Rachel Comey slim legion jeans
James Perse v-neck tee
Elizabeth Suzann rebekah kimono (sold out)
Robert Clergerie sneakers
I’m not sure I’ve done a great job dressing myself ever, but particularly in the last several years, after my original weight loss, I honestly feel like I’m flailing around sometimes. Now, after more weight loss and body changes, I’m lost.
Also, weather fluctuations (I’m so mad at the cold weather) and hormonal ups and downs are taking their toll.
Eh, fine. So what can I do about it going forward? how can I get myself back on track, and feeling like myself?
First, I think, I have to try and minimize the amount of frustration I feel getting dressed. I’m going to continue to cull my wardrobe, rather brutally, and pass on the things that don’t fit me anymore. Maybe not ALL the things, but most of them, and honestly, some were WTF was I thinking anyway…
At the same time, I have to add in more things I feel good about, and I’m not sure what that is right now. I’d love a rigid, straight, cropped pair of jeans that FIT me, but since summer is on the way, I can probably wait on those.
Truthfully, I can probably wait on everything and take the summer to feel out this weird new body that I have. In all my life, and whatever I thought for myself, I never imagined I’d be this small. Not that I’m that small. I mean, I’m short, but I weigh 140 pounds and have quite a bit of extra jiggly bits hanging around LOL. After decades of weight loss and gain, I sort of always assumed that I’d gain whatever I lost back again. It hasn’t happened yet.
I also know that I see my body in a very warped way. We all do, I think, but I still see myself as much bigger than I am. I think of myself as a large, or medium at best, and really I’m more of a small in a lot of things; I wasn’t even a size small when I was in middle school. I’ve definitely bought, and decided to keep, a lot of things that were too big or just not right for me at the outset, because of this warped view.
I’m having a moment right now, clearly. I don’t want to wear flowy, drapey, oversized things, I want hard, refined and BLACK. I want rigid and crisp and clean. Give me all the Yohji Yamamoto please.
And that is one reason I’m not inclined towards Elizabeth Suzann much right now. My clyde culottes fit my “requirements” nicely, but nothing else really does. And I’m regretting, but also looking forward to, my order of the Ochre marlena dress from the Alabama Chanin collaboration. I wish it was black, but I’m interested in seeing how it fits on me.
Also, reality is that summer is coming, and it’s going to be fucking hot. So, I need linen, if I need anything at all. But I am disinclined to wait 6 weeks on an order, so will seek out my linen elsewhere (but again, I’m probably going to just make do with what I have for the summer).
Then, when I say I don’t want to wait, I feel like a brat. Because aren’t good things worth waiting for? Of course, but I think that would be more true if I KNEW the item would fit and I wouldn’t have to send it back and possibly wait another six weeks for the right size. That is the frustrating part.
Ugh. Well, anyway, those are my thoughts. Tomorrow I’ll share where my wardrobe numbers are and what I’m wearing to a Friday night wedding in New Orleans 🙂
How have you dealt with dressing a changed body?
I know what you mean! Although I want all flowy right now, but still lots of black and muted shades. I don’t think I’ve ever really known how to “dress” myself either!
My body really changed after I had my first child – I mean no surprise, but it was just DIFFERENT. I’ve always been on the smaller side, and when my weight fluctuated, my proportions stayed about the same, so my body wasn’t that different, I just went up or down a size. But after baby #1 it got really different – the shapes and proportions changed. Also I put on a lot more weight after breastfeeding (which takes more calories than being pregnant!) and didn’t adjust my eating accordingly after I stopped. Now I’m pregnant with baby #2, and I’ve lost a lot of weight and I’m not gaining much back – mostly because I have to wrangle the toddler, I have a different job in which I’m more active, and I’m not just lazing around and snacking all the time like I was during my first pregnancy. So it’s not just enough to buy a smaller or larger size – I have to pay more attention to cut, proportion, and fabric.
I really really want to buy new clothes right now but I’m resisting because pregnancy, which is pretty good at stopping the clothes buying! I have bought some maternity pants, and some super stretchy casual tops to accommodate my belly – but I made sure I picked tops that I could wear postpartum as well, because I really hate maternity specific tops. After baby #1 I went on a shopping spree and experimented with a lot of different things, and I don’t think I will do that this time…maybe not to the same extent. I think I’ve really come to terms with what I *want* to wear vs what I *wish* I could wear or the idealistic vision in my head.
My problem now is though, I really really need to purge (mostly tops), and I keep holding on to shirts that I wore once, they made me feel good at the time, but I can’t bring myself to wear again, but I still don’t want to get rid of it. How do you deal with that? Just finally stuff it in a box and let it go?
i think so much of it is proportion and cut, as opposed to just size. i am so clueless as to what actually “works” for me (but what does that even mean), despite 40 years of living in this body.
example: i wear about the same size as you, and we are roughly the same height and weight, but i am an hourglass. i am wearing virtually the same exact outfit as you right now, and i think it’s cute (it certainly looks great on you), but my husband would say my wide leg jeans look crazy and that my kimono sweater swallows me up like a robe (true – but that’s the greatness of it). i struggle with the desire to look and feel cozy, to drape myself in luxe materials, and to not walk outside looking like i didn’t bother to get dressed or like i’m hiding a pregnancy.
even more, i still struggle A LOT to understand what colors work for/against my skin tone – and this is something i care more about than figure flattery. i think perhaps only jewel tones look good against my fair complexion, and i will NEVER wear jewel tones…
Regarding my changed body: early twenties I inhabited a body that was never good enough, never thin enough. I weighed 125 at 5’3 (which is the lowest weight, and fittest I’ve ever been). I lived in Austin, Tx and biked everywhere … sweated my ass off and was thin. But my little tummy never went away and my thighs have always stayed somewhat thunderous and ankles that were just continuations of calves.
Flash to now, entering 30 and I weigh closer to 140 but can honestly say I *like* my body. I like the curves found everywhere (lol) and feel better than before. It took a long time, though. I started college in my mid-twenties and gained 15-20 pounds in the first 6 months. All that sitting and comfort eating really stuck to me — I hated it and nothing ever looked good on me, so I thought. Im now roughly the same weight, take 3-7 pounds depending on the month, and I am OK with that. I am active everyday in some capacity, eat a great diet and have found the clothing that looks good on my shape.
So, in regards to dressing: gaining weight taught me how to read my body shape in relation to clothing fit. Gaining weight taught me that my shape will always be my shape, even if I gain 20 pounds or lose it. It was a huge trial and error, but once I started focusing on clothing shape and choosing the *right* size (not my idealized size 2, but my actual size 6) clothing started to look flattering. It still can be weird to get dressed … especially with god-awful menstrual bloating … but I think, for me at least, the shape of clothing that looks good on me is eternal, so to speak.
Color flattery vs figure flattery – I’m in the same camp as you, I don’t really care if my figure is “flattered” (because that would usually mean wearing very form fitting, non-stretchy, feminine things for me and that ain’t my style) but I’m way more obsessed with color, and there are colors which I just won’t wear. Mostly warm tones – though I do like olive and burgandy, anything more red, or in the orange/yellow/pink family is OUT.
Grechen, I think you’ve written about uniforms in the past, but would you consider trying one now? I’ve basically adopted one since I became interested in ethical clothing, and it’s so easy to get dressed in the mornings, there’s literally no thinking required. My uniform is a pair of jeans and a basic tee or interesting blouse during the cooler months, and a cotton dress or tee/skirt combo when it’s boiling in the Texas summer. I wear a lot of navy and black, so it looks like I’m wearing the same thing everyday, and I’ll add a cardigan, coat, or socks depending on the weather. If I’m going to volunteer at school or have an appointment, I might wear black dress pants, but then I change to jeans as soon as I get home. They just suit my lifestyle best.
I have never been very attached to my clothing (I often wonder why?) and if something doesn’t fit, I just get rid of it. When I was younger, I definitely wore trendy things in pastels and florals, but now I’m just more practical. I feel like minimizing my wardrobe in this way has made my life easier in one area, and I can still buy quality pieces periodically. Right now, I’m really into Uzi NYC tops for summer.
It’s funny that you write “I Do Not Know How to Dress Myself” when I think that the outfits you’ve been posting lately (over the last few months) have never been better! We all have different perceptions, and as much as we would like to reach a “stable state”, I’ve come to realize there’s no such thing in life…
Try Flax linen pants. I wear the floods (wide leg, elastic waist) and the ankle pant (narrower leg, partial elastic waist. Great pricing. Fits large.
I would be all about Yohji too…if my pocketbook allowed! I understand the frustration. My weight is a little up, but it is my body shape that morphed with menopause and what once looked good, looks ill fitting now. Couple that with the fact that I love black, but my skin tone has changed too and now I look sort of washed out and walking dead-like.
Anyway, back to you (!) given that you are in a state of flux, perhaps it would be best to table buying new clothes until you come to a resting/loving place with the newest version of you; let go of the past, all of it, and flow in the now and see where that leads you (meaning, stop thinking about clothes—they don’t provide an answer or any real emotion relief). Let the authentic emerge organically.
Preach it girl. I’ve been looking into all black YY too. Feeling that angst-y hardcore mood in clothes. I think it’s cuz I’m listening to this intense new song by LUH lately. Music has a way of influencing my clothes.
yes, if only my budget allowed all YY…ha! and i’m uncertain how it will look on me. i tend to like clean/hard lines more in theory than on me. at least in the past…
yes, i will probably take a break for the summer on adding new clothes, but stop thinking about them?? what would i do with myself ?? LOL
thanks for the recommendation!
i have also been enjoying my outfits lately, with some moments in between…when i wear things still in my closet that just don’t fit me like i want them to, like these RC jeans. they are so comfortable to wear/sit in now, but this style is meant to be more fitted I think, and just looks so messy on me now. at least that’s how i see them.
obviously i’m too attached to my clothing. although not as much as I used to be…it is definitely easier to get rid of things that don’t work for me anymore, but i still have a hard time purging things i love, but that just don’t “work” – because 1. i love them, and 2. i feel guilty that i bought those things in the first place…
i guess once it permanently warms up i’ll transition more to dresses and simpler outfits/uniform. it’s just this weird cold/warm weather that has me all flustered!!
to answer your last question: yes. if i’m having a really hard time, i’ll put it in a box and if i don’t think about it or want to wear it before the next time i open the box, then that item is gone. other things i think about getting rid of i make myself wear and really notice how i feel in it. if i’m fussing with it too much, or don’t feel good, or like myself while i’m wearing it. or just want to take it off immediately, then i know it’s time to get rid of it. i do get caught up sometimes in how much i paid for something, or how much i might really love something (even though it’s not my style), that it’s hard for me to get rid of it, but mostly, i’m better about knowing when it’s time.
that’s my biggest struggle: what i want to wear, and what i wish i could wear, or how i look IN MY HEAD when i wear the things i already own! there’s a big disconnect sometimes and i don’t know how to reconcile that .
yes, good point on the shape of things. and that’s what i have yet to figure out. i mean, i sort of know what shapes don’t work on me, but have become a pro at ignoring that sometimes LOL – i really WANT to like things on me so much sometimes that i’m blinded by the fact that they just don’t work for me at all. those are the WTF was i thinking items LOL – i have a lot of those, all the time. and that makes me feel really bad, like i should KNOW myself better and i just don’t.
eh, i know that’s not true, i do know what works and what doesn’t, but i also don’t think there’s too much harm in trying new things every once in a while…
and yes, agree on your shape being the same – i have lost weight, but i still cannot wear most straight or slim jeans because my calves are still disproportionately wide!
What I think is cool about your blog and commitment to everything clothing related is your willingness to experiment! I often stick to what works because I am simply not able to play with clothing and fashion with as much freedom due to budget, time, focus, etc. It seems to me that your blog, and slowre, and any other outlets you have have given you a platform for a certain amount of style metamorphosis. I think thats super cool and something I sometimes wish for, but alas my energies are tied up elsewhere (which is something I am happy about — you can’t do it all lol).
Anyways, it makes sense that someone in your position would experiment widely with shape and take pleasure in it, despite the occasional set backs. FWIW, your readers get to benefit from your experiments — as well as live experience them in a somewhat vicarious manner. So, thanks!
I can completely relate Grechen. I have had several weight fluctuations in my lifetime and for me it is a dangerous time, financially speaking. I can easily go down the rabbit hole of getting used to spending more and more. So, my unsolicited advice/thoughts 🙂 This advice is for me too as I’m trying to lose weight and don’t want to fall into the buy a new wardrobe trap (I’ve already done that for the past 12 months with my job/lifestyle/location change).
You can still do some oversized pieces if something catches your eye but I would size down, not up, and as someone else has said, look at the proportion. For example, I’m a medium in tailored pieces (sometimes even a large) but I have taken an XS or S in most oversized pieces. The key fit for me is the shoulders and sometimes the placement of the waist. The outfit you are wearing now is a good example, one part fitted with more volume down below (which I think is a very flattering proportion on you). At least part of it needs to “fit”. Contrast is what makes personal style stand out – in proportion, textures, etc. Also in styles (a drapey oversized dress looks better with a structured bag vs. a slouchy hobo for example IMO). Btw, I’ve always perceived Yohji Yamamato pieces as oversized. He (& other Japanese designers or looks) are what inspires me and my oversized pieces. However his oversized pieces are more urban and architectural vs. Elizabeth Suzann (Which more closely approximates Japanese “natural fashion” like the luxury Japanese line 45r. Another interesting point is that all of these indie brands did not come up with this look on their own! Only Child/ES, Black Crane, Atelier Delphine pieces all look like clothing that the Japanese wear!). But my point is…if you are inspired by Yohji, some of your current pieces may work with a little nip & tuck alteration paired with a sleeker piece. I often take my oversized dresses to the seamstress to get the proportion I’m after.
The other thing is limits, which it seems you are doing. What do you need and how many. I tend to buy more and more of something that fits the new “me” but like you said if I waited a bit I could easily figure out the the proportion I truly need. Also with more fitted pieces, a 5 or 10 lb fluctuation can throw off the fit and sizing completely. So, I’ve sometime bought too many items before my weight hit its set point and ended up barely using pieces before it came time to let them go due to fit.
I wanted to say you look wonderful G. You always did but I am enjoying seeing your change in outfits since losing weight. I love the newer hair color too. I didn’t mention anything sooner as commenting on one’s weight can always be tricky if we don’t know the reasons why there is a change. I also feel, especially as women, that we can be healthy and happy at different weight levels and I hate to emphasize that one weight is superior to another. But yes, how to dress does change in different stages.
All Yohji, all the time. That’s what I would like too, but the reality is very different. I had an all Yohji outfit on earlier this week and was so looking forward to taking a photo of it – especially since one piece was a skirt and I rarely ever wear skirts, but then got toothpaste ALL over my outfit. It was comically bad because I dropped my electric toothbrush and the head fell off while spraying toothpaste all over the bathroom and me. So I had to change and put the clothes in water so the toothpaste wouldn’t bleach out anything and I ended up wearing a completely different outfit.
You are right though, hot weather and black don’t mix so linens are the best bet. I’ve been buying some linen clothes lately to preemptively prepare myself for the hot weather I know we’ll have soon. We are jumping straight from winter to summer with no spring at all. Enjoy the mild days to wear crisp, black outfits while you can – or simply make sure that anywhere you go you won’t be outside for too long and make sure there’s AC running. 😉
Thank you for this Flax rec! I have those pants (and the jumpsuit – and I don’t love jumpsuits!) pinned and actually put the pants in a shopping cart. I need to go back and read more about measurements to make sure I get the right size, though it doesn’t look like returns would be too difficult. No stores near me to try out, alas…..
Sadly they don’t have “the dress” I’m looking for – some cute stuff, but I’d like a full length tank style. Might try the bias with its hi-lo look but it’s not my favorite for work….
I order the Flax from http://www.flaxdesigns.com I am a US 18-and wear the large. The floods fit larger than ankle pant. Website pics are kinda frumpy but the pants are a staple for me.