Lauren Manoogian knit skirt
Madewell oversized button front shirt | SOOOO old!!!!
Organic by John Patrick Potato sweater | secondhand options at The Real Real
Women by common Projects sneakers | secondhand at the Real Real
It’s been so nice here for a few days, so I shaved my legs, and started wearing skirts; I’m going to take advantage of this for as long as I can! Skirts/dresses are so much more comfortable for me now that I can’t stand to have anything tight around my midsection. I have a very low tolerance for cold and don’t tend to wear skirts or dresses in winter unless it gets above 60 degrees. I DO NOT like tights, or layering over leggings. And I don’t wear boots. *shrug*
Anyway, I watched some of the new Tidying Up Netflix series this weekend – along with everyone else apparently – and didn’t think it was that great. Mostly, I just kept thinking WHY SO MUCH STUFF?? SO MANY CLOTHES!!!! And I wanted Marie to just say to some of these people – do you really think you need that much stuff?? TOO MUCH!!!
Even the after photos gave me anxiety from all the stuff.
To be fair, her method is more subtle, and she is much more positive in her approach; she seems to think that most people if they touch everything and try to feel the joy it sparks, or does not, they will make the decision to get rid of what does not and consequently have less stuff.
That did seem to happen with some of the participants, but I honestly didn’t feel that any underlying issues were solved. I guess I would have liked to have seen more of the “hard work” that is necessary for real tidying up – the psychological reasons why they were stuck with so much stuff in the first place. But that’s just me maybe – I love that stuff LOL. I don’t like surface/easy fixes because they’re meaningless.
Marie is so cute – I love her voice, and I did find watching her fold things very helpful (I never understood it reading the book). And I will admit I did feel a little inspired to go through my closet again for a little mini-purge. And folding session LOL. I have way too much “home” stuff – t-shirts, tanks, etc., that I just wear at home, and they are all just stuffed into a drawer so I can never find anything. Except the things I tend to wear most often are at the top – which means everything else should go. Right??
How was your weekend?
YES!! In theory. But you’re so right – it’s more crucial to address the deeper underlying issues that keep us from letting go of things. I manage to summon some spark of joy in every single striped shirt or black long sleeved tunic that I have, even the ones that aren’t that great. All of my drawers are stuffed to the hilt. When I make myself go through them just so that I can get them closed, that feels like a triumph. What I’D like, is for them to be half empty. I really enjoyed reading Marie Kondo’s book, but it didn’t hugely help me to purge much. I’m waiting for that magic thing to happen which will transform me into a Swedish death cleaner, lol.
You look so cute today! i LOOOOVE that Lauren Manoogian skirt. The color’s gorgeous!! I hope you’re feeling well. xoxox
I loved Marie Kondo’s book, but felt the Netflix show lost something in the translation, so to speak. Probably because the book is “in her voice,” where the show seems like just another hoarder reality show. And for goodness sake, if that first couple called each other ‘babe’ one more time…
oh yes, totally agree. the show definitely felt like hoarders to me at times – especially with that second Japanese-American couple! Whoa. I did appreciate her final reflections on all her christmas decorations though. seems like she did some “work” behind the scenes to come to terms with that “problem”
Didn’t read the book, not gonna watch the show, not a minimalist and don’t wanna be. I used to be a good light packer and haven’t been so good lately, so I have to work on that again! Weekend – watched Golden Globes, lots of reading, boring end of year chores (like filing & cleaning home office…) Took down all the holiday decorations we’re taking down at this point (I have two fir topiaries that will stay up until “spring” and I feel like a change….) Glad you warmed up & can wear a skirt!
I haven’t finished the series (so maybe this is addressed at the end) but I’d love to see a follow-up at their homes six months down the line. I think that would be most telling, to see if anything stuck.
As for the folding method, I kind of modify it, but I can still see everything in my drawer. For a good visual of Marie’s method, I really like Goop’s roundup of gifs: https://goop.com/style/decorating-design/the-illustrated-guide-to-the-kondo-mari-method/
Hope your Monday is off to a great start!
Love your outfit! (I still have the white shirt, too) I watched Tidying Up and I agree, there isn’t much to it, but I needed a break from Scandinavian Noir, and Marie, with her jumps of joy and sweet nature is IT! I’m inspired – and I’m going to make my husband watch an episode with me!
Oh, hell yeah!
I really like your outfit and the rust color of the skirt is so pretty! I don’t like tights now either, though I used to wear them all the time in my 20s.
Okay, I was super skeptical of Kondo’s book, but I watched the show and really enjoyed it! She is so kind and respectful, and some of the stories actually made me cry. It’s easy to miss, but in the episode about the Japanese-American family, it was revealed that the grandparents had been in an internment camp during WW2. That explains everything about their situation, in my opinion, since the current owners of the house inherited it from the grandparents, along with all of their possessions. Having been imprisoned for years, they probably valued all of their things in a way that a lot of people don’t. I’ve read that this was common among Holocaust survivors,too.
I know so many people who have too much stuff, and I think it’s really a problem of our consumer society. Marie gives people a basic system to get started, and it’s simple to follow. I don’t get attached to my possessions and am more about function and quality (as well as an organized house), but for people who are especially sentimental, this approach seems to work really well.
I’m not trying to change your mind about the book (I swear!), but the Marie Kondo method isn’t about minimalism at all. It’s really more about having things you really like and getting rid of the clutter. If you like all your stuff? Keep it! She’ll give you some tips on the best way to store, fold and display it. The method is definitely not for everyone but I think it gets misunderstood. My best takeaway from it is that it gave me permission to get rid of items I was keeping out of obligation.
OMG, Lynn, the “babe” thing drove me nuts too.
I hated the book, but found the show oddly compelling. So, of course, I tidied up my closet and got rid of like 50% of my things, which was crazy. The weird thing is that I tried to do it a few years ago when I was still running a vintage store and feeling out of sorts and it was IMPOSSIBLE. I think back then I had more hoarding tendencies, and the whole concept of “finding joy” doesn’t actually end in eliminating anything if you can find joy in everything you own. We’ll see how long my new minimalism lasts.
I had a very different take on the Marie Kondo show and agree with another comment that there is something lost in translation as well as an understanding of the difference in Japanese culture vs. American culture. I actually felt it prompted many thoughts for me well beyond the surface of clutter.
For example, her “spark joy” concept seems too simplistic at face value for many of her detractors and even created an angry response (not you or your post but the “internets”). I don’t interpret it as make one happy but rather that one has a connection with the object or the object serves an important practical purpose (like my little frying pan that I use every single morning to make my breakfast). A book could be on a sad or difficult subject (vs. happy) but can expand our soul as we gain knowledge, increase our ability to be empathetic or help us through a difficult time. One significant characteristic that I have always noted about my late Japanese grandmother is that she seemed to understand that a fulfilled and appreciated life was not always about seeking happiness (the way many self help American books do). The ebbs and flows of life’s challenges are appreciated as much as the happy times. Also the perspective toward objects and life from a wabi-sabi point of view. I do feel the “spark joy” instructions could use a bit more discussion in Konmari media.
I liked that each episode actually presented us with various reasons why we accumulate but like you said, it was subtle, not in your face, like many American clean house shows. They showed us, rather than told us. She showed empathy rather than analyzing her clients and making assumptions about what they needed to do. She served more as a guide In the show, the episode with the widow hit me especially hard on this point. The widow was able to let the grief in, let it consume her and this was imperative to moving on. The client came to this path on her own, through the process. I don’t believe the purpose of the show is to dive deep into the psychology of why and it is respectful to not attempt to do that for a tv show for entertainment.
But my biggest takeaway was the kind and non-judgmental approach. I am a firm believer that in order for us to make true change, we need self love and to forgive ourselves. It helped me realize that a more effective approach to working with my family and boyfriend was not to make snide comments or get angry at the pace of their efforts but to always be kind and remember everyone needs to come to the realization on their own. The Japanese empty nesters made me feel very uncomfortable with their after result as it was still so many items. But instead of judging them I tried to address why I felt so uncomfortable and realized it was my own fears of hoarding that I have about myself as I age as well as my family. I also realized it was my own drive to be “perfect” and to reach a self imposed finish line with my own possessions. Then I realized I have been on my own journey for years now and recognized that I am much further along than I ever imagined I could be. While I have a stuffed closet, that closet is much smaller than what I used to have and I have very little items outside of the closet. That couple is at the beginning of their journey, it may be just the first step for them.
At the same time, I do wonder if Americans have become so entranced with Marie Kondo due to the cultural tendency to look for a quick fix or a formula to improve (in the same way people look for a guru for dieting, wealth, etc). But in reality, her method is not a quick fix once one embarks on it. It would be interesting for me to see cases that they started years ago and also to see some examples from Japan (there are a few youtube but not enough to satiate). Also to hear how one’s approach toward their objects have evolved over time.
That was very long but I have so many thoughts about Konmari and the intersection between the cultures as well as how it is a reflection of Americans hitting a tipping point in many ways with consumerism. As well as my own journey.
Yes, this.
Many Japanese lost everything during internment, including their homes and businesses. In some ways, the passing down of the culture and language between family members were also lost. In Hawaii, we had some internment but not as much as in the mainland states but the citizens lived in fear of it. My dad, who was a child during WWII, always was told to speak English only because of that fear. Now, in his late 70s, he is learning to speak by using internet and his ipad app tools. This may also be why some of the cultural items (like the Kokeshi dolls) were packed away.
I binged watched the show this weekend and felt my chest sieze up looking at the over abundance of stuff. It wasn’t judge mental, but rather sadnessness—I kept thinking about the pain, emptiness, lack of self worth, etc. the people must feel to be filling the void with things (like the guy with 160 pairs of shoes). I think their has been an unfortunate paradigm shift in our country in thinking that life is suppose to be one of happiness with all of our wants fulfilled….this is so not the human experience and to live that way leaves people ill equipped to deal with the inevitable losses and challenges that life will throw our way. I like the ebb and and flow of life because I appreciate my blessings and take the challenges and loses as opportunities that allow to grow and learn something about myself that I didn’t in the past.
agreed.
i fear my comments about the show came off as judgemental and i certainly didn’t mean them to be – i am judgemental about the show, i think it was a shallow look at a very deep problem, but i was also very sad looking at the families/people involved. and it seemed as if all the issues that led to their clutter were glossed over, mostly not even addressed at all. that is what i didn’t appreciate about the show.
and of course no show can address those issues completely, but i feel almost worse that this one didn’t even seem to try?
you’re right about that – and of course now that you mention it, i’m certain that was a huge factor why the Japanese-American family held on to so much stuff. but that could have been addressed somehow don’t you think? it was never mentioned, or even considered at all.
that’s what bothered me about the shows i’ve seen so far – the complete glossing over of issues in favor of a cute person with a happy attitude helping people tidy. it felt very very superficial to me – and gimmicky. too happy, sort of? ugh, i feel like i’m being such a debbie downer, but i just felt like there was so much missing…
like any show can address all those things, it’s too much to ask or expect i know, but i think it’s what i was hoping for a little.
yes, agree with this, it’s not about minimalism in any way, it’s about cherishing the things you allow into your home, and making sure everything has a place.
finding joy is tricky…that’s something else i wish she’d talked more about in the show. because, yes, you can find joy in everything if you try hard enough! when i first “tidied” after reading her book, it was actually more about passing things on to others who might need or appreciate them more, even if I still found a little joy in them, i knew i didn’t “need” them, and was holding on to certain things for the wrong reasons. once i realized i could thank those things for bringing me joy and serving a purpose in my life for so long, i found it much easier to pare down.
tania, thank you so much for writing this!! i absolutely see your points and appreciate all of them. you’re so right about her approach being different to typical shows like “hoarders” or whatever; she has a more subtle, quiet and understanding approach, something we never see on typical American reality tv. I think in the end of the day though her positive, hands-off approach is absolutely more valuable and has more sticking power (I too would love to see more follow-ups over years later…)
i don’t know why i care so much about a tv show! i think as i mentioned in another comment, that i get really frustrated with shows/books/articles that deal with problems/issues on the surface without going very deep. but no tv show can do that really – we’re only seeing a part of what happened, and ultimately it’s about entertainment, not therapy! i am just always analyzing and wondering how people make the decisions they do. i like to get a more in-depth look at that.
I’ve read both of her books and found them very helpful especially when it comes to dealing with unwanted gifts (a big one after you have a baby, people will actually give you a huge indoor ball pit when you live in an apartment). One thing I really liked about the show was that it emphasized the idea that each person was responsible for their own belongings, no shunting it off to the woman like Mr. Uptight about the Laundry clearly wanted “BABEEE!” I also liked that she didn’t shame people into giving up stuff but let them do the work themselves in deciding why they wanted to keep or let go of something. I think only by doing this work themselves will people be able to maintain a tidy home, because you can examine why you brought things into your home in the first place and hopefully keep that in mind for future purchases.
When it comes down to it, it’s TV….just TV. I guess I don’t expect that much? Does she address reasons behind clutter in her book? (I’m apparently the only person who hasn’t read it!)
I think they showed the part where the Japanese-American man is looking at his dad’s journal of the interment to give some perspective, plus the fact that the adult son of the couple (he and his siblings were the 3rd generation to live in the house) is interviewed about his mom needing Marie’s help. The mother also said that she used “retail therapy” when she argued with her husband, and she was very attached to her clothes. Marie’s not a therapist and there’s a language barrier, but I really think she offers practical tips that anyone can use. She was extremely helpful to the woman who had lost her husband recently.
Also, my husband and I both grew up in houses that looked a lot like the home of the Japanese-American family. Our moms were both baby boomers who grew up without a lot of money, and both of them border on hoarding when it comes to objects. There was definitely the mentality that you didn’t get rid of something that you might need later. My entire childhood, I was embarrassed to have friends over, and when my now-husband came over for the first time, he said he felt immediate relief that my home looked the same way that his did. I never want my kids to feel that embarrassment, and I’ve become almost fanatical about cleanliness and organization. I have one son who loves a messy room, though, and I try to be respectful of his piles while vacuuming and dusting around them.
I love this, Tania! Thank you for your well-thought out perspective.
I started reading it. Didn’t enjoy, didn’t finish 😉 Pretty sure I’m happy the way I am and probably don’t understand different perspectives on this where someone would need “permission” to get rid of stuff they don’t want….
Fairly alone among my friend set in this, though, as lots of people in my FB feed have been talking about watching it….
Agree that the show glossed over the deeper issues. Frankly, I would have found it difficult to keep my mouth shut after the decluttering—I freaked at how many clothes some of the people kept (how do you even know what you have with that much stuff?! But, this is just me and my anxiety about clutter and decision fatigue!).
This is American television so I guess those of us that would have liked a more engaged approach to the real problems have to just suffer through a light entertainment version of what could have been. I’ve just learned not to set my expectations too high when it comes to tv. I did like Marie and her light and positive energy!
So far I’m enjoying the show. Marie is a tidying/purging expert, not a therapist so I think it’s fine that she doesn’t dig deep into the why. I don’t recall that she addresses it in her book, although it’s been awhile since I’ve read it. She is definitely very charming!
You don’t have anything you hold onto out of obligation? Something that a loved one gave you that you don’t particularly like but you keep it because you feel guilty about giving it away? No? You are definitely in the minority.
I agree, Jenny. I watched the last episode last night and what struck me was that while Marie’s method doesn’t delve into the deep, it IS an effective way for people to declutter and find more joy/less tension in their lives. There was no doubt that each of the couples felt that life was better and less stressful after completing their tasks.
I like it!