James Perse henley dress | size 2 (purchased during the Nordstrom anniversary sale)
I posted this dress yesterday on instagram, mostly as a response to the voices in my head that were telling me I shouldn’t wear it because of how it really accentuates my underarm fat. I decided not to listen to those voices, BUT the more reasonable voices in my head were quite concerned about how low cut the neckline is AND the color, so I wasn’t sure I would keep it. It is a nice color, but slightly more purple than I’d like, and I have so much trouble with color…in that I don’t actually WEAR it, even if I do have it in my wardrobe.
The dress is stunning, and fits like a glove in the size 2. Of course that’s nothing new for James Perse; his dresses just suit me, which is why I have so many of them. This one though – I’m not keeping. I could have dealt with one strike against it, either the low neckline or the color, but both? Not good enough. I’d rather use that money for the open back skinny dress I’ve been wanting for two years now, or even this v-neck 3/4 sleeve dress, which would be excellent for fall, or nothing at all.
So, after I took the photos above, looked down, and realized my boobs were about to literally fall out of the dress, and that that would severely limit my ability to wear it as often as I’d want to, I decided not to keep it and went and put this black dress on, the one I’ve been wearing quite a bit lately:
James Perse high gauge shirred dress | sold out, I bought mine early this year during their winter sale
As soon as I put this dress on, and these shoes, and this bag, I felt like I could relax. I don’t know how else to explain it; I just felt DONE, you know? Like I didn’t have to think about what I’d wear, or how I looked, or if I felt comfortable, I just did. All day I felt happy, comfortable, and so much like me, I was almost giddy.
Yes, I realize that sounds a little weird, and maybe you think, whoa, all these feelings about clothes? Well…yes. That’s just how I am. And the truth is, I’ve been floundering all summer* – feeling full of anxiety and just generally uncomfortable, and yesterday was one of the first days I felt normal.
The last week or so, all my anxiety had filtered down and manifested in non-stop shopping. That’s how I deal with my anxiety; I shop. I search for THE PERFECT thing, whatever it is I happen to need at the moment. And this time, it was a bag, and new sneakers. I literally spent hours searching and obsessing over finding the perfect bag, with all of my requirements, going back and forth between the ones on the short list, trying to make myself just order already.
I never did, although I wanted to. And sneakers. I didn’t find a new pair of those either. I certainly tried. I just wanted new. Different. Better. Perfect.
And then, this outfit. Wearing it made me realize that I already have “perfection,” such as it is. I have amazing, beautiful, stunning pieces already in my closet; things that make me feel like myself, and allow me to move on from anxiety and insecurities to just be me.
So, I am good. And happy to NOT keep the henley dress. I’m also happy to sell it to anyone who wants it for what I paid for it: $150. Here it is on SLOWRE >
*I honestly am beginning to think most of my anxiety issues are hormonal – they come and go on waves, and when they go, they’re gone, but when they’re here, they are FULL FORCE. Gotta look into that. Combined with my step-son being here with us all summer, I was a mess 🙁