Sometimes I need a little reminder, that clothes are just clothes. They are really only important insofar as you have the pieces you need, and love, to get on with your life. Life. You know, that thing that’s passing you by while you’re too busy thinking about clothes?
These past few weeks I’ve been obsessing over my closet: what to get rid of, what to keep, what I needed (or thought I needed), etc., etc., but having my mom in town for the last several days has given me a nice break. This photo was actually just something we took while I was trying to learn how to use the camera; I didn’t intend to ever publish it. I’m not wearing makeup, and have my hair pulled back because it’s just a disaster right now. But this was my life over the weekend – I just enjoyed my time with my mother & husband, not thinking too much about my outward appearance beyond being comfortable (it was HOT!!!) and relatively presentable. And you know what? hell didn’t freeze over. I survived and was incredibly happy & satisfied not thinking so much about what I was wearing. Clothes were just clothes.
But as I was driving home today from dropping her off at the airport, I did think a lot about WHY I have so many clothes, and why particularly, I go through phases when I acquire A LOT (recently) and then look back and wonder why. There are probably several reasons for that, but what I honed in on most acutely was the idea of scarcity.
Luckily, I live in a country and situation where I have never really known scarcity, and hopefully never will. But if you looked in my closet, you’d think there was a global shortage of white v-neck tees & James Perse.
I’ll be the first one to admit that I can live in a world of all-or-nothing sometimes. Like when I have jelly beans in the house, I can either eat all of them, or none of them. If I open the bag, I must finish them immediately. And I have panic attacks when I think about dieting because I’m afraid that I’ll NEVER get to eat jelly beans again because by the time I can allow myself a little treat, Jelly Belly will have stopped making them altogether.
Or when I go into James Perse, I must purchase what I like RIGHT NOW because it might be gone next time. I don’t even wait for sales much anymore. I don’t know what’s created this sense of urgency in me lately – moving maybe? losing Ozzie? getting older? Perhaps it’s everything all together, at least now I know what the problem is: I think that if I don’t have/buy it now, I’ll never have it.
Of course that’s not true, but somehow I’ve trained myself to believe that it is. How to re-train myself that it’s not? I’m not exactly sure, but I do think something that will help is to really try harder this summer to just not purchase anything new. I’m not going to ban myself from buying anything, or even set a budget (because then, I might be tempted to buy just to keep the budget), I’m just going to be hyper-aware of what I’m looking at buying and why*. I’m not going to put myself in situations where I’m very tempted (not a lot of shopping then..), and focus more on doing OTHER things I love, like walking outside, reading, etc.,
*I wrote this post during the day and in between had to run to Target & Costco. I always wander through the clothing at Target just to see what’s there, and of course, ended up with something…which you’ll see tomorrow…but only because it’s something similar to what I’ve been wanting FOREVER.
Do you struggle with the idea of scarcity? do you think you have to buy something NOW or else you’ll not get the opportunity again? And can’t face the idea of missing out? How have you managed it? (or…is it only me???)