bed, I overheat…I do the dishes, I overheat. Menopause it not for sissies! Or cashmere either. I can’t wait til it gets cold enough for me to wear my sweaters comfortably. I got a VINCE ultralight cashmere v-neck from my mom and dad for my birthday, but it’s gone unworn so far.
I’d be really interested in a “pare down your bag” post, if anyone else might be.
Thanks for the encouragement :). I love the idea of spending more on well-made basics; I’m hoping the longer I blog, the wiser I will become at dressing myself :).
One of the things I love most about your blog is that your look is accessible. You wear things that I would wear and that I can afford to buy. Those harem pants are awesome and good for you for wearing them to Costco. I think you are right about it being Texas. I grew up in San Antonio and people seem to dress up more there. When I moved to Austin, it literally took me a year to stop wearing pantyhose to work every day, though I never wear them now. These days, I mostly live in Everlane V-neck tees and my Paige denim jeans. I like my simple look, and I can dress it up with jewelry and a cardigan.
I did wear a vintage-style dress and new oxfords to my son’s Halloween carnival Friday and I think I got a few sideways glances, too. But I don’t have a lot of chances to dress like that these days, so I took advantage of it and had fun.
i work outside of the home, but it’s not a situation where I feel a great need to dress to impress. So, I end up wearing the same few pairs of dress pants and whatever top doesn’t need to be ironed. Meanwhile, I have a black DvF wrap dress (which was a fashion holy grail item for me for YEARS) that sits in my closet waiting for the perfect occasion. It’s so silly, and I do tell myself periodically that I need to just wear it on a random day, but so far that hasn’t happened.
Count me in on the “pare down your bag” post- I still carry what appears to be a diaper bag and “the baby” is twenty-six and pregnant herself!
This post really hit me where I live. I’m a native Texan who fights her tendency to overdress by buying clothes I love and then “saving them for good,” as my grandmother would say. We need to wear clothes that make us feel good, and as long as we are appropriately dressed for the occasion at hand (no swimsuits at a funeral, etc.) we should care less what others think about our sartorial choices. I’ve been wearing suits to work lately, partly to make a good impression on my new boss, but also because I realize I feel better and work better when I look the part. So once again I’m overdressed, but in a way that makes me feel more confident and capable. Surely that’s not a bad thing? Clothes that you love give you superpowers, so wear those harem pants proudly and let the side eye glances fall on deaf ears, to mangle a metaphor or two.
I would be interested, but honestly, it might be easier to pare down my closet!
I work from home mostly as well but am learning to wear what I love as well. I have a collection of about 8 DVF wrap dresses that languish at the back of my closet. I won’t get rid of them as they’re instant classics but I don’t wear them as often as I should as they are really showy. Ditto for my 4 pairs of Manolo Blahnik heels- basic and always in style but I just can’t do heels regularly anymore. I do have a pair of Louboutin’s that I should probably divest myself of but they were my “divorce” shoes and are amazing. I’ve worn them a total of 5 times in 7 years. LOL
yes!! “clothes you love give you superpowers”!! that is so true, to an extent of course – see my “clothing is not armor” post 😉 but absolutely looking nice and wearing things you love makes you feel more confident, and able to take on anything. like “i got this!” i definitely felt less anxious at costco 😉 because shopping there can be very anxiety inducing!!
it’s funny, because i’ve never cared about what others think about what i’m wearing. or so i thought…maybe i do more than i think, or else this wouldn’t be an issue for me? although, I really think it’s coming from me. it’s that i don’t think I am “good enough” in some ways to wear what I have and love – more than others, I care about what that nasty voice in my head says to me about wearing harem pants to costco. and i ascribe that voice to the “others” … more than anything, i need to learn how to silence my inner critic – which could be the hardest thing i’ve tackled to date!
girl…if you can WEAR that black dvf dress, then WEAR it!! if i had one and went to an office, or outside job, i’d absolutely wear it. there’s something about a wrap dress that makes you feel so good…
just pick a day, and wear it 😉
you will. hopefully it won’t take 10 years… 😉
i think the halloween carnival is the perfect opportunity to wear a “fun” outfit. if not then, when???
I would have been truly delighted to see someone in harem pants whilst shopping at Costco 🙂
haha! yes, me too! i would have stopped her to talk for a bit 🙂
That’s the rub, isn’t it? How to take our self-knowledge and put it into action. Still working on that here.
I loved this post, Grechen! Actually, I really love your posts in general but as a blogger myself, I don’t often comment on other people’s blogs. However, this post inspired me to do so because you and I have SO much in common. I feel like I could have written this post myself. Our lives are very much the same and I feel like I don’t wear my favorite clothes often enough, either. It’s almost like I try to create things to do and places to go so I can wear my clothes! Like you, I am pushing myself to wear my favorite clothes even when I’m doing something as mundane as going to Costco because WE are special enough to wear our clothes, even if the occasion doesn’t seem special enough.
I am also feeling the pull for “more” in my life. I feel like I live so much of my life online and I am yearning to do more in the “real world.” But I don’t know what “more” I want as of yet. I definitely feel like I”m having a midlife crisis and have been for a while (I’m 48, so a bit older than you for sure). I wish we lived closer to each other so we could meet for coffee (decaf – I’ve been off caffeine myself for over a year) and hash it all out. But alas, many miles separate us, so I will just continue to enjoy reading your wonderful posts and taking in all of your words of wisdom. Virtual hugs and best wishes always!
Debbie Roes´s last blog post ..Peeling Away the Layers – Another Jewelry Pare-Down
couldn’t have said it better myself 🙂 love that “use what you love and love what you use”
oh debbie! i’m so honored you left such a meaningful comment 🙂
we could talk for HOURS i’m sure, but i’ve done the same thing – tried to create occasions to wear my clothes (travel…), etc. but yes, you are correct, that we are special enough to wear our “special” clothes every day, no need to wait!
If I saw you at Costco rocking those harem pants, I’d immediately ask where you bought them! Wear what you love, when you want to.