James Perse Classic skinny dress in french navy | size 2
Robert Clergerie Alice Slides (on sale) | black embossed version, raffia version, secondhand metallic version
Marsell 4 Dritta bag (I bought mine on deep discount via Totokaelo – sold out)
This is what I wore last night to a happy hour event following my husband’s developer summit. My sister works with my husband so she’s been in town and was there as well; it’s a start-up/small company, so we spouses always attend these events.
But the title of the post refers to what I wore on Friday. I met a friend for breakfast/brunch and then we went to the mall to run some errands and get shit done. While we were there, walking through a store, we ran across someone who knows my friend and said to her “oh! is this mom?” – referring to me.
I am older than my friend by almost 10 years, but I do NOT think I look old enough to be her mother. We do look somewhat alike, maybe, so that was probably what he was referring to, not necessarily my age. But I was a little taken aback by the proclamation.
Then, of course, as I do, I analyzed and wondered why he might have thought that. Was it my outfit? My hair? Does my style skew older? I have been called out on message boards for “dressing like I’m 65” – whatever that means. I started to wonder if I could dress more “youthful.” Does that mean more color?
That got me nowhere, and I quickly shut that line of thinking down. How am I supposed to dress? I’ll be 45 this year, how does a 45-year old dress?? Like this. Like I dressed on Friday. Like I dress every day.
I have never considered what “dressing your age” means, and gloss over those types of articles whenever I see them. Everyone should dress in a way that makes them feel happy & comfortable. What does age have to do with it??
So I’ve come to the conclusion that the answer to “how to dress your age” is the same as the answer to “how to get a bikini body”: put your body in a bikini. Put your body in clothing that makes you feel good, empowered, and whatever else you want to feel. People are going to think what they think, no matter what you wear, so you might as well be happy…
Happy Wednesday 🙂
Ok, unless he was seeing-impaired or suffering from severe jet-lag, that is just, well…..silly.
No one could mistake you for someone’s Mom unless you were accompanying a baby, a toddler or a young teen! I love this dress on you and love your sentiments “put your body in clothing that makes you feel good, empowered, and whatever else you want to feel” even more.
lol. thanks chris 🙂
i think he was just noticing how similar we looked? we were also dressed rather the same too…
I am cringing just reading about that comment…why do people say things like this? It reminds me of the time I met a new neighbor, and I was wearing an oversized white shirt, and she made the observation that I was “expecting”?!?!?
ugh, i know, right? he felt really bad i think, because i made sort of a snide remark (which i also felt bad about…) too, but seriously. i thought we knew better than to ask people if they’re expecting, or if they’re someone’s mom, etc., etc….
I’m 45 and I own versions of both those outfits. I completely agree with your conclusion. Well said!
I do sometimes worry that my “comfort” clothing makes me look older than I should (I just turned 44, so your age, Grechen). But then I would rather be able to walk, sit, stretch etc and I realize I don’t care and go on about my day. I do want to avoid being in a style rut, whatever that means. That’s why I started reading your blog and a few others when I turned 40. I think I could happily continue to wear the clothing I wore at 18, and while some is “timeless”, it’s never exactly the same, right? So I need/seek out new ideas & stimulation…but from women of a certain age. Not insta-models and It girls. I didn’t wear that type of stuff when I was 20, I don’t want to wear it now….
Also – my motto of 2017 is “Talk Less, Smile More” (from Hamilton – I stamped it on a bracelet!) to remind myself – don’t say stupid shit. Just keep it inside…..
uggh-I can totally sympathize with you. I have been asked if I am my sister’s mother and she is 10 years younger than me. I have also been asked if I wanted the senior discount. Meanwhile I have less wrinkles at 50 than many women 15 years younger than me! My hair and clothing styles are similar to yours-I do wonder if that has anything to do with it. I am never kind when this happens. As a matter of fact I was so mad about the “senior discount” I wrote an email to the store manager 🙂
Part of me would be furious, but the frugal part of me would be happy 🙂 Ugh.
On the other hand, every time I get carded in Kroger, I thank them – I say I know they have to card EVERYBODY but I’m happy they asked, just the same 😉
It was a man? Say no more ?
Also, I have officially moved into the middle-aged-lady-loose-fit-clothing segment. I went to a “comfort” shoe store to look for shoes for my upcoming trip to Europe, and ended up buying a cowl-neck pleated black knit asymmetric top. It looks great with my no-button black stretch crop pants I also recently bought. (insert the laughing-crying emoji here)
To be honest, and I really don’t mean this in a reverse sexist way, men are just clueless and shouldn’t be taken seriously when they blurt out stuff like this. (This is not an apology for their stupidity….just a roll your eyes it’s on them not me thing.) The grand majority of the male species have no evaluation skills whatsoever when it comes to these things….or how to find find out answers to possibly insensitive questions without sounding like a complete dork! I speak from the perspective of a woman who has all her long life had close male friends with whom she has worked tirelessly, without rewards and with limited results to ####ing get with it.
That said, I work and am out in the world with people of all sexes who are all decades younger than me, and frankly sometimes I have to content myself just with being “visible.” ;-). Actually that’s not true! If I’m feeling invisible I fight it loudly….on behalf of all women of a certain age…just wish I didn’t have to sometimes. Why is it I have to constantly bring up my disreputable youth to get respect among the young (e.g. yeah, I may be in my sixties, but when my female friends and I were in our teens we were hitch-hiking or motorbiking on our own across places like Africa and South America….what were you doing?) A story like that and suddenly they are all wide eyed and want to talk to you about everything. Sigh. Lol. It’s actually quite hilarious.
Oh, yes. And who’s taking bets on whether Liz’s website will crash in a few minutes?????
HA! I’ve been wondering the same thing 🙂
In my experience, if you are over 20 and have hair shorter than shoulder-length, some dumbass man will mention it negatively. And if you’re under 20 they will imply you’re a lesbian. Like that’s so terrible lol. You simply can’t win as a woman. Oh, and if you’re seeking public office, you’d better be post-menopausal because otherwise no one will focus on anything other than your appearance, and if you *are* post-menopausal you’ll be ridiculed for being ugly/unstylish/a hag (I heard a Trump interviewed on NPR call Hillary a hag during the campaigns and for the very life of me I could not understand what the word “hag” means to him, because she never failed to look carefully dressed, with her hair done, with her make-up professionally done, and I would even go so far as to say she may have had *something* done to her face to look fresher, and despite all of that, some yokel is on the news calling her a hag — it blew my mind and actually made me cry.)
My point is yes, we MUST dress for ourselves, because lord knows chasing others’ approval will only leave us exhausted and sad. Youth is temporal. Age brings acceptance, grace, and if we’re lucky, peace. You exude timeless beauty–and would even if you wore a paper bag. There’s something about you, Grechen, that people (even ones who have never met you in person) can’t help loving! xoxo
still up!! 🙂
started a new post for an open discussion. have at it ladies!!
Um, that guy who made the comment needs to get himself a new pair of spectacles, I think!
As I’ve gotten older I’m definitely more attracted to the less-trendy styles and clothes that are just better made in general. But, I was asking myself if a grown woman who will be 50yo in a couple months can still wear as many graphic tees and sweatshirts as I own(?); my conclusion…YES!
haha. i love it.
life is too short…best to be comfortable 🙂
haha. well, yes…
omg!! i would be furious if i was asked if i wanted the senior discount!! but i also agree with hoyaheel, i’d also be sort of happy LOL
people just don’t know what to make of us. my husband is one of those people, he just does NOT get my “style.” i don’t understand what’s not to get, but i think people still really want women to just wear what is “traditionally flattering” and “age-appropriate” so they can put us in their little boxes.
Actually, I was furious when I found out that I qualified many years ago for a senior’s discount in a store where I shop regularly and nobody ever mentioned it! It’s not always 65 …..sometimes 60, 55, 50 or 45, depending….
Maybe stores/theatres/transportation companies, etc., should just prominently post such things at check-out???????? So no-one need guess?
Not that YOU look like you qualify for a senior anything, Grechen!
A certain British online women’s wear company (referenced in the thatsnotmyage blog that I follow) has the motto: if you can’t eat, dance, drink and sleep in it, we don’t make it. As a person who used to travel far and a lot for business, I have long lived that motto for what I buy. And people used to tell me all the time that I was very elegant! (used to as in I am retired now, so no more high level business meetings to attend….thank God….not used to in that I have now given up on myself ;-).) I don’t think you can look young or fresh or elegant if you are wearing something stiff, binding or uncomfortable. So not only is there is no need to compromise, it doesn’t make sense. If you are comfortable, it is the first step to being elegant. IMO.
I haven’t seen Hamilton! But love this. Thanks for sharing this quote. Works for everything, no?
You look amazing! Love the color and don’t be afraid of those form-fitting outfits. You totally rocked it!! You should be so proud of your hard work.
Grechen, we are all so busy dissing the question you received that we are forgetting to mention how sophisticated you look in that effortless outfit. As the Italians say: complimente. (There just doesn’t seem to be an appropriate similar word in English….compliments? congratulations? Somehow neither conveys the same feeling that Italians are expressing when they use that word.)
Um, no way. That outfit was super cute and on-trend! He is obviously totally clueless about fashion, and women. I hope you rightfully shamed him the way I do whenever I get “Ma’am-ed.” This was a teachable moment for him, but I’m sorry it had to come at your expense. You dress hipper than 99.9% of adult women, and your hair is great and your skin is flawless, so this was definitely his issue.
I haven’t seen Hamilton yet either, but I adore the soundtrack 🙂 The touring version comes here next year, so fingers crossed…..The context is that it’s advice from Aaron Burr to Alexander Hamilton, early in the show. And yes (as someone whose mouth often gets her into trouble….) it’s advice I *need* to heed!
You look so suave and professional in JP dresses, to me you’re the sexy librarian. That guy was a shmuck as we say in Queens. Im falling down laughing because when you get to 53 you do not give one rat’s ass about what other people think. Hopefully we can find more designers that make clothes for women who dress to please themselves, Elizabeth Suzanne, Eileen Fisher, James Pearse . I am going to reference my mom again since her birthday is coming up and I miss her. That Dame did not care about the ‘rules’ and dressed like a siren all the time or was dressed down w jeans and just lipstick . I guess Ive thankfully become more like her and tend to wear what I like. My bf does not get some of the stuff I wear, he just wants to be able to see my butt. He doesnt like tunics, long sweaters etc, oh well too bad for him I dont cave with pressure- I tend to dig my heels in. I think you do too. Can’t wait to sit and relax and review the ES collection!
To all the girls, goodnight
I be gotten that one before, too, Jen. And it was made by a former “mean girl” from my H.S. ….while I was holding my 6-month old baby. She knew exactly what she was saying!!!
2 things that should never be said to a woman:
1) When is the baby due?
2) Are you Mom? (When it’s obvious you’re NOT!)
People sometimes speak before thinking, and perhaps in an attempt to connect. Talk about short-circuiting a connection!
*I’ve
I think it’s safe to assume that if someone qualifies for the senior discount, they’ll know enough to ask for it!
I’d just say, “You look freakin’ amazing in that dress!” And I love that it’s navy…totally a dark neutral.
I wear vans high tops and striped cotton sailor shirts with jeans almost 24/7. I am 50 years old. Am I the picture of middle-aged elegance? Do I look young, or ridiculous? I don’t know and I don’t care. I’m 50. I’m alive. I’m having a good time. I love sneakers. I don’t worry about other people any more 🙂 it’s a wonderful feeling.
Clearly I have an opinion. And here it is. If you are a sensitive and sensible person, however you dress will be right for your age. So, a teeny reservation, but otherwise, hog wild;).
You look smoking hot in this outfit and super cool in Friday’s. I can’t imagine what he was thinking.
I so love Elizabeth Suzann clothes, their concept, their integrity, but I really need clothes with shape. Boxy styles definitely do not suit me. I’m an XS or size 2/4 – relatively shapeless clothes overwhelm my delicate frame and do not flatter me at all. I have a couple of pieces I’ve purchased yet have never worn – the Marlena Midi, Georgia, Cecilia pant. Has anyone else felt this way? Are there any pieces you would recommend for my size ? Maybe I need to wear a belt. I welcome suggestions. So enjoyed perusing the new collection and thinking to try again.
I’m the same size as you and 5’3″. I think the Cecilia pants work well with the boxy (Georgia) and flowy (artist smock) tops along with more fitted ones. The Georgia dress didn’t work for me, nor did the Harper’s tunic (and I tried it in three different iterations!). However my older version of the Marlena Midi (Vera) and the short Marlena are my favorite dresses. I wear them on their own or layer a top or sweater over.
Hope this helps!
Thanks so much for your input, Laurie. Very helpful in considering ES options for smaller frames. I love the idea of the Georgia and Harper’s tunic, but they don’t work for me either. I haven’t tried the Artist Smock, but maybe I’ll give it a go. I have a Marlena midi from about a year or so ago, and the top part fits me perfectly. However, when I recently ordered the Marlena tank, they had changed the cut slightly which no longer fits me, so it was a return. It appeared the arm holes were deeper and some other pattern adjustment which made the tank gap and lay improperly on me. They sent me another one and it did the same thing. I inquired and they confirmed the pattern change. I really like the look of the older Vera…maybe it will make a comeback. Are you ordering anything in the new collection? Do you find it works better to have more flowy fabrics than the sturdier cottons? Except for the Cecilia, all my pieces are in silk – a soft drape looks best on me as it can fall closer to the body.
I had the Marlena dress (shorter one) taken up at the shoulder seams to raise the V up a bit. However I have two Marlena tanks, both in raw silk, one from a sample sale and one I ordered this year, and neither of them needed to be taken up.
I’ve ordered the Georgia t in linen gauze. I have an ivory one in a hemp silk blend (it’s older) and a black one in raw silk. I’m in love with the raw silk fabric! I want her to make the long sleeved Lara top in it in black!
I have the Clyde trousers in the sturdy cotton (same ones Grechen has). They feel wide because of the pockets but are very slimming in profile. I pair them with both fitted tees and the boxier Georgia. If you wanted to try a flowier pant the silk Florence are like the most elegant, comfortable pajamas ever!
All so helpful….thank you, Laurie! Interesting the current Marlena fits you without taking up. The M tank I returned wasn’t a matter of taking it up or I would have. Could have been just an oddball thing. My ES silk pieces are all crepe and not raw. Guess I should try the raw silk. I hear good things about it. Funny you should mention the Florence….that’s what I’ve been thinking to get next! Sounds absolutely yummy.
I showed my husband a picture if you and asked how old you looked and he said 35, so here you go 🙂
Haha. Well thank you to your husband!! And you 🙂
Was at home improvement store on senior discount day and was asked by the cashier – who was quite older than my 43- if I would be taking advantage of the 55+ discount on my purchase. That took me aback a smidge…
It’s true that having stopped dying my hair last year and becoming more salt and pepper I find I get those sorts of remarks from women occasionally.
Maybe it’s not that you look older, it’s just that your friend looks younger, increasing the age gap in which you *could* be her mother