Raquel Allegra drama maxi dress (size 1) | Purchased with credits from Shopbop
(my colorway is sold out, but here’s a black/white tie-dye one on sale at Shopbop) –
Also, The Real Real is an excellent resource for secondhand Raquel Allegra –
here’s this dress in a size 0 for less than $100 and another in size 1
I didn’t think it was possible to feel more tired than I did during my first trimester, but wow. I probably overdid myself yesterday, because I don’t really know how to “slow down,” and anyway, it doesn’t feel like I’m doing too much, I’m just doing what I normally do on a given work day. I just happen to be carrying around an extra 25 pounds of weight, have a little dude changing position and doing gymnastics in my torso constantly, and compressing my bladder and internal organs.
No big deal.
After I finished grocery shopping at around 4 I felt like I needed to just SIT DOWN, put my feet up, and chill for a little bit, but it’s literally impossible for me to do that while there’s other stuff that needs to be done. You know, important stuff, like prepping peppers for me to eat later, making my step-son’s bed after washing the sheets, random little things, tidying up, etc., that I always have to finish before I sit.
I think it’s really hard for people who are not like me (my husband) to understand why I do this, but what can I say? I cannot “relax” when things feel unfinished, or cluttered, to me. I actually appreciate that about myself, because I’m always happy to get back up again and find that I don’t “need” to do anything; I am truly relaxed. Otherwise, if I get up and see that something is out that shouldn’t be, or there are crumbs on the floor, I feel exhausted all over again.
It’s probably not surprising that I’m the same, or worse, when it comes to work. I had twelve orders come in to slowre yesterday (Wednesdays are new arrivals day!) and my goal is always to get them packed and out to the post office before the end of the day. It’s harder for me to do now, since it’s more challenging for me to even BEND OVER, lift lots of things, etc, but I am just compelled to get things completed and shipped ASAP. I feel entirely drained afterwards, and still I have more to do.*
I will absolutely recruit my step-son to be my un-paid intern for the month that he’s here, as much help as a 16 year-old boy can be LOL, but I am trying to figure out what to do with slowre in August. I was thinking of taking a “maternity” leave for the entire month, mostly to force myself to just STOP and slow down for a few days before the due date and then after.
Maybe I’ll stop putting up new arrivals for the month, but keep the shop open. That way, orders come in more sporadically, not 10 or more in a day. What about accepting consignment items? I also have big plans for expanding slowre to include kids/baby stuff, more maternity, and revamp the web design, photography, etc., but all of that will have to wait until after I get my bearings as a new mom I guess. Although I’m just anxious to get going.
Haha. Story of my life. Now, though, it is simply not negotiable that I slow down a bit and adjust myself to this exhausted body, and then to a new/different life with a baby.
OMG, seriously. Could you have imagined those words coming out of my mouth a year ago?? What is happening? I’m 46 and having a baby? I still can’t believe it sometimes….
*another thing I struggle with is how “easy” I have it relatively: I don’t have another one or two kids to care for, I don’t have to worry about our financial situation so much, I have a home and a supportive partner. So I feel guilty even talking about my own challenges, etc., but then I stop myself. Why do I, we (women especially), see everything as a competition? I can be tired at the same time another woman is tired and neither of us take anything away from the other. I appreciate and feel my privilege everyday, but I think we do a disservice to each other when we don’t allow ourselves to feel whatever we may feel, share those feelings with each other, and embrace them together. We can all only get stronger for it. I think, anyway.