Organic by John Patrick organic cotton 3/4 sleeve top (couple years old) | medium
Lauren Manoogian knit skirt (purchased w/credits at Garmentory) | size 2
AllBirds wool loungers
This is what I wore yesterday, at home for a little while, and then to Target & Whole Foods.
I’ve talked often about the back and forth conversation in my head when I get dressed. Over the last couple of years I’ve gotten much better about ignoring my inner critic, but some days it’s harder than others to disengage from the constant questioning…
- Where am I going today? Anywhere? Nowhere? will people see me? Who will see me? (sometimes when I go to a particularly “Dallas-y” area of town, I like to dress in a way that is EXACTLY the opposite of Dallas-y. I don’t know how to describe that exactly, for me it’s just loads of black, flats,preferably black and clunky, oversized dresses or pants, and not a label/brand in sight. Sort of how I dress everyday, but I think I try to be more deliberate about it on those days for some reason. to try and stand out even more LOL)
- What is the weather like? will I be cold? How many layers can I put on before I get hot?
- Will I stand out too much? See above, but also the answer to this is actually always yes, because a. I am not wearing leggings/workout clothes, and b. i don’t have rhinestones on my ass, or anywhere else on my person and c. I am not carrying Louis Vuitton
- What am I doing today?
I used to be a pro at talking myself out of wearing what I “feel” like wearing on a particular day because: I’ll be too cold, I’m just going to Target and Whole Foods and why should I “dress up” to just do those things, I’m with Leo and I need to try and look more “normal,” etc., etc.
The “I’m just going to x, y or z” excuse is one that has really worn on me though, so I really try hard to actively counter it and wear what I like. This outfit was completely practical for running errands and/or just sitting around at home. It’s incredibly comfortable, easy to move in, has a pocket (lol, one small one, but it fits my phone!), and covers my body. It also expresses my style/personality perfectly: I want to be comfortable, but also look “interesting,” wear pieces no one else wears, and like I give a shit about how I look. To me, this outfit checks all the boxes.
But it also says, whoa, who does she think she is getting dressed to run errands?*
Yeah, that part is in my head, because no one has ever said that to me out loud, but I don’t know…I can’t help but feel looked at, and judged by other women who are wearing…whatever they’re wearing…because I look SO DIFFERENT from every single other person at Target. Which I enjoy, actually, and deep down, probably thrive on. But still.
Of course, I’m the one judging what people are wearing sometimes too. I don’t like it, but I do it. And at the end of the day, I’m pretty sure that is why I feel judged when I do; I probably put that energy out there first.
Ha. Well, that’s a lot to unpack, but there it is.
*(all of these feelings also derive from the pervasive idea that we should not care so much about clothes, or how we look. That when we do care about those things, we are shallow, and have nothing better to care about. I have A WHOLE LOT MORE TO SAY ABOUT THAT though, and will do so in another post, but of course I don’t believe that. That doesn’t mean that I don’t feel “guilty” sometimes for putting some effort into what I wear. )