Raquel Allegra romper | lilac version on sale at Shopbop
Babaa no18 Cardigan (not mine – just trying on for slowre!)
Birkenstock Arizona Sandals (I purchased these secondhand last summer)
It’s still been a little too cool for dresses the last few days so I’m eeking the most I can out of my many jumpsuits/rompers. I’ve had this one for a while actually (I went on a bit of a bender before my trip in March), and have worn it a few times, I just never had time to photograph it. I got the size 2 in this, and it’s plenty big, but feels like it will continue to fit my belly/hips for a while longer.
I received a few of these Babaa cardigans (two natural and one navy) in for consignment at slowre recently (going up next week?) and have sort of been tempted to buy one for myself. For my body type: short waist, short arms, short all over, the cropped style of this cardigan and 3/4 sleeves is kind of perfect. People seem to love these and collect multiple colors, and I can see why, but I’m not quite convinced I need one yet…
As usual, I’m feeling all over the place lately. Slowre keeps me mostly grounded, and focused on what I need to do for work, but other than that, I’m not always motivated to do much, and have been overcome by the “shoulds” – so much that I become paralyzed.
When it really comes down to it, I’m ultimately struggling with the feeling of not knowing who I am right now. I don’t feel much like “me.” If you asked me, I’m not sure I could say exactly who “I” am, except a person who’s just trying to navigate through life the best she can. But before this, pregnancy, that was okay I thought. That was enough.
Now, I need to think of the human I have growing inside of me. And he’s wreaking all sorts of havoc. (no, not really, just the weird bodily stuff that comes along with pregnancy, all totally bearable).
I think about the candy I’m eating (will I have gestational diabetes? I’ll find out next week). I think about the world he’ll enter soon (ALL THE PLASTIC WASTE. UGH). I think about being a good mother. I think about my marriage. I think about who I’ll be “after”.
These days I’m just trying to carve out little moments for myself where I am doing what feels good to me, and that bring me back to center: Going to lunch by myself, Sitting outside with my kindle, Painting my nails (although I did that, then promptly messed them up…). In the middle of all the thinking/worrying, those things feel right and help me remember how much I just enjoy being alive in this world.
I know I’ll figure it out. Not the best analogy perhaps, but when I broke my jaw and had to live with my mouth wired shut and on a liquid diet, I got used to it. It became somewhat “normal” after a couple weeks.
I will (hopefully) become a mother in August. I will adapt and learn to find our flow. We will figure out together what it feels like to be mother and son. After all, he’ll be new at this too 🙂
What’s wrong with being a “person who’s just trying to navigate through life the best she can” after you have the baby? Really, Grechen, isn’t this what we all do, day-to-day? Self-knowledge isn’t static. It’s not like we figure it all out and we tie it all up neatly in a bow. I’m a different person than who I was a year ago – we’re changing all the time, if we’re growing.
Instead of worry (I know, I know…) do one concrete thing to move to a point of healthy well-being. If it’s worrying about “me time,” talk to your hubby about your need for it and solve it together, or find a babysitter now for a few days per week. If it’s about your marriage, set up counseling. We did that before our first daughter was born, and it really helped prepare us for change. Almost 37 yrs later, we’re still working on it! Doing things to make it better is productive. You’ll figure it out as you go along…trust me.
Such a big change and one that was a surprise. It is very self aware to have all these thoughts and questions right now. The recommendation about counseling is a good one. I think of all us can benefit from counseling or therapy during times of significant changes in our lives. I am currently seeing a therapist as I am feeling much more anxiety than usual (I believe it is partly situational due to everyday stress, cumulative from past traumatic events and also menopause). It has been a helpful experience.
I love that jumpsuit! I’ve been back and forth on the Babaa cardigan. It looks good on you. I just can’t make up my mind on whether to pull the trigger or get stuck on the color. I actually don’t wear cropped pieces as much now (most of my jackets/cardis are past my bum or midi/maxi) but because this one is oversized I do think it could work.
“Bumpy” is such a good adjective to describe a pregnancy I wish you all the best.
Agree 100%! Kindness and patience with yourself is critical now and in the coming months (years).
I second “Bumpy” being a great adjective for this post and this place in your life. The changing sense of self and wholesale redefinition of so many things you took for granted as fixed is one of the BIGGEST challenges I’ve faced since becoming a parent. Not necessarily hard – some of it is wonderful – but you will learn so much about yourself, your child, your marriage, your spouse, your priorities (your closet, your limits, your strength)…
My wallet did not need to know there are Babaa cardigans coming to slowre. Haha.