Storq maternity pencil skirt (gift from Storq) | size 3
Storq tank (gift from Storq) | size 3
Ilana Kohn shirt (purchased secondhand via slowre)
Birkenstock Arizona Sandals (purchased secondhand via slowre)
It’s another Monday, which means another doctor’s appointment. Honestly, right now, I’m just tired. Tired of talking about being pregnant, tired of being pregnant, tired of wearing clothes I don’t want to wear, tired of the acid reflux, tired of sciatica…etc. etc.
At the same time, I am grateful to be pregnant, and so thankful that all my aches & pains and other “symptoms” have been manageable; they have merely been uncomfortable, not debilitating, as they can be for many women.
I just don’t know what to talk about anymore, or who I am right now: pregnancy is all-consuming. I am in the process of becoming a mother, imminently, but I don’t really feel like it? As if I know what that will even FEEL like. I just know that I don’t really feel like myself, or look like myself. I haven’t been to Pure Barre in weeks, and am not even exercising much because of the sciatica. And it’s fucking hot here; I get overcome easily when I go outside.
Who am I? That is a question I am always asking myself though, this is not new. It is perhaps more meaningful now? But also not. It will be decided for me, to a certain extent. And that is part of the problem. That is what I struggle with. I have known women who are completely defined by their status as mother, and want nothing other than that, which is fine for them, if that is what they choose. It is never what I wanted. Or so I thought.
But I wonder, how does a mother find balance? It hardly seems possible. At least not in the beginning.
Yes, I must give myself time to see where I land. And in the meantime, enjoy the journey.