In Santa Fe – I did enjoy that sorbet tho…
25.5 weeks pregnant
I don’t have a cute, round bump*. I have a two-tiered bump: it’s sort of round and hard and “normal looking” at the bottom and then flabby and more like a roll of fat at the top. It’s not perfectly smooth anywhere, nor is there clear “definition”. My bump looks nothing like the cute baby bumps you see posted on maternity clothing sites or even by some of the pregnant ladies I follow on Instagram.
Not that I should be surprised. My body has always looked so different from anyone else’s (don’t they all??) and now, when I should be celebrating what my body is doing, all those ugly, negative body image feelings are popping up again. The areas I worked so hard to tone and slim down are growing exponentially (you should see my ASS!!! OMG) and my hips are widening (duh). My ankles are swelling and are even more nonexistent than before. I’m nervous about the amount of weight I’m gaining, and getting dressed is frustrating.
I thought that since I’d been overweight basically all my life until recently I’d have an easier time gaining weight and getting generally “bigger” with pregnancy. I thought I’d accept my body and embrace the changes easier. Ha. Hahahaha. I’m having a really hard time. I had a breakdown about the size of my ass the other day. Yes, hormones, but still.
I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I KNOW THAT. I know I should be proud of growing a human in my body, at this “advanced” age. I won’t be pregnant forever. But one of the (selfish?) reasons I was comfortable with our decision NOT to have kids was that I was finally better about my body, after so long hating it.
I don’t always feel uncomfortable, or frustrated with my body. Sometimes I see myself in the mirror at Pure Barre or after a shower and see my growing belly and think wow…just wow; I love it, and what it is doing. But other times…see above…
*please…I’m not fishing for compliments or comments about how cute my bump may seem to you. Just sharing my reality/struggle right now.
Hey Grechen, don’t know if it is the same as I’ve never been preggers but I do know shifts in my female hormones can cause me to feel more down about my body struggles (& myself). Express away girl, it is healthy to share how you are feeling and I’m sure you are not alone. I will say this, please don’t compare yourself (or your bump) to advertising and social media. It is never the complete picture.
You look fantastic but I am so sorry you don’t feel that way and I completely understand. Towards the end of both of my pregnancies I felt like things were completely out of control! The swelling, etc. , is part of what you don’t see on Instagram when you are looking at maternity sites, blogs, etc. I am so sorry you are going through all of these emotions, but you are right…this is temporary, and you will absolutely be able to get back to where you want to be, it just takes time! When I had my first, the weight came off quickly by breastfeeding. With my second it was (and still is!) a longer process. I’m still nursing her. It’s different for everyone, hormones fluctuate, etc. I hope you enjoyed Santa Fe– I live here, and if you need recs, let me know!
For what it’s worth, you’re not alone! I’m 32 weeks pregnant with #2 and even KNOWING that I can lose the weight, I still have days that all I see is boobs, arms, and thighs …. then, belly. I, too, have had a history of weight issues and losing weight/ getting healthy and thinking I couldn’t have kids after years of trying. Like you, I’m trying to remind myself to relax and enjoy this experience as it will be my last pregnancy. Then comes the part where I try to be patient losing weight after the baby arrives. I gain a ton of weight when I’m pregnant (apparently), and it’s hard. So, I hear ya loud and clear!
P.S. A friend kindly reminded me a couple months ago that a pregnant model is still a model. Truth.
I feel like the pregnancy process is the first part of the lesson of new motherhood: everything is temporary. if you don’t like how something is, wait five minutes and it will probably be different. everything changes so fast!
It is a struggle! I am getting older—78—and don’t want to look at my older parts. Then I, like you, think I should be thankful I am 78 and healthy and not huge! I think the feelings are normal, and they come more often these days since we are bombarded with images of beautiful women with perfect bodies, albeit “enhanced” in some way. However, when I go to the grocery store or mall, I don’t see those bodies!
I struggled with the body changes, too! I still do – my twins were born JUST before I turned 37; my third a few months before I was 39. I have some diastasis rectify, a permanent roundness in my tummy, a stubborn extra 10-12 pounds, and extra skin. Third just turned two. It’s just HARD some days. Which is all to say your feelings are totally normal and okay and despite that, damn-near objectively, you look lovely.
And your bump will get smoother and rounder yet as you get closer to 40 weeks. And I looked like 30 weeks pregnant when I left the hospital. I deflate SLOWLY. If you want to see my postpartum bump, holler and I’ll DM a photo to you thru IG.
*recti, not rectify – haha.
It’s part and parcel of being pregnant. Some days, you’re ok with the changes and they seem miraculous. And the next day, you wear a yellow dress and your brother says you look like a school bus….Oops! That was me. I was ready to smack him upside the head for that. Always a funny guy….:-(
Just roll with it. You’re making great progress. If you’re concerned about the weight, ask your OB if she thinks you’re on target. My mind was eased by that. And like you said, everyone is different.
I love the scarf with the outfit. Who IS this wearing all of this color?!?
Oh, thank you for this! I’m 53 and was beating myself up about my body image and why I STILL, at this age, allow myself to get so worked up about my imperfections. It’s odd, but there is pressure to look a certain way, and there is also this unspoken pressure (imho) to embrace your body and be this confident, “I have it all together” woman by the time you are fifty! I often feel like I am failing at both!
And Gretchen, love the scarf on you!
I am 39.5 weeks pregnant and can also relate! Just wanted to say one thing that has really helped me with ankle swelling and foot aches is wearing compression socks every day.
Pregnancy can be a minefield for body image. My first pregnancy at 31, I felt amazing right through – glowy, reasonably toned, slim apart from bump, etc. Next pregnancy, at 38, I felt so completely unlike myself the whole way through. Even before bump was showing I felt like I had ballooned. It was a fought-for pregnancy with IVF and I felt so stupid and shallow for worrying about weight, but it did worry me. I gained so much more than before, and kept the weight on for much longer. It’s tough – our bodies are so closely linked to our identity – particularly as women. BUT, they are also super flexible and changeable and adaptable and amazing. I decided just before 40th birthday that I wanted to get back to my pre-preg weight, and – although I’m usually crap at weight loss – I managed it. A combo of 5:2 diet and it just being the right time. So – don’t worry. It is temporary – bodies are miraculous and in flux. Your body will ‘remember’ your pre-preg weight and will undoubtedly bounce back to it, with or without a nudge from diet/fitness.
Totally get it. When we’ve managed through self-discipline and self-awareness to get comfortable with our bodies pregnancy is a huge wrench in the works.
If it’s at all useful in your worries about weight gain, it seems to be an individual thing. I gained 50 pounds with each kid and it all came off in 3 months of nursing afterwards – which resulted in extraordinarily fat babies, who grew up to be slender adults. FWIW.
I have five kids and I hated what happened to my body every time. It’s frustrating! and hard! Hang in there though because you’ll feel back to yourself at some point.
And those pregnant models are probably photoshopped as well, which is just…wrong.
I hear and see you. Your feelings are valid. I had my two kids in my late twenties and hated the body changes, never felt like my bump looked right and that I felt huge almost from day one of pregnancy. Nearly two decades later, I still cringe about it sometimes. Besides body image issues there’s also that loss of control feeling, that your body is doing things you can’t quite comprehend. It does get better. But be gentle with your self, it’s not a quick process. Hang in there. I envy you sometimes having a baby at a more established age. I feel like I spend my kids’ entire childhood trying figure myself out, I’m a much more well adjusted person now at 46. Take good care.
thank you kim 🙂
you’re absolutely right about the loss of control feelings – i think that’s the hardest. i probably could eat less candy/cookies, but also, the weight gain is part of growing a human!!
my husband and i both feel pretty thankful that we are in the place we are together, and separately, now, to be parents together. i wouldn’t have been before.
thanks kelly ! i know it…
thank you lisa, for always knowing exactly the right thing to say 😉
it’s such a minefield!! and i do feel guilty sometimes, thinking this way when my body is doing something i thought it never would…or could…and i know i’m very lucky, relatively speaking, for conceiving so “easily”, so that adds to the weird feelings.
thank you…was just thinking about trying those out.
thanks debi – forgot to mention the scarf is eileen fisher – organic cotton. it’s still on the site, on sale, but when you click on it, it gives a 404 error…
the scarf was a lifesaver in santa fe!!
thanks val 🙂
as of my last appointment i was on track with weight gain, but i feel like i have really ballooned since then!! i’m also very anxious for my gestational diabetes test on monday. i am feeling very very bad for eating so much candy/sugar early on 🙁
what a great reminder!! i know that will be so true as i move into motherhood. i can use this as a learning experience LOL
I had an opposite reaction: during most of pregnancy I felt like it was ok to be gaining weight. After all, when people saw me they only focused on my belly – my double chin was barely noticeable. Only in the last month or so did I worry about returning to my pre-pregnancy size. The experience made me realize how much of my non-pregnant time is spent worrying about my weight. It probably helps that I had a pretty text book pregnancy and an OB who measured, but never mentioned, my weight.
For me, after having my first child was the first time in my life (since before puberty) I felt good about my body. I struggled with anorexia as a teenager and that continued to a warped sense of body image through my 20s. Giving birth made me see that my body was amazing and could do incredible things – who cares about the cellulite and my now deflated boobs!
In my 40s I ended up a single Mom and moved with the kids to Hawaii. Being here where all body types are half naked on the beach led to more body acceptance. I traded in my Mom bathing suits for bikinis and have accepted myself as-is and have worked hard to make sure my daughters see how strong and incredible their bodies are. The only person who was looking critically at my body was me.
Please try not to worry, Grechen. I PROMISE you, you will get your body back. After two kids, I can say I’ve never been in better shape in my entire life, and I am 58 years old. I know how hard you’ve worked physically and emotionally to be healthy and accepting of yourself, and that same discipline will bring it all back in good time. In the meantime, forgive me, but I think you look like an adorable pregnant person 🙂 I also know that there’s nothing I or anyone else can say that will even remotely describe the feeling of first holding that baby in your arms, so I’ll just say that I am very, very happy for you. You’ll be glowing and your body will return to its beautiful and healthy state. xoxo
Grechen, I know how you feel! Before I had kids, I imagined myself just like the photos you see, where cute pregnant women don’t seem to gain any weight except in their belly. Well, I got pregnant with twins, which meant I was HUGE from early in the pregnancy, looked full-term in my 2nd trimester, and gained 60 lbs by the end. It was really hard, and 2 years later I still haven’t shed the last few pounds, I have stretch marks, some loose skin around my belly,and mild diastasis recti. Oddly, I don’t care as much as I thought I would. You are growing another human being, which is incredible, and so much work! I’m sure you will reach a happy equilibrium after you settle into motherhood.