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Splendid maxi dress with slit | size medium, my colorway isn’t available online 🙁
H&M Conscious Collection tee
Birkenstock Arizona sandals
Sometimes I need a little reminder, that clothes are just clothes. They are really only important insofar as you have the pieces you need, and love, to get on with your life. Life. You know, that thing that’s passing you by while you’re too busy thinking about clothes?
These past few weeks I’ve been obsessing over my closet: what to get rid of, what to keep, what I needed (or thought I needed), etc., etc., but having my mom in town for the last several days has given me a nice break. This photo was actually just something we took while I was trying to learn how to use the camera; I didn’t intend to ever publish it. I’m not wearing makeup, and have my hair pulled back because it’s just a disaster right now. But this was my life over the weekend – I just enjoyed my time with my mother & husband, not thinking too much about my outward appearance beyond being comfortable (it was HOT!!!) and relatively presentable. And you know what? hell didn’t freeze over. I survived and was incredibly happy & satisfied not thinking so much about what I was wearing. Clothes were just clothes.
But as I was driving home today from dropping her off at the airport, I did think a lot about WHY I have so many clothes, and why particularly, I go through phases when I acquire A LOT (recently) and then look back and wonder why. There are probably several reasons for that, but what I honed in on most acutely was the idea of scarcity.
Luckily, I live in a country and situation where I have never really known scarcity, and hopefully never will. But if you looked in my closet, you’d think there was a global shortage of white v-neck tees & James Perse.
I’ll be the first one to admit that I can live in a world of all-or-nothing sometimes. Like when I have jelly beans in the house, I can either eat all of them, or none of them. If I open the bag, I must finish them immediately. And I have panic attacks when I think about dieting because I’m afraid that I’ll NEVER get to eat jelly beans again because by the time I can allow myself a little treat, Jelly Belly will have stopped making them altogether.
Or when I go into James Perse, I must purchase what I like RIGHT NOW because it might be gone next time. I don’t even wait for sales much anymore. I don’t know what’s created this sense of urgency in me lately – moving maybe? losing Ozzie? getting older? Perhaps it’s everything all together, at least now I know what the problem is: I think that if I don’t have/buy it now, I’ll never have it.
Of course that’s not true, but somehow I’ve trained myself to believe that it is. How to re-train myself that it’s not? I’m not exactly sure, but I do think something that will help is to really try harder this summer to just not purchase anything new. I’m not going to ban myself from buying anything, or even set a budget (because then, I might be tempted to buy just to keep the budget), I’m just going to be hyper-aware of what I’m looking at buying and why*. I’m not going to put myself in situations where I’m very tempted (not a lot of shopping then..), and focus more on doing OTHER things I love, like walking outside, reading, etc.,
*I wrote this post during the day and in between had to run to Target & Costco. I always wander through the clothing at Target just to see what’s there, and of course, ended up with something…which you’ll see tomorrow…but only because it’s something similar to what I’ve been wanting FOREVER.
Do you struggle with the idea of scarcity? do you think you have to buy something NOW or else you’ll not get the opportunity again? And can’t face the idea of missing out? How have you managed it? (or…is it only me???)
I can totally relate. I’m obsessing about what I’m going to take to visit my parents later this month (I’m going by train and so naturally want to travel light) and have to keep reminding myself that they really don’t care what I wear! In many ways, clothes are just clothes. But of course, we want to dress to feel good and appropriate and carefree, and so that’s why we hang out here, to try to figure out what wardrobe will do that for us. I’m also really depressed about what I’m reading in the news regarding Afghanistan and Nigeria and Ukraine, and I feel guilty for worrying about how many shirts to pack. What helps assuage my guilt for overconsumption is that I shop second-hand, so I support worthy charities at thrift shops for both buying and selling (and I just purged my closet and donated three boxes of stuff this weekend). At the end of the day, clothing manufacturers continue to churn out stuff, so we can take a pass and know that more stuff will come along. Because you shop for a living, you should feel safe in the knowledge that if you ever really need an item, you’ll know how to find it.
Sorry, that’s rather short on answers, but I hope you realize you’re not the only one struggling with this. So glad you had a great time with your mom.
Like you I have a tendency to buy it now because I might miss out and but often I regret it later. This is mainly because it is not the perfect item but is close enough. The problem with me is then I only see the thing that make the item less than perfect once I have it then don’t wear it. So I have decided that unless it is perfect I will not be buyinig anything. So far so good. I went shopping on the weekend and bought 2 items that I love and are my version of perfect. I walked away from a lot of items & tried on a lot of things to find the perfect but in the long term if I want a smaller, better curated wardrobe the effort will be worth it.
that’s a great strategy…and one i do try to adopt most of the time. but what happens when most of what you try on is “perfect”? as so often happens with me at james perse?? that’s when i have to leave and think about what i REALLY want/need – and most of the time, it turns out i’ve forgotten about it by the next day…so i think implementing a 24 hour rule has helped me a lot, but that doesn’t work with ordering online!!
and i’ve done that too – only see what’s NOT perfect after I get something home. why do we do that??
thanks laurel!
the problem for me is that i KNOW that everything in my “main” closet looks good on me, feels good on me, and is appropriate for almost any situation i could find myself it. so i really shouldn’t have to think too much about outfits, or choosing what to wear; just assess my day and throw something on. but somehow it always ends up being more complicated than that, which is why i really relish the idea of doing challenges where i can only wear a certain number of items for a certain period of time. AT FIRST. then, of course, i get tired of it and give up 😉 but it does make it much easier to pack for traveling that way!!
and then, of course, i don’t like that so much of my time/thoughts/energy is taken up with thinking about what i’m wearing. WHY is that? WHY is it so important? i think i know why, and of course it’s internal, and i’m working on fixing that, but it’s much more difficult than i thought it would be…i thought that once i created the “near-perfect” wardrobe that it would fix the internal problem. at my age i should know better than that by now!! 😉
Ah yes, the old question of perfection, which we’ve discussed here. I think many of us are on the quest for the perfect whatever, but feel we come up short. And I keep laying the blame to a large extent on manufacturers that make what they think we want, instead of what real women actually want. I often settle for things that are less than perfect because I simply can’t find what I want, and then have to give that item away when something better comes along. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that I live in Canada, which is a retail wasteland. But that’s another story. 😉
Obviously there are a lot of things at play here. Clothes (and shopping) are a kind of hobby that we get pleasure from. Many women don’t put much thought into their wardrobe and that’s fine. But we do, and that’s fine, too. Maybe there’s a bit of general perfectionism going on–we want to look our absolute best. I know that’s a factor for me. There might also be some deep-seated issues like insecurity or scarcity. I grew up on a farm and we were literally dirt poor, so now I want to surround myself with beautiful things that I feel I’ve worked hard for. I think as long as we’re not overly hurting ourselves or others or the environment, we should probably let ourselves off the hook. There are far worse hobbies. ; )
This isn’t my particular hangup, as we used to call it, but I’ve got them:). Mine is more around having what’s “appropriate.” Once I have that set, then I get kind of bored of clothes, overall.
That said, it doesn’t take too much for the frame of “appropriate” to expand…
I see nothing with wanting to look your best within reason of course. I luv fashion and I am bit addicted to it I suppose which is where my money goes. I suppose if you find kindred friends the small indulgences aren’t noticed…
Such a great post to read. I absolutely over obssess over my wardrobe. What to keep, what I need blah blah blah… so your post is a lovely reminder to just stop … sometimes 🙂
I used to have the mentality of worrying that I might miss out. Now I find that my wardrobe is in such good shape that I can consider items without the panic and drama of simply just having to have it. I found I can be a very emotional buyer and only ‘think’ sensibly about the garment days later … I made a lot of purchase mistakes. Pleased to day that the mistakes are few and far between these days and I no longer settle for ‘almost’ right… it has to be my perfect piece or I don’t buy it 🙂
that’s where i seem to have a disconnect a lot of the time: my wardrobe is in great shape, i have enough, and i love everything i have, but i do still sometimes panic, or make impulse – less than perfect – buys. just to buy i think. i probably do it sometimes to fill an emotional void, but also, i think i just LOVE clothes. LOVE them.
Target will suck you in to buying stuff you didn’t plan to, I think they put something in the air. 🙂
I went to Target on Sunday to buy toiletries and food and somehow pajamas ended up in my cart, but I didn’t buy them because I had an internal conversation going on in my head as to whether I really needed it when I had a drawer with perfectly suitable and similar items.
You are definitely not alone in wondering about issues surrounding the closet and what’s in it and whether it is all enough. I’ve been thinking a lot lately as to whether some or most of the things I’ve bought over the years were really worth spending my money (or credit in my younger dumber financial days) to obtain. There’s probably a good percentage that I would say it wasn’t worth it. I don’t necessarily deal with the idea of scarcity because when looking at the big picture, I know I do have plenty but I do feel like I have to have that shoe or that bag or that dress right now just because I want it and it’s pretty. It makes it even harder to deal with when you love fashion and shopping. I know part of the reason I’m really questioning my choices and patterns of behavior is because I’m getting older. It’s always important to enjoy the moment but I’ve always been the type to think about the future and I’m really trying to visualize what my future self and life looks like. I want future me to be able to resist the call of spending and be more of a saver but it’s an everyday struggle.
Grechen, just keep in mind that your closet isn’t lacking anything and if you buy something new, it’s going to take away from you enjoying/wearing what’s already in your possession. And if you feel like you are going to miss out, what exactly are you missing and is it worth your time, your money, your energy?
I’m going to need to think about that too!
Damn capitalism gets me every time! There is nothing I dislike more than the scarcity model, whether it is artificially imposed (lululemon) or a basic supply and demand issue for many small scale independent designers.
When the hunt becomes all consumng, that’s when I need to step back and reevaluate. The first step for me is accepting that my issues center on control and a feeling of powerlesness. Whether it’s excess (stockpiling or impulse buys) or minimalism (the perfect edited wardrobe) the root issue remains the same. I can’t predict future needs or wants or market availability, but I can make decisions about what works right now. This has freed me to be more playful with my choices as well.
that’s a great way to look at it…visualizing your future self. and that is something i’ve NEVER been good at. i just don’t do it, or really even think about the future much at all. although down deep, i am thinking about it, but more in terms of hoarding things so that if i CAN’T buy anything new sometime in the future, at least i’d have the things i need…which is so strange to me. why would i think that way?
and you are SO RIGHT about that last part: every new thing i buy takes away from my enjoying what i already have…i have done better at remembering that lately. but i should be more aware of that…