(wishing I was wearing…Eileen Fisher harem pants, James Perse slub t-shirt, Everlane Petra tote)
I’ve talked about this quite a bit, but I’m interested to know your take: what do you wear that your significant other/friends/kids/co-workers don’t understand? What do you wear and love that others hate?
Honestly, my husband doesn’t like much I wear; he is much more “traditional” and conservative in dress than I am, and not concerned at all with “fashion,” or what’s trendy, as he calls it (I call it “modern”). Oftentimes he feels like I’m being provocative in my clothing choices, like I’m trying to make a statement (a negative one) and draw attention to myself. That’s not what I’m doing, by any means – I just wear what I want, what is comfortable for me (both physically and sartorially) and what I think is “modern” and interesting right now.
But I can understand why someone might think that. It’s the same idea we get when we see teenagers who are decked out in full goth regalia, or wearing too much makeup, dressed in oversized clothes, and we think they are lashing out for attention and/or trying to hide themselves.
I’m certain there’s part of that in teenage dress, a sense of rebellion, but at this point in my life, I’m not interested in either standing out, or hiding myself. I do not try to fit in with my dress – I just can’t. I’ve done that, or tried to do it anyway, and it didn’t work very well for me, I just NEVER fit in. I am drawn to certain things over others, and wear what I want, it’s as simple as that.
I am still reminded of voices from my youth, people directing me that I should wear other things, things that are more flattering for my short, stubby legs and narrow waist, i.e. things that make me look tall and skinny, something I am NOT. Sometimes those voices are real, comments here, or from people in my life who think I should dress to make myself look my “best.” Whatever that is.
I ignore them, now. I hear them, of course, but dismiss them as quickly as I can (some faster than others!), and move on.
But I’m interested in what makes people react so negatively to unconventional silhouettes. It’s just a matter of taste I guess. I also feel like sometimes it’s jealousy; a perception that others can “pull off” what one cannot. It could be just a genuine concern that the person wearing a caftan or harem pants just doesn’t look that good. Again, that’s completely subjective, though. A matter of taste: one of my most commented/liked posts/instagrams was my Emerson Fry linen caftan, which is gigantic, and not at all conventionally “flattering” and all of the comments were positive.
I find all of this fascinating. I’ve become much more tolerant in my older age of others sartorial choices, but perhaps that’s mostly because mine are so out there, and you know, karma…
What do you think? How do you deal with people who don’t “understand” what you’re wearing, or why you’re wearing it? Do you get negative reactions from loved ones about your wardrobe? What do you think of “flattering”? What is your favorite thing to wear that others hate?
I’m reminded of a strange episode at a shoe store.. I had on a nifty pair of brogues and a woman came up to me and said, “those are the ugliest shoes I’ve ever seen!” Without thinking, and without so much as meeting her eye, I answered, “How fortunate then, that you don’t have to wear them.” One of the few times that the right thing came trippingly to the tongue!
Man!! Good comeback! I always think of those after I walk away…
Love this topic so much! I like to wear brightly colored or patterned pants to work sometimes, and my coworkers have commented that they are “interesting” and “different.” (I think that’s the closest thing to an insult here in Minnesota.) As a short and petite person, I frequently buy and wear stuff out of the children’s section, which I know is weird. And I love flats and sneakers, even though I’m “supposed” to be wearing heels to make me look taller. I’ve also been wearing flared jeans for the past 20 years straight, regardless of when they’ve been in or out.
As a former Minnesotan, that is “Minnesota nice”! 😉
My mother hates my “baby doll flats,” as she calls them…she means ballet flats. But at 55, I’m LONG past caring! She thinks I should wear heels. My husband loves when I wear a cozy, oversized sweater, jeans, and no makeup. It’s almost always when he says, “You look pretty today” and has googly eyes for me. I’d love it if he’d notice when I actually DO dress up! I don’t think he’s crazy about color on me, but it must be a NY’er thing…he loves when I wear black. My friends seem to like the way I dress, but that’s based on their suggestions that I start my own personal shopping service or image consulting business. Flattering, but a little scary. I’m working on it! (ME, I mean)
Everyone hates my Birkenstock Boston clogs except ME. And I wear them all the damn time. 🙂
you and me both!! wearing them right now 🙂
funny, i haven’t had any negative comments on mine, only one positive one – from someone who also has a pair, so maybe that doesn’t count LOL
ha. interesting is always sort of a back-handed compliment or whatever i think…but they could say worse things i guess!
i’m all in favor of flats and sneakers, i just want to be comfortable, and no matter what i do, i can’t be taller…so, might as well wear what i want!!!
i’ve tried flared jeans a few times since i stopped wearing them several years ago and i just can’t wrap my head around them anymore. i don’t know why, they just don’t look right on me – or i just don’t like them on me anymore. maybe it’s because i don’t wear heels anymore?
your husband is amazing 🙂 keep him! LOL
you should start your own service or BLOG. yes, you. you would be wonderful at it! you could do striped shirt interventions. not for people who have too many, for people who don’t have enough 😉
Hmmm – if it wasn’t as rude as strangers (or friends) making negative comments on your appearance or clothing choices, my co-worker says she often wants to say “thank you so much – for your uninteresting and uninformed opinion”
Just about every man I’ve ever dated has hated that I wore (and wear) so much black. I rarely asked why, mostly because I didn’t really want to know.
I don’t think there’s anything my spouse ‘hates’ me to wear .. except ‘maybe’ heels. He’s 5ft 6 and I’m 5ft 4 so if I wear heels, I’m taller than he is .. lol. But he’s never said anything to me .. 🙂
I’m probably more critical of him .. I loath the fact that he wears shorts and flip flops 365 days of the year and when we go out to dinner he’ll ask .. Do I have to wear pants? Cuz he wants to wear shorts and flip flops!! When I say “no” he’ll say “it’s SoCal and it’s a beach town” – like he was born in SoCal, only he’s a Canadian from Edmonton 😛
Monica.
I wish my husband liked black on me as much. He prefers colors on me. After mostly wearing blacks, navy and other dark tones in my teens and twenties (incl. a lengthy stint of borrowing my Dad’s menswear and wearing men’s style shoes), I did get into more jewel tones since we’ve been together (part of feeling more confident, more experimental) in the past ten years. But now the pendulum started swinging back, as I am more drawn to black, gray, cream, ivory now (also makes it easier p keep a more streamlined wardrobe). He commented regretfully on the change back. 😉
Otherwise, he’s only complained about a thick, blue sweatshirt-style tee that I used to wear to dance club parties. Said it was not flattering.
Such interesting conversation.
I cannot figure out what my BF likes – sometimes when I dress in front of him he’ll say nah… And sometimes when I come home wearing something I expect he’ll hate, he says I look good.
I guess he’s figured out how to spot if I look confident in something.
Except kimonos. He hates them, and everyone else loves them.
I’ve never received comments from anyone else, but I have a friend that I really want to comment on her choices, but I know I shouldn’t! She has her style, and should be allowed. It’s just she’s not happy in her clothes, but also hates being corrected…
For sure voluminous clothes are ones that make me feel like I stand out a little more than I’d like. I love oversized comfort and I love the look of the style too. Give me swishy maxi skirts in luxurious fabrics, balloon-shaped long dresses that make me float, and wide palazzo pants that move with dramatic flare. I don’t care to show skin (almost never the legs) or emphasize body curves or any of what is commonly considered to be a “flattering” look. And on top of that I wear very little color too. which my husband is openly getting tired of, but he’s going to have to put up with it for now. I love my wardrobe and I don’ t like to stand out in the crowd, but I care less about that than I care about feeling good in my clothes.
my husband gets pretty frustrated at my lack of color also, but that’s not changing! my whole family has a hard time with it actually…my father is always trying to get me in a little color, even buying it for me. people have such reactions to black, and/or neutrals…
on another note, or maybe not, i just LOVED your post on enclothed cognition (http://www.loritironpandit.com/enclothed-cognition/). particularly what you said about flux being a sign of weakness. i used to think that also, but now, i absolutely don’t, it’s a sign of life, i think.
“I’m interested in what makes people react so negatively to unconventional silhouettes”
I’ve been thinking about this for days, trying to figure out why I’m intrigued by the idea you trotted out here, and I keep coming back to punk rock, which was all about deliberately challenging and violating conventional aesthetic tastes. Of course, punk rock also had its own codified aesthetic (handy for tribal identification).
So I think maybe people react strongly to a woman who’s rocking an unconventional silhouette is their own uncertainty about how to categorize her — what are her values and cultural identifiers? And I think maybe they’re disturbed by the idea of a woman who boldly states, “I don’t waste mental and emotional energy on trying to keep up with commercial ideas of attractiveness.” Because a woman who doesn’t depend on conventional external validation is a dangerous woman indeed …
yes. excellent assessment. we like to put people in neat little boxes, don’t we. i know i’d probably prefer it that way (it’s so much easier if everyone would just fit nicely into our pre-conceived notions of them)…but i’m coming to understand that NO ONE DOES. you’re right though, it does make it very hard to size one up who doesn’t fit into a box. and it’s threatening, puts people on guard. i understand that…i’m not going to give in to it, but i can understand the fear to a certain extent…
How do you like the Harem pants? I have been tempted and really like the look, but as a plus size am concerned about looking too balloonish. How do they were?
i love them! i feel like on me, they look like a long skirt more than pants most of the time, if i’m just walking or whatever. whenever i wear them i get a lot of compliments! the key is getting the right size/fit, and i think the longer the better…
Man, I’ve been thinking about this question ever since I read it! I still haven’t figured this out. My partner doesn’t really comment unless I ask, and most of the time I don’t ask!! I asked once about a teal cocoon dress and he said it wasn’t flattering so I returned it. I bloody regret it and now have a watch on an Internet site looking for a second hand one (as it is sold out now).
Baggy, unstructured clothes eg harem pants, very baggy boyfriends get disapproving looks from my mother. I do remind her from time to time that I have a different style aesthetic to her!
Ps the two outfits you have on this post are two of my favs!