Technically, this is almost-42 (my birthday isn’t until 11/2), but can I just say how much I love what 42 feels – and looks – like?? I can honestly say that I have never felt better in my life than I do right this second. Which I think, makes me look better, if I may say so. My body is healthier and stronger than I ever thought it could be; I’m amazed honestly. Just a few years ago, I would never have thought I could feel this way. So comfortable. I always wanted to feel GOOD in my skin, but I never thought I would. I never HAVE. EVER.
My whole life up until the last year or so I’ve been stuck in a body that didn’t feel like me, was uncomfortable, and always letting me down. Of course, it was me, who was letting my body down…
I can’t look back on my high school or college years fondly, wishing I still looked like that. I look better now, subtle wrinkles, under-eye circles, growing double, nay, triple chin, and all. I feel better now. I AM better now.
I love aging. The last few years have been better for me in terms of personal growth and health than any previous year. Something “clicked” when I turned 40 I think. I stopped giving a shit, for one thing. Oh, I still do sometimes, and I obviously still have struggles (which I’m very vocal about here), but overall, I’m focused much more on me, what’s important to me, how I truly feel, and what I can do to change things instead of turning my attention outward, as I was doing for years.
I am powerful beyond measure. I’ve been able to transform my body, quit caffeine, and become more positive overall. All things I thought I’d NEVER be able to do just a couple years ago. I was sure I was a lost cause. All until something changed. I think it was Pure Barre. I found my workout, and I fell in love with my body again. After that, everything fell into place, and change was easy. Relatively. I will never underestimate the power of just “doing” it again.*
But enough on that. Did you see my hair? Next time I think of growing it out, stop me, please. I have hated my hair for months, but couldn’t afford to get it cut where I wanted to, and also sort of convinced myself I should try and grow it out. But my hair had reached that point where it was just below my shoulders and did that annoying flip-up thing. Nothing I did would stop it, and I HATED it. So I wore it up in a ponytail most of the time.
After selling my Rag & Bone boots and a few other things, I could afford to get my hair cut and colored, so I made appointments and went in yesterday, still struggling with deciding whether or not to cut it short, or just trim it. But my stylist is AMAZING, and listened to me, all the while playing with my hair until she pulled it over to one side, while holding it up off my neck and I was like “WOW, okay…” And here we have it.
I’ve always liked my hair shorter, and I think it suits me. But I was scared to be perceived as one of “those” older women who cut their hair once they turn 40 and basically just give up on life. Not that I think that’s an accurate portrayal AT ALL, but in the back of my mind, I wanted to have long, beautiful hair – because I really love the way it looks on other women, and it’s been a while since I had long hair. AND I thought I should try it.
But if I’ve learned anything from my struggle with ankle boots, chambray shirts, and denim jackets, it’s that I need to stick with what works for ME, and not try to emulate other women; I can appreciate and honor them for who they are, not because I want to look like them.
So, I can safely say that I truly love my hair now. I need to get my color done, and I’ll be going darker for fall, but I want to stick with this hairstyle for a while. At least until my next birthday…If I can quit coffee, I can stick with a haircut!!
And again, thank you all for being here, reading, and engaging with me. This has been the most amazing journey of my life, and I’m honored to have shared it with you.
Happy Friday 🙂
*I hope this doesn’t sound like bragging, I don’t mean it to; I’m really just truly astonished at what I’ve been able to accomplish. I mean, really surprised, so much that I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s scary, really, how powerful we are when we decide to do something with all our being. I say this because I know that if I can do it, you can too. It takes time, and a lot of effort, but man…when you see what you can become, it’s all worth it.