We’re back from our vacation and wow, I needed that so much. I had some anxiety about getting together during a pandemic, but we were all so careful leading up to and during our visit that I felt at ease once we were all together. We didn’t really go anywhere; we brought all our food with us and everything we could possibly need, we just all enjoyed being together. It feels cliche to say it, but what a balm for my soul. I was feeling very sad and lonely before, and while I still haven’t seen my dad and stepmom for a very long time, at least getting to see my mom and sister made me feel some hope, interestingly enough, given that the news is so apocalyptic.
Hawk is basically a toddler now, it’s like we took a baby to Arkansas and brought back a two-year old. He’s walking steadily; like he’s been doing it his whole life. He’s interacting more, taking more in, and also becoming quite testy. I know it’s too early for terrible twos but wow…he’s borderline acting out and has thrown a couple of tantrums lately. Not even a year old. Whoa.
I almost didn’t post my outfit picture today because I don’t recognize myself. If I’m being honest, I’m slightly mortified that my weight is back up to where it was seven years ago – where I never thought I would be again. Aside from not looking like myself – or how I WANT to look, let’s be honest – I don’t feel good. I can’t move like I want, even when I don’t have pain, and I’m uncomfortable with the extra weight.
I am not complaining anymore, it is what it is (well, okay, maybe I’m complaining a little, I can’t help it…). I created a remarkable human being, and in exchange, I gained 45 pounds. What a small price to pay – I’m thankful I could pay it. I’m going to start trying to lose the weight now (although I am still in pain more often than not), but I suspect it will be harder than ever, even with my increased activity rate. I am sitting down now because he’s napping, but most of the day I’m chasing Hawk around, cleaning up after him, or cooking food for him, so I’m constantly moving; it feels like I burn a million calories a day.
Anyway, enough about that. This is me now.
How are you???