Ace & Jig Johnny Jumper (small) – on sale!! (secondhand Ace & Jig at the Real Real)
Beklina Alpaca turtleneck (small)
Golden Goose hi-star sneakers – secondhand Golden Goose at the Real Real
Well, I finally found out what has been bothering me these last several weeks.
I’m pregnant.
Take a moment, catch your breath. It took me a while to wrap my head around that.
Today, I am 8 weeks. I’ve had an ultrasound and saw the fetus and the heartbeat, I have another on Monday. I am taking a low dose of progesterone to get the levels up a little bit. My doctor is optimistic, in spite of my advanced age (46).
I’m pretty fertile, but my body doesn’t hold on to pregnancies. With my last (third) pregnancy with my ex-husband, more than 15 years ago, I went to get an ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. I don’t remember how far along I was, but I think it was 4-6 weeks.
My history and thoughts on deciding NOT to have children are in this article, if you’re new here, or just need a refresher. But yes, my husband I decided many ago not to try and have kids, and while it was a complicated decision, I reached the point that I was happy with it; ready to move on with life child-free.
Now, I am happy with this. I won’t say my feelings weren’t also complicated, and that I didn’t have conflicting emotions in the beginning. Of course I was shocked, a little upset (we had plans for our child-free life), scared, anxious, scared, scared, and more scared. But I never thought seriously about not proceeding through the pregnancy, which was honestly, a little surprising to me.
Who am I to argue with this (last?) chance? I also knew I would regret it if I didn’t try and see this through. I am healthier now than I was in my late 20’s and 30’s, so perhaps that will mitigate some of my already-high risk?
Of course, I will talk a lot more about this, but this is my “diagnosis,” if you were wondering – I am not perimenopausal, as I thought. I do not have a thyroid problem. I was having debilitating “morning” sickness all day long and was drained by growing a human.
I’m still queasy most of the day, but I’ve found that eating a little every couple of hours helps. Nothing is appetizing at all, but I make myself eat anyway. I have gone to Pure Barre a couple times a week still and my doctor assures me I don’t have to change much of anything diet/exercise-related anyway. I am taking a prenatal vitamin. I spend half the day in the bathroom and the other half sleeping.
I am beyond grateful to be in the position that I can rest and pretty much do as I please when I need to; I know how rare and lucky that is.
I am taking this all in stride; one day at a time, because literally that’s all there is*. I know anything can happen anytime – I am realistic and grounded. But cautiously happy. And just a little afraid.
Happy Friday!!! I hope you all had a merry christmas if you celebrate and are looking forward to the adventures that 2019 might bring 🙂
*I know “convention” holds that you don’t reveal a pregnancy until the second trimester, but 1. I am not superstitious , and 2. I feel like if we talked about early pregnancy more with each other, pregnancy loss wouldn’t be such the solitary and debilitating experience it is.
Congratulations! I had my first baby at 40 and now, at 42, am trying for a second. You can do this!
You think youre tired now?
signed, mother of 3
As we say here in New York City, mazel tov.
Congratulations Grechen! All prayers and good vibes your way. It’s wonderful there’s a heartbeat. That small hurdle, has had me holding my breath and spilling good and bad tears many times! I get it in so many ways. Even though we try to be cautiously optimistic, it’s effing hard. Sea-bands will help with sickness ;), works as acupressure. Take care xx
Congratulations Gretchen! I wish you health and safety during this pregnancy. Can’t wait to see how you interpret maternity wear!!
Wow! Congratulations. I currently live in Greece where its apparently very common for women to have their first children in their late 30s or early 40s now. They aren’t made to feel bad about being “geriatric” at all! Good luck, and good health to you! It will be interesting to see how your style adapts.
Isn’t there a saying something like
“Man plans, God laughs” maybe Yiddish??
What joyous news, many months to go so resting up sounds like a great plan. Thank you for sharing your emotions and thoughts with us!!
yes! there are so many sayings like that…because it’s so true…
thank you 🙂
again, i just think in this country (maybe) there is such a taboo against talking about pregnancy stages, and pregnancy in older women in general that we just don’t see how common it is. same with miscarriage. until i had a couple, i had NO IDEA how common it is for women to miscarry and then go on and have healthy pregnancies. we have this idea that if we don’t name something, or don’t talk about something, it doesn’t exist, and that is so frustrating….and then on the flip side, if we do name something, or talk about something, there’s a superstition around it, like you’re putting it out there, so it is more likely to happen.
ugh
so far my style is elastic waist pants LOL so we’ll see!!
thanks peggy!!
i’m sort of excited about that part LOL – but i actually think i might have a lot already that will carry me through, so hopefully i won’t have to add many things, but i appreciate some of the more ethical maternity choices out there now.
thank you cara!
i did get some psi bands (acupressure) at REI yesterday. so far i’m not sure they’re helping, maybe a little??
thanks 🙂
yay!! thank you 🙂
HOLY CRAP CONGRATULATIONS! I know the many conflicted feelings, as I felt many of the same ones as you when I learned we were having twins, but what a wild ride! Wishing you a wonderful pregnancy.
Wishing you a healthy pregnancy 🙂
The human body is a miraculous thing. We should all give ourselves more credit. I really appreciate how you share your own story.
Congratulations, Grechen and Leo – that is both (soooooo) unexpected and fantastic news! I had to read it twice to make sure I really got it right! Talk about a new year’s “project”.
All good things to for 2019-hope, health, happiness and new adventures.
I so much enjoy your blog and was anxious when I saw the title of this entry–and then my jaw dropped! What amazing news. Best wishes to you and Leo.
Congratulations!!! I’m an older mom too and it’s all good. And you know what? No matter when you have your kids, you’ll at some point be a 46 year old mom. Whatever. Luckily there are many new moms of all ages nowadays so you’ll find your community.
Amazing news – Thank you for sharing, I think we’re all ready to support you along the way! Wishing you all the best!
Congrats! I totally agree with not keeping your pregnancy a secret… I was unmarried and at a new job so I totally did keep my first pregnancy a secret but it was so terribly sad and lonely when I lost it. Now I’m married, well into a career and mom to two now so it all worked out! Good luck, I hope you are able to find happiness however it turns out. Being an older mom has real advantages!
So very very happy for you!!
WOW!! Congratulations, Grechen!
Congratulations, Grechen! I admit to worrying that you were seriously ill, and this was a beautiful relief to read. Thank you for your openness, as always.
I’m so excited that you’re both pregnant at the same time! Life is crazy and beautiful.
Many many congratulations Grechen!! What wonderful news to end the year and to start a new year!!! I can understand the ambivalence because I was/am a “geriatric” mom who gave birth 5 years ago and then just 10 months ago. I’m writing this while nursing my 10 month old son on his Boppy as my 5 year old daughter happily builds Legos with my husband. I wouldn’t have thought six or seven years ago that my life would include kids!
I found lots of naps, a pregnancy belt, and a pregnancy pillow to be lifesavers. I still use the pregnancy pillow today and probably won’t give it up, even though my daughter has begged for it so she can sleep in a “nest”.
Sending lots of good wishes your way! Happy New Year to you!
Congratulations!!! I was worried you were ill for a while, and feel so relieved and delighted by this news! Sending you well wishes and positive energy!! For what it’s worth, my aunt gave birth to my cousin at age 48 and both are healthy and doing well.
Congratulations Grechen! I just saw one of my two friends that had a baby at 46+ last night. That baby is now 18 and they are all doing just fine. Every family is its own thing, and there is not point in comparing. Warmest wishes!
So glad to hear that th diagnosis was such an exciting one! Life can throw such big twists and turns at us at the most unexpected of times. It’s scary but you cannot say it’s not entertaining. Lots of love! And hugs and strength.
Congratulations!
Quite surprising but so beautiful news!!!
As a pediatrician and mom of four, there cannot be enough babies, if you ask me…
Wishing you all the best and really hope, everything works out well for you and the Baby!!!!!
Grechen, congratulations! You are such an inspiration, and I know you will be an amazing mom!
Naps. Lots of naps. You’re growing a baby!!
Congratulations Grechen!
PS I think you are so great, honest & real–someone I could picture being friends with “in real life”. Of course finding out you’re pregnant is a wonderful blessing, but it is totally normal to be a little freaked out about it. I know I was when I found out I was first pregnant & felt kind of guilty that my first response was to feel so scared & nervous, mixed in with disbelief. I was in my 30s & married, but it wasn’t planned so it was a big surprise.
It sounds like you have lots of fantastic supportive readers here. Oh right, and a wonderful support with your husband. I suggest lots of foot rubs (if you like them) and lots of pampering!
Grechen, I’m so so happy for you and your husband! This is such joyous news and what a way to start off 2019!
Thanks for sharing – I agree about the importance of making pregnancy loss less isolating. I hope your energy levels improve soon, and fingers crossed for you!
Wow! Thank you for being so open and good luck with the journey. I’ve also experienced miscarriage and 100% agree that talking about it early is key in getting rid of the stigma.
P.S. you child will be dressed so well 🙂
Many congratulations to you!
Wow! Congratulations. Wishing you all the best.
Wow! Grechen! What incredible news! I could not be happier for you. Happy New Year and best wishes for a fantastic year ahead. I’m looking forward to following along!
On my goodness! Congratulations and best wishes. I am sending you vibes through the Universe that everything goes well with your pregnancy. What a way to end 2018 and start 2019!! (I felt similarly with both my pregnancies – with my first one I kept having to remind myself I was pregnant because I just felt sick and exhausted.)
Congratulations Grechen! I found myself in your same position not so long ago (NEVER thought that would happen!). But it has been pretty darn amazing! You’ll be a great mom!
joyce!!!!
thank you 🙂
Grechen, you beautiful soul! I am grilled for you!
Thrilled^^!!!
haha!! thank you. I quite like “grilled” though lol
Congratulations!! I don’t comment much but this is such incredible news! I cannot imagine the mixed emotions you must be feeling-all valid. It is fascinating that no one wants to talk about pregnancy in the early weeks. I decided to tell my very close co-workers about my pregnancy very early on because I was constantly sick and constantly stuffing my face with carbs (eating ALL THE BAGELS). My husband wasn’t happy that I shared so early on and I gave him an earful about how these women would be there for me if anything went wrong with the pregnancy and that as long as it was in my body I would be making decisions about that sort of thing! I have so much respect for you and cannot wait to follow along with your new adventure!
I’m shocked and thrilled for you!! Wishing you the best and excited to follow this new journey with you! I find wardrobe curation and minimalism and capsule-ing and ethics-tracking harder and more frustrating now. So curious to see what your and Elaine’s experiences are (whether solidarity or inspiration, I’m in). xx
Congratulations Gretchen!!!
Whoa! Congratulations!
Holy catfish! What a surprise “diagnosis”—and a bit of a relief as it wasn’t some serious illness. My mom started at 37 in the 1960s and had four kids. We’ve all done very well : ) She claims we kept her young. Wishing you much peace and joy as you navigate this wild new chapter of your life. Sending positive, anti-anxiety thoughts your way. If those aren’t enough, you might try Belleruth Naparstek’s guided meditations. Those have done wonders for my ability to sleep. Congratulations to you and your husband!
thank you!
Grechen, I’m an semi-regular reader, commenting here for the very first time. I almost wrote you to suggest pregnancy when I read that you were tired and feeling unwell, but then chickened out, not wanting you to be freaked out by a complete stranger. I’m so glad I was right, and even more glad that you shared your wonderful news, thank you. From a mom of three who had the last one at age 40, best wishes to you throughout your journey! I very much look forward to reading your updates.