Horses Atelier belted field suit (size 6)
Eytys canvas sneakers (a few years old)
It’s been a rough week around here.
Hawk had his first cold last week and is just getting over it now. He handled it well, better than me, and was just a little more fussy and tired than usual. Oh, and he became a fountain of snot. Ew. Nasal aspirator and Fridababy snot wipes to the rescue.
He’s also going through a major sleep regression that started a couple days before he got sick. He had been sleeping through the night for months, going to bed with no problem around 8 and then waking up around 5:30 for a quick feed then back to bed for another hour or so. Those days are long gone, and it feels like they’re never coming back. Now, he goes down to sleep around 7:30, then wakes up an hour later, then a couple more times after that. Sometimes he wakes up screaming and other times he wakes up quietly and is back to sleep by himself in a few minutes. He’s been waking up around 2 to eat, then again at 5 or so. Then, he’s awake at around 7 for good.
Because he’s not sleeping well, I’m not sleeping well, and I’m not getting my much-needed coffee/alone time in the mornings either. Remember how I cherished that time? so fleeting LOL. Oh, and have I mentioned that he doesn’t take long naps during the day? He will go down for 2-3 naps but only for 30 minutes at a time, which is enough for me to just catch my breath. I am finding this all very very challenging.
I had a complete breakdown about my body this weekend also.
Yesterday I was just going through the motions, trying to keep it together. Trying to keep Hawk happy, and make it through the day without clawing my eyeballs out. Today is better. Motherhood is the weirdest, most complicated and saddest experience I’ve ever had. It is also joyous and peaceful, about 49% of the time.
ETA: I started writing this yesterday. Last night at 2 AM while I was awake for the I don’t know how many times that night, I said to myself, “that’s it, I’m giving him back.” As if I could. Of course I wouldn’t, but in the moment, wow…I felt like I simply couldn’t do it any longer.
RIght now, I’m writing this and he’s sitting in his high chair teething on a rubber star, being an absolute angel. He has some teeth coming in on the bottom, which could explain some of the fussiness. He is also more hungry lately, and perhaps I haven’t been keeping up with that as I should; it’s so hard to navigate bottle + breastfeeding, and how many ounces of formula he needs. He’s also ready to start on solids, so that’s a whole other thing.
I’m beginning to think that motherhood is mostly figuring out a way to keep going when you just can’t anymore. Somehow we always do. That makes me feel like superwoman on a good day, but also puts me in awe of every mother out there. I had no idea.
Said angel 😉