It’s still been a little too cool for dresses the last few days so I’m eeking the most I can out of my many jumpsuits/rompers. I’ve had this one for a while actually (I went on a bit of a bender before my trip in March), and have worn it a few times, I just never had time to photograph it. I got the size 2 in this, and it’s plenty big, but feels like it will continue to fit my belly/hips for a while longer.
I received a few of these Babaa cardigans (two natural and one navy) in for consignment at slowre recently (going up next week?) and have sort of been tempted to buy one for myself. For my body type: short waist, short arms, short all over, the cropped style of this cardigan and 3/4 sleeves is kind of perfect. People seem to love these and collect multiple colors, and I can see why, but I’m not quite convinced I need one yet…
As usual, I’m feeling all over the place lately. Slowre keeps me mostly grounded, and focused on what I need to do for work, but other than that, I’m not always motivated to do much, and have been overcome by the “shoulds” – so much that I become paralyzed.
When it really comes down to it, I’m ultimately struggling with the feeling of not knowing who I am right now. I don’t feel much like “me.” If you asked me, I’m not sure I could say exactly who “I” am, except a person who’s just trying to navigate through life the best she can. But before this, pregnancy, that was okay I thought. That was enough.
Now, I need to think of the human I have growing inside of me. And he’s wreaking all sorts of havoc. (no, not really, just the weird bodily stuff that comes along with pregnancy, all totally bearable).
I think about the candy I’m eating (will I have gestational diabetes? I’ll find out next week). I think about the world he’ll enter soon (ALL THE PLASTIC WASTE. UGH). I think about being a good mother. I think about my marriage. I think about who I’ll be “after”.
These days I’m just trying to carve out little moments for myself where I am doing what feels good to me, and that bring me back to center: Going to lunch by myself, Sitting outside with my kindle, Painting my nails (although I did that, then promptly messed them up…). In the middle of all the thinking/worrying, those things feel right and help me remember how much I just enjoy being alive in this world.
I know I’ll figure it out. Not the best analogy perhaps, but when I broke my jaw and had to live with my mouth wired shut and on a liquid diet, I got used to it. It became somewhat “normal” after a couple weeks.
I will (hopefully) become a mother in August. I will adapt and learn to find our flow. We will figure out together what it feels like to be mother and son. After all, he’ll be new at this too 🙂