I don’t want any “new” clothes. I’m really very (really) happy with my wardrobe right now. I don’t need anything today, or for the foreseeable future. Haha…seems like I always say that…
The problem is that for me, these last fourteen years, clothing has been content. It’s not like I’m seeking out things to buy only to write about them (sometimes I do, if I think it will be interesting, or helpful) but posting outfits and reviewing things I buy is what I do here. And I do love to try new things and designers. I love what I do. LOVE IT.
But right now, I feel like I’m chasing something I cannot find by buying more clothes. And honestly, I get a little disappointed in myself when I DO buy new clothes. First, because like I said, I didn’t usually need whatever it is I bought, and second, I’m trying to move beyond the idea that just because I want something AND can have it, I should just get it. That has been my lifelong struggle. It’s almost that the idea that I can have what I want to have is more important than the thing I want, or ANYTHING ELSE AT THE MOMENT. Which is the most disconcerting of all. I definitely get a high when I buy something I don’t really need, but want, then a high when I receive it, and an immediate low when I add it to my wardrobe (unless it’s something that I do really NEED AND WANT). Yeah, I know how that sounds.
For fuck’s sake, I’m 45 years old. I’m tired of acting like a toddler when it comes to “wanting” things.
Yes, I should enjoy the fruits of my labor, and what I have earned (but also have been lucky to have had support to accomplish, let’s be honest) over the years, but as Tania said recently in a comment ” how many ….. does one need?” If you want more whatevers, or need them, then fine, (who am I or anyone to say how many black dresses, or linen pants one needs??) but I neither WANT nor NEED any more of anything. It’s the recognition that I/you no longer need or want any more whatevers that’s important here.
What I really want is to enjoy and appreciate what I have. And I cannot do that when I’m constantly adding new things.
Of course, there’s the rub. It’s not all about clothes and wardrobe.
Yes, I still need to find a good therapist LOL
Anyway, all this is to say that I’m quietly going to be not buying anything this summer (June, July & August). It’s not a rule, and I’m not going to beat myself up if I do buy something, but for me, always, discipline = freedom (I heard that first from Jocko Willink on Tim Ferriss’ podcast and I haven’t stopped thinking about it). I know this about myself.
When I am generally disciplined, I feel more free. I don’t give myself a choice whether to go to Pure Barre 4-5 days a week, I just do it. I don’t eat things that make me feel bad. EVEN SOUR CANDIES, which are my favorite. I brush my teeth twice a day. I try to make habits out of the things that are good for me so I don’t have to think about them.
But I’ve never really done that with buying clothes. Yes, I tried several years ago, and really learned a lot about myself and my relationship with my wardrobe, and I’m not shopping or accumulating things in the same way I was before I wrote The Minimal Closet, but some of the same tendencies are still there.
So I am hoping that really trying to discipline myself to NOT buy things this summer will bring the shift I need. I need to work on feeling and moving on from the anxiety that I sometimes feel from not being able to acquire that which I really want. I will need to sit with it and FEEL it because I won’t be able to make it go away by buying the thing.
We’ll see if I can survive it LOL
Of course I can.
Shocking story: my morning routine consists of getting up, taking Dagny for a short walk, drinking hot lemon water, foam rolling, meditating (or just sitting for as long as I can, maybe 10 minutes), preparing my coffee, and taking it upstairs to work. And you know what the first thing I do is when I sit down with my coffee and open my computer??
Check out the new arrivals every day at Shopbop.
I kid you not, I have done this religiously for a decade. And it is easy because I have my browser set up to open several tabs when I launch it and Shopbop is one. I also earn credit at Shopbop every month to spend there, so I’m always looking for something to buy.
But I changed it yesterday so from now on instead of Shopbop, it opens Brain Pickings 🙂
Again, this is not a RULE, and I’m not going to obsess over NOT buying, I’m just going to make an effort not to buy any new clothes for three months. That’s it. I did order a skirt from Garmentory earlier this week that will arrive today, and a replacement pair of Vince blair sneakers, so you’ll see those as “new” over the summer. And my Elizabeth Suzann order of linen florence pants should be arriving late this month or early July. Speaking of ES, I will probably place an order in August for the clyde culottes to replace the ones I sold that were too big only because I’d like to have them for fall, and the wait time and all…
Mostly I’m looking forward to, ironically, thinking more about my wardrobe and what I choose to have in it, this summer. No, I will never NOT be thinking about clothes! But I am trying to shift that thinking again.
And I’d like to wear more outfits like the one I’m wearing today: old with new, simple, easy and comfortable. Nothing special or fancy, just individual pieces and an outfit that feels like me. Like I said, what I really want is to enjoy and appreciate what I have.
note: I was going to do a recap of my wardrobe audit and 2018 wardrobe planning along with this post but I think I’ll wait until next week to do an update. Yes, I’m still doing well with paying off credit card debt and I’m not using money I don’t have to buy things, so that’s not what happened here. I just don’t want more stuff.