Outfit: Everlane Update & a Confession

outfit2252013

WEARING
James Perse skirt
Lululemon top (I am CRAZY About this top. I got it on sale, but will get another one or two, and definitely pay full price. It’s long, and the sleeves are long, but it’s really flattering, and very comfortable)
Swedish Hasbeens clogs
Jerome Dreyfuss Billy bag with added long strap
Givenchy Hydra sparkling magic lip & cheek balm on my lips and cheeks – I LOVE THIS STUFF!!! it’s pretty intense when you first put it on, but balances out to the perfect shade of pink on your lips & cheeks. You only need to use VERY LITTLE.

First, an update: I am so excited about Everlane (and super-impressed with their customer service and that their social media manager reached out on my review post) that I placed an order yesterday for the cashmere cardigan & another v-neck tee, both in size medium. Believe it or not, I do NOT already have a black cashmere cardigan, so I’d been wanting to find a good, classic, affordable version for a while. As soon as it comes in, I’ll review it – I’m very interested to see how it fits/feels compared to Inhabit NY. Miss Sophie likes hers, so it must be wonderful :)

And now, a confession: I am going to be losing 50 pounds this year. You know of my struggles with weight and my body image if you’ve been reading for long, and while I do feel generally happy with the way my body is looking after nearly daily Pure Barre workouts, it’s time for me to bite the bullet and really get down to a healthier weight. And by that, I mean thin.

Please click through if you’re interested…

If I felt like I could really be happy and comfortable in my body 20-25 pounds over my “ideal” weight of about 115-120 for my height, then I would aim for that. I’ve actually been there, and my body tends to plateau at about 140 – it seems to be where I stop losing weight – but I don’t want to be overweight anymore. I want to feel thin, and light, and not have any extra fat get in the way of being able to do stretches and workouts that I want. I have been working SO HARD lately and have really noticed a difference in the shape of my body, but without losing the fat, while I do generally FEEL good, I don’t look the way I feel. I want to for ONCE in my life, look as good as I feel. I have NEVER been my “ideal” weight; and certainly never been thin. I have always been the biggest person in my Pure Barre class, in high school I was always bigger than everyone else – even in college.

Anyway, I am more and more concerned about my health, now that I’m 40, and I believe that I have family history on my side if I can get down to a low percentage of body fat, and a healthy weight. Both of my parents are thin, over 70, and they do not have any health problems at all. My grandfather was always thin, and he lived to be nearly 90. I do have heart disease in my family – my grandmother died before I was born at 50, but she was very overweight and smoked a lot, so I do feel like I can go a long way towards preventing that by losing weight. And I’ve never smoked…

My vet is adamant that my dog be kept just a little underweight because it’s better for his joints and his heart, and I’ve read articles and studies on humans living longer by calorie restriction and maintaining very low body fat percentage. I’m not going to go that far; I love food and I don’t want to live forever, but I do want to be as healthy as I can, so my body can at least fight harder as I get older. And I want to FEEL GOOD as I get older.

Why am I telling you all this? Because in a way, I’ve used this blog, my clothes, etc., as an EXCUSE NOT to lose the weight I need to. If I lose 50 pounds, I’ll look totally different; I won’t be a size 10-12-14 anymore – maybe a lot of you won’t be able to relate to my body type, or size anymore – I don’t want to lose that sense of camaraderie with you. I also like being one of the few fashion/shopping bloggers that’s a “normal” size and can relate to average-sized, curvy women. But I’ve come to accept that I’ll still be me – nothing will change except for my size – and although that’s a big change, it’s not everything.

I also LOVE most of my clothes and I hate the idea of not being able to wear them anymore. The idea of buying a whole new wardrobe is very daunting, but it will finally be my chance to create my “ideal” closet filled with only a few high-quality essentials – I’ll just have to be very careful to not go crazy buying everything that fits. (I’ve done that before)

Anyway, I’m looking forward to this journey, and taking it with you. I started David Kirsch’s “ultimate NY diet” yesterday which is a pretty intense low fat, high protein, low carb diet, and I hope to see results within 4 weeks. I’ve done Atkins before, which is similar, but definitely NOT low fat or low calorie, and saw results very quickly (which is crucial for me, if I don’t, I give up). I’ve tried everything over the years; I’m a pro at dieting, which is NOT something I’m proud of. After I lose the weight I need to, I’m finished dieting. I’ve finally been able to identify my problem foods and I know how I need to eat to be able to stay healthy. Which is not to say I’m not going to cheat every once in a while, but I’m tired of feeling physically bad after eating things that aren’t good for my body just because I can. Or want to. All my life, I’ve been defined by food – either what I’m eating, or what I’m not eating – and I’m SO tired of that. I want to be free of that once and for all, and now’s my chance. I know I can do it, for the first time, I know I can lose the weight and keep it off – something I was never able to do before.

Things are different now. I’m different now. Maybe it is just getting older – turning 40 seems to have done something to me; I feel calmer, happier and more optimistic about the future. I just finally want everything to be in sync; I want to FEEL and LOOK good. So, here goes… :)

Thanks for being here with me.

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Comments

  1. Mamavalveeta03 says

    You’re right: Changing your weight won’t change the “you” inside. I expect that you’ll still be the same relateable, warm-hearted person you’ve always been. And I understand that feeling when you hit that point (age) in your life when you realize, “OK, I can get stronger and healthier right NOW, or it’s all going to be downhill from here!” I’ve been there, but I’m stuck in a rut and have told myself that I’m powerless to change it, which isn’t true. I just talked to my husband the other day about my desire to lose 50 lbs. I’d love to take this journey with you, but I’m not sure that I’m ready in my head, yet. I know that it has to happen if I want to be an active, healthy Grandma to my daughter’s about-to-be-born child. Plus, I want to travel and be able to go on bike rides and hikes with my husband again! Hopefully, you’ll be my inspiration and I’ll make that decision to lose the extra pounds a reality. Thanks for being so honest, Grechen!

    • says

      i completely understand “being ready in your head” – it took me a long time to get here, but i’m definitely ready to move on. i’m just SO OVEr being defined by food, my weight and how i look. i get that I’M the one who’s defining me that way, but still, i want to move beyond that, and the way for me to do it is to lose weight. maybe that’s not what everyone else needs to do, but it’s what I need to do. i KNOW that in my heart and in my head. i accept myself the way i look now. i feel great, and i think i look pretty good too, but it’s not enough for me going forward.

      i think that it hit me when i was talking to my mom and she expressed her frustration that she needs to lose 6 pounds. at first, i rolled my eyes, but then, i realized that she knows at what weight she feels healthiest, and that she needs to get back there. and besides, on her, 6 pounds is a LOT, because she’s very very small. she’s been very healthy recently, and i’m pretty sure that’s a result of her staying within a few pounds of her ideal weight, exercising and eating well…i don’t know why i can’t do that too…

      • Mamavalveeta03 says

        Easier said than done for some of us. I really think some people are blessed with a fast metabolism (like my dad) and weight-loss and food “addiction” aren’t really an issue for them. He always says, “I just push myself away from the table. That’s my weight loss plan!” And I feel like smacking him! I used to be skinny…a rail, really (at 5’10″ and 125). But after I gained maturity, had kids, and took a liking to Cheetos and chocolate, it became REALLY hard to change my bad habits. I know I CAN do it, because I lost 55 lbs. through WW’s around 10 years ago, and kept it off for a year. It’s slipping into those ol’ bad habits that did me in. Well, that and 2 surgeries that kept me from exercise. No more excuses….I applaud you!

        • says

          my husband can lose weight pretty easily too; it’s annoying ;)
          it’s always been hard for me, that’s why i’ve never been able to keep any significant weight off. i get back into the habit of popcorn or chips in the afternoons, and it’s all downhill from there…in fact, i just got back from target and i was SO TEMPTED by the pirate’s booty. but i got sugar-free gum instead. woohoo…

  2. Lori says

    Thanks for your confession! I too just embarked on a weight loss program that I hope will work. I’m in my early 40s and I’m just tired of not being a healthy weight (I am clocking in at a solid size 14, which is way too heavy for my 5’2″ frame). I know my joints would love me if I weighed much less. For me to be in the middle of a healthy range, I should be about 120. Quite frankly I don’t think I look fabulous unless I’m below 110, but I don’t know if that’s possible at this point. I just started a very controversial diet, using HCG drops, and although I’ve already seen results after a few days I want to see if the weight loss “sticks” after a few weeks. I look forward to hearing your progress and results!

    • says

      good luck lori, and thanks for sharing!
      it’s funny, i was down to 160 a year or so ago, then i gained back 15 pounds and i could feel it first in my joints; i’d never really noticed before, but as soon as i gained that weight back, i felt pain and soreness that i never did before. ah…the joys of getting older :)

      i think we have to just take it one day at a time. try hard and aim for the stars, but if we don’t get there yet, it’s okay…you’ll get to where you feel better definitely!!

  3. says

    Good for you, Grechen! As for alienating readers, I think that what makes you accessible isn’t just your size, it’s the kind of clothes that you wear. There are so many blogs out there featuring women who wear beautiful clothes that many of us WISH we could wear, but never really do (whether because of the style or price). What’s great about your blog is that I can see myself wearing many of the things you feature — and I’m sure that plenty of your readers feel the same way. I can’t imagine that changing, even as your size changes.

    Good luck!
    Jessica @ Beautify My Life´s last blog post ..{OOTD} What’s black and white and red all over?

  4. says

    Firstly Grechen you look great, however as women that’s not enough for us we need to feel happy and confident with our apperance. Most women that are in the public eye are just bad examples of what naturals weights are and give kids wrong impressions. As mamavalveeta said tho key to losing weight is reaching that limit and saying enoughs enough and you have, i look forward to updates on your diet best of luck.

  5. Laurel says

    I think you look great, too, but it’s how you feel that’s important. Posting photos of you here will be a motivation for you to keep going, but if you ever feel a setback, don’t let that get you down. It’s hard over 40 to lose and keep weight off. As for clothes, you can wear a lot of yours at any size, since many of your items are jersey and can be belted or rolled up. Probably only your pants and jeans will need replacing. Even baggy t-shirts can look great with a belt or sash over leggings! You can give away your old items as contests here on the blog! And you’ll know they’re going to great homes.

    • says

      thanks laurel! you’re right about a lot of my clothes, even my jeans i might be able to have altered an inch or two…i just don’t want to look like a mess wearing everything too big. but i’ll fight that battle when the time comes!

  6. says

    I’ve tried to leave a comment 3 times now…what I want to say is I think you’re beautiful the way you are but what matters most is how happy you are…with yourself, inside and out. Making a declaration like this is very very hard, ( it’s how I tackled quitting smoking) and I think it’s great that you want to be healthy! Because if you’re going to define yourself, healthy and happy are way better than sick.

    And if anything, I think this makes you more relevant in the blogging community…
    Joyce´s last blog post ..Fresh Out Of The Closet – 2b. Rych Dress

  7. marla says

    Please make sure that you work with a good nutritionist! You need to make sure that you eat in a balanced, sensible and healthy way. For example, healthy fats and ‘smart’ snacks are critical. Don’t call it a diet-call it your healthy food plan. You are eating for you and a healthier life. The word ‘diet’ will hurt your efforts. You want to make a permanent change!
    You will lose the weight a bit more slowly but you will lose the weight. A big hint-do not use artificial sweetners or eat products with a lot of artificial ingredients-they accelerate your hunger (that includes diet soda). If you need a sweetner, use organic stevia. It is a tad bitter but it does the trick.
    I have been where you are. A good and healthy food plan with sensible exercise will do the trick.

  8. says

    Yay for you Grechen! I have struggled with my weight… always. I love food and I love clothes. Just a year ago I ran a marathon and was the most fit I’d ever been, but I still felt fat and did need to lose twenty pounds (though a lot of that was muscle). Since then, I’ve gained a little more weight, but am not running nearly as much and am going through a divorce. Weight loss is a journey…as is life… and food addiction is a terrible way to cope.

    I wish you the greatest luck! You can do it! I feel like I’m starting to believe that I can, too!
    Martha´s last blog post ..2013 Oscar Dress Mess

    • says

      congratulations on running a marathon!! i trained for a half-marathon and didn’t end up even doing it (self-sabotage – long story!!), but i loved running longer distances. i did not lose ANY WEIGHT while i was running so much though – for me, it’s all about the food. i cannot eat carbs and lose weight. period.

      i just think we have to find the right combination for us – it’s definitely not the same for everyone – and keep pushing forward. it’ll happen eventually, we are STRONG. hell, you ran a marathon, you can do anything!!

  9. Juli says

    Hi Grechen,
    I usually don’t comment, but diet/exercise is something I am passionate about. I went vegan a few years ago and have never felt better. Its not really a diet, but more of a lifestyle change. Which is good I think. Its too easy to go on this diet or that diet, then fail eventually and go back to eating whatever. I highly recommend reading the book Skinny Bitch. Its very informative on a lot of diet related things and also highly entertaining:) Even if you have no desire to go vegan, its still a great book.

    • says

      hi juli! thanks for your comment. i’m also very passionate about diet/exercise, and i’ve in fact been a vegan for quite some time. i tend to “naturally” be vegan because of my environmental views, but after this last time, i know that it’s not the ideal way for me to be healthy and lose weight. now, i’m basically a vegetarian, eat some fish & eggs, but no minimal dairy – being a “true” vegan doesn’t work for my body, but i know that it works for some. my husband feels so much better as a vegan, and he’s lost weight very easily…

  10. says

    Hey, although I’m a size 2-6, I’ve kept reading because of your aesthetic and your general niceness;) So I imagine that anyone in the 10-14 range will do the same if you get smaller.

    I wish you the best, and vow to do whatever I can to support you. Once you change the habits, you’ll be OK. Not that you go back to the old way of eating, more that you incorporate the new way into your personal normal.

  11. says

    i look forward to your post in my email everyday – i was actually going to tell you that you look like you HAVE been losing weight – i’m usually “thin” (100-105lbs) – but was put on meds and gained 45lbs in 2 months – i don’t have clothes that fit – it’s depressing – but you gotta do what you need to be healthy in and out – but i have ALWAYS struggled with weight – when i hit puburty FORGET IT – i justy blew up – and it’s been a struggle ever since – and then MEDS – *augh* … and what i ALSO love love love about you – your 100% HONEST – you tell us what size your clothes are (so we can see what size we would need) and your just totally down to earth – your just going to GAIN support – i’m do or die on getting my weight off – i can’t go another summer in “this” body – dr’s can’t even explain how i eat SO healthy and exercise and NOTHING happening – but keep it up G! – we love you and your honesty and your posts! – your the REAL deal! – which means A LOT!
    erika ~TiptoeButterfly~´s last blog post ..Hair

  12. says

    Hello dear, a few things:
    1. I always admire your openness in sharing your thoughts with us regarding personal issues like weight, body image, and how you define happiness.
    2. Your commitment to bar classes are amazing and are definitely an essential in maintaining a fit lifestyle. You love it regardless right and this is how fitness SHOULD complement your life.
    3. I love your reasons for doing this. It is for you and it is for your health and you shouldn’t apologize to anyone about that.
    4. My husband and I (to a lesser degree, me) follow a high protein, low carb diet and it is really a lifestyle, not a diet. It is hard at first to really limit the amount of carbs we eat, but it is completely possible. I simply do not cook carbs 4 out of 5 days a week although we still eat oatmeal in the morning for health reasons. My husband has diabetes and high cholesterol on his father’s side, but it was the feeling that he didn’t look the way he wanted to look in clothes as much as the health history that made him decide to go on the diet. It is more than a year later and my husband has lost and kept off 20 pounds. More importantly, he FEELS really happy with himself and swells with pride when anyone comments on his body. We are eating differently for the long term (and exercising of course) and I have no doubt that will keep him healthier. So that is my long endorsement of a low carb lifestyle. It WORKS!

    xoxo,
    Chic ‘n Cheap Living
    Chic ‘n Cheap Living´s last blog post ..Comment on Hotel Review: Strands Boracay by Kristin

  13. Maria says

    I’ve struggled all my life too. Now doing weight watchers. Have lost 5 lbs so far. Sick of being a 14 and yoga pants!!! Need to motivate myself to get up and move my booty!good luck luv Ur blog

  14. Barb says

    Hi Gretchen, I read The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. He opens the book with an anecdote about a woman who decided to quit smoking and lose weight and in doing so managed to change her life. It’s a very powerful story. She was one of the people studied for how habit works for and against us. I suspect it will be like throwing a pebble into a pond. What other changes will ripple out from your decision. I will follow your blog to see what happens. Thank you for being open about your life. What a great adventure. Barb

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