Storq maternity pencil skirt (gift from Storq) | size 3
Storq tank (gift from Storq) | size 3
Ilana Kohn shirt (purchased secondhand via slowre)
Birkenstock Arizona Sandals (purchased secondhand via slowre)
It’s another Monday, which means another doctor’s appointment. Honestly, right now, I’m just tired. Tired of talking about being pregnant, tired of being pregnant, tired of wearing clothes I don’t want to wear, tired of the acid reflux, tired of sciatica…etc. etc.
At the same time, I am grateful to be pregnant, and so thankful that all my aches & pains and other “symptoms” have been manageable; they have merely been uncomfortable, not debilitating, as they can be for many women.
I just don’t know what to talk about anymore, or who I am right now: pregnancy is all-consuming. I am in the process of becoming a mother, imminently, but I don’t really feel like it? As if I know what that will even FEEL like. I just know that I don’t really feel like myself, or look like myself. I haven’t been to Pure Barre in weeks, and am not even exercising much because of the sciatica. And it’s fucking hot here; I get overcome easily when I go outside.
Who am I? That is a question I am always asking myself though, this is not new. It is perhaps more meaningful now? But also not. It will be decided for me, to a certain extent. And that is part of the problem. That is what I struggle with. I have known women who are completely defined by their status as mother, and want nothing other than that, which is fine for them, if that is what they choose. It is never what I wanted. Or so I thought.
But I wonder, how does a mother find balance? It hardly seems possible. At least not in the beginning.
Yes, I must give myself time to see where I land. And in the meantime, enjoy the journey.
I can so relate. You will lose your identity as you know it once your child is in your hands and going forward. Your sense of self will go through crazy stages, you will constantly be looking for your new “fit”, and it will be an uphill battle. BUT: it wil shape you into something totally new and different and nothing you ever knew yourself to be before. Best advice: take a day at a time and go easy on yourself. Balance will come with time. Find a group of preferrably older moms (I had my kids late, so most of my mom friends were 10 years younger) and try to socialize as much as possible. It will help a ton! Hang in there!
The best concept I know for this is that of the mother-baby “dyad.” In other words, you can’t know who you are now or who you are as a mother because it’s something you’re going to figure out with the actual baby you have. He’s going to have opinions. It’s a partnership. Ongoing process, etc.
I know your husband is also part of this:). But one thing at a time. xoxox.
Can’t wait to meet your little person.
Congrats! You’re in the home stretch! I have 3 kiddos, 11, 9 and 1 year. I had my youngest at 41 so I can relate to being preggo over 40. Try to have fun, enjoy the little moments, be kind to yourself (so important!) and be sure to ask for plenty of help! Just because you’re mom doesn’t mean you know it all or own all the work. Also remind yourself that the days are long but the years are short. It’ll get easier as bebe gets older. The tough phases don’t last forever and before you know it you’ll have the most lovely human being you’ve ever laid eyes on . You will genuinely enjoy spending time with them and seeing the world through their eyes. It’s really a beautiful experience??
I enjoy your blog so much. Thanks for sharing, your entries remind me we’re all plagued by the same worries, hopes and dreams. Good luck ! Wishing you a speedy and safe delivery!