wearing: Anthropologie dog dress (thrifted) | LD Tuttle Wayne wedges | Jas M.B. bag | Chain bracelet (wedding gift from Hampden Clothing!)
I’ve actually gotten used to the (short) length of this dress and have worn it quite a bit lately (like most of the weekend). Part of it is my “it’s hot and I don’t care” mentality, but I think I may also be getting used to seeing my knees. I know, GASP!
This may be a little off-topic, but not really, and I’m curious: are you of the opinion that “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” when it comes to commenting on blogs, or do you share your opinion and give constructive criticism (whether asked for or not)?
In practice, I usually do what my mother always told me and follow the “if you don’t have anything nice to say…” rule with regard to blog comments (although definitely not when snarking on outfits in my head at the local mall) but I don’t always want to. Sometimes I DIE to provide some constructive criticism or suggest a more flattering look, but I don’t do it. I would never leave a mean, pointless comment (and when I receive just mean, negative, hateful, not constructive at all comments I delete them), but I don’t even feel compelled to leave a critical comment. Which is interesting, because I’d love to RECEIVE one.
Again, I don’t mean I would appreciate a comment like “I don’t like your outfit” – but I would an “I love the dress, but I think it would be more flattering with a belt” comment. It is a fine line I suppose, especially with fashion/style being so subjective, but I am interested in what other people perceive as more or less flattering on me. Whenever I do a “should I buy this or that” post, or ask for opinions, I always know what you guys are going to say 🙂 – usually you pick whatever dress/skirt is shorter or is belted. Which is usually the opposite of what I would choose myself, although generally much more flattering.
But although I KNOW that my legs look longer when I show a bit of knee and wear high heels, I don’t always WANT to wear things that way. I think I know generally what’s flattering on me, but sometimes I just want to not care. So, maybe once I put an outfit up here on the blog, I’ve decided not to care, and am not interested in differing opinions….maybe that’s how it is with most bloggers. I mean, why would you publish something ONLINE for (theoretically) millions of people to see if you’re not ok with how you look?
I don’t know, maybe I’m rambling a bit, but this is something that interests me. The phenomenon of putting oneself out there for anyone to see and comment on is relatively new and I think we’re still trying to figure out the etiquette.
What do you say? As a blog reader, do you ever leave critical (but constructive) comments? and as a blogger, do you WANT to receive critical comments? or are you not interested?
I generally keep it to myself because I’m always worried about how it will be read. Even a friendly comment can sometimes come off wrong sometimes so I’m always adding an embarrassing amount of 🙂 🙂 🙂 and !!!! to my comments just in case. I wish I could comment more like I actually talk but since I can’t I try to err on the safe side.
alicia´s last blog post ..Calling Houston Fashion Bloggers
that’s a good point – writing something never sounds the same as just saying it. And i’ve done the too many !! and 🙂 too!!
I would never leave a negative comment on someone’s blog, personally, whether constructive or not. There are a couple blogs I follow (not just style, but decor too) that I absolutely don’t like something they did but I would never say so in a comment. I think it’s rude and it bothers me when people go on sites just to be negative. Like on Apartment Therapy when they feature peoples’ homes and readers just continue to bash. Just give them their props for wearing/creating/doing something they love and definitely if “you don’t have something nice to say than don’t be a hater!”
I wouldn’t leave a negative comment unless I knew the person really, really, REALLY well and it was funny. I don’t think it’s nice to insult people who have put effort into something, whether it’s an outfit or a blog post. The only time it’s okay to give a suggestion is when the blogger asks for it. IE – do you think this would look better with (insert better here.) On that note, I’m really in love with your dog dress and think it’s perfect just the way it is – no belt needed.
I never leave negative comments on blogs, unless the blogger is asking for an opinion. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I have left my opinion if the blogger specifically asks for an opinion, though, and it is an honest opinion. Becuase I figure if she’s asking for an opinion then she really wants to know what other people think, and it is only fair to be honest–positive or negative. If she’s not asking for an opinion, any negative comments could be hurtful.
Like you said — I don’t post an outfit online unless I’m fairly happy with it. So I’m generally not looking for criticism. That said, if someone left a generally complimentary comment with a suggestion for improvement, I wouldn’t be upset. But it’s hard not to take things personally, especially when you can’t see the person in front of you to know their tone.
I tend to say nothing, if I don’t like what I see. But if it’s a blogger I know really does want opinions, I will leave measured suggestions about the outfit. All that said, I think you look great when you show more skin:). And I’m a 54 year old straight woman, so maybe I just don’t fit the pattern?
Lisa´s last blog post ..Why Do High WASPs Eat Wheat Thins For Lunch?
I adore this dress. What an adorable print!
Personally, I would never leave a critical comment unless the post specifically asked for such a thing. I figure, if you don’t ask, you’re not interested. I generally operate under the same principle – I don’t think I would want such a comment unless I asked. If I need help styling something, I would ask – otherwise the way I dress is just my own personal style & it doesn’t matter to me what anyone else thinks – if that makes sense. We obviously don’t all dress alike or like the same things so I wouldn’t leave someone a comment suggesting something else as that is just the way I think. Now, if they’re interested in knowing what I think, then I will tell, no problem. 🙂
I also agree with Alicia (above) – I generally keep to myself as well because sometimes even a nice “critical” comment can be read in an unintended way.
Katie´s last blog post ..Zesty (16/30)
It’s a tough one for me, because, when we post ourselves in an outfit aren’t we looking for some kind of commentary? And I would hope that people would be kind(I assume that most ARE!), but like you said, Grechen, you have to be OK with how you look for yourself, not for others. I guess if we invite comments, then we have to accept the raves with the criticism. A lot of actors say that’s why they don’t read their own reviews. And Alicia is right, you should never post something if that little nagging voice inside your head is saying, “Wait!”. Comments on a blog don’t show the inflections in our voice or the emotions on our face!!
Oh, and you look adorable in that dress, btw!!! (seriously! 😉
Look at you, showing off your knees…. I’m so proud! You look great 🙂
I try to avoid negative comments at all costs. I have offered constructive criticism but only in the context of myself. For example, if a blogger wears a pair of shoes that I don’t love, I’ll say that the sandals are great but I choose not to wear them because I’m worried about making my legs look short. People wear what makes them happy and it’s not my job to rain on their parade. It takes a lot of guts to put pictures of your outfits out there and share your style and your passion so I don’t want to put a damper on anyone’s creativity. However, I have been know to correct someone’s grammar or spelling but only through email or DM. Great post!
Cathy Benavides (@slavetofashion)´s last blog post ..Austin Fashion Week – Wednesday Recap
I think Cathy @slavetofashion has a great idea: Using yourself as the context for constructive criticism. And it does take a lot of guts to put yourself out there, for sure!!!
It´s not always about been fashionable, sometimes it´s just been comfortable. Anyway I think you look better in this kind of dress, rather than long skirts, but again it doesn´t matter what people say..if you feel good wearing something
Totally agreed! And that’s why I like Grechen’s blog: She wears what SHE is comfortable in, which is also fashionable. And we relate…which is why we follow! <3
Unless someone’s asking how to style something or whether they should keep a recent purchase, I keep my mouth shut. If someone’s posting a “here’s what I wore today” pic, they’re not looking for unsolicited fashion advice at that time. I keep my mouth shut. Particularly if the outfit looks great as is, even if I DO think a belt or whatever would up the fashion quotient a little. I think people who pipe in with comments like that on an “outfit of the day” post have a) no filters and b) a problem recognizing the difference between asking for advice and show-and-tell. Commenters can tend to split hairs and, when doing so, fail to realize there’s a real person beneath the clothes they’re critiquing.
On outfit posts I avoid leaving comments that could be construed as negative even if they intend to be constructive. Unless someone is asking for a yay or nay opinion from readers I don’t think it is my business or my right to rain on blogger parades. That isn’t to say I delete all constructive comments from my blog. I do take them into account but I also think most of them operate with an assumption that everyone should try to dress as though their bodies are a series or “problem areas” that they want to mask or make thinner-looking. It’s taken me years to find the body self esteem and positivity to branch beyond those ideas and try to wear things that make me happy. My body is able and healthy. I am grateful for that regardless of the sizes on my tags.
I do delete comments that are just outright insulting though I’ve not received many.
I really balk at the sartorial notion that what is “flattering” is limited to that which makes the (female) wearer look her tallest and thinnest. That narrow view of beauty presupposes that we’re all striving to be models. And it simply doesn’t ring true to my life or my style. I read all types of blogs but I gravitate toward those with authors who have style able to transcend prescriptive “dress to look your thinnest” credos. Personally I am not what most would deem “thin.” I am curvy and no amount of smoke, mirrors, or clothing will change that.
jesspgh´s last blog post ..End of summer wedding
BTW, I think this outfit is super cool. I love the print and the simple shape of the dress. I think it looks dynamite on you and your figure. And I think sometimes we are our own harshest critics (re: your knees).
jesspgh´s last blog post ..End of summer wedding
I think it’s a delicate situation. I think most of your readers are nice, thoughtful people who have a broad and open sense of style and fashion–and that’s great. I guess I would have a better sense of how to comment if I knew what you were truly looking for. One of the readers here said she hates when all blogs are about encouraging you to find the outfit that makes you look thinnest. I sympathize with that comment. But I also think, if we are being truly honest with ourselves, that we are looking for clothes that, while showing off our curves, make us look fit or strong or attractive–and if that also means thinner, we’re happy with that.
I think you have a very good sense of style and what clothes and acccessories looks good on you. I think this dress looks very good on you, I think the length and the style look right. You wouldn’t want this longer. I agree with what you, yourself, have said in the past–that you have other features that outshine your legs. I think in this case, you picked a great dress for your body and it needs to be this length. But in general, you look best in longer lengths that are somewhat close to the body.