Ace & Jig Johnny Jumper (small) – on sale!! (secondhand Ace & Jig at the Real Real)
Beklina Alpaca turtleneck (small)
Golden Goose hi-star sneakers – secondhand Golden Goose at the Real Real
Well, I finally found out what has been bothering me these last several weeks.
I’m pregnant.
Take a moment, catch your breath. It took me a while to wrap my head around that.
Today, I am 8 weeks. I’ve had an ultrasound and saw the fetus and the heartbeat, I have another on Monday. I am taking a low dose of progesterone to get the levels up a little bit. My doctor is optimistic, in spite of my advanced age (46).
I’m pretty fertile, but my body doesn’t hold on to pregnancies. With my last (third) pregnancy with my ex-husband, more than 15 years ago, I went to get an ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. I don’t remember how far along I was, but I think it was 4-6 weeks.
My history and thoughts on deciding NOT to have children are in this article, if you’re new here, or just need a refresher. But yes, my husband I decided many ago not to try and have kids, and while it was a complicated decision, I reached the point that I was happy with it; ready to move on with life child-free.
Now, I am happy with this. I won’t say my feelings weren’t also complicated, and that I didn’t have conflicting emotions in the beginning. Of course I was shocked, a little upset (we had plans for our child-free life), scared, anxious, scared, scared, and more scared. But I never thought seriously about not proceeding through the pregnancy, which was honestly, a little surprising to me.
Who am I to argue with this (last?) chance? I also knew I would regret it if I didn’t try and see this through. I am healthier now than I was in my late 20’s and 30’s, so perhaps that will mitigate some of my already-high risk?
Of course, I will talk a lot more about this, but this is my “diagnosis,” if you were wondering – I am not perimenopausal, as I thought. I do not have a thyroid problem. I was having debilitating “morning” sickness all day long and was drained by growing a human.
I’m still queasy most of the day, but I’ve found that eating a little every couple of hours helps. Nothing is appetizing at all, but I make myself eat anyway. I have gone to Pure Barre a couple times a week still and my doctor assures me I don’t have to change much of anything diet/exercise-related anyway. I am taking a prenatal vitamin. I spend half the day in the bathroom and the other half sleeping.
I am beyond grateful to be in the position that I can rest and pretty much do as I please when I need to; I know how rare and lucky that is.
I am taking this all in stride; one day at a time, because literally that’s all there is*. I know anything can happen anytime – I am realistic and grounded. But cautiously happy. And just a little afraid.
Happy Friday!!! I hope you all had a merry christmas if you celebrate and are looking forward to the adventures that 2019 might bring 🙂
*I know “convention” holds that you don’t reveal a pregnancy until the second trimester, but 1. I am not superstitious , and 2. I feel like if we talked about early pregnancy more with each other, pregnancy loss wouldn’t be such the solitary and debilitating experience it is.
Grechen, I’m so so happy for you and your husband! This is such joyous news and what a way to start off 2019!
Thanks for sharing – I agree about the importance of making pregnancy loss less isolating. I hope your energy levels improve soon, and fingers crossed for you!
Wow! Thank you for being so open and good luck with the journey. I’ve also experienced miscarriage and 100% agree that talking about it early is key in getting rid of the stigma.
P.S. you child will be dressed so well 🙂
Many congratulations to you!
Wow! Congratulations. Wishing you all the best.
Wow! Grechen! What incredible news! I could not be happier for you. Happy New Year and best wishes for a fantastic year ahead. I’m looking forward to following along!
On my goodness! Congratulations and best wishes. I am sending you vibes through the Universe that everything goes well with your pregnancy. What a way to end 2018 and start 2019!! (I felt similarly with both my pregnancies – with my first one I kept having to remind myself I was pregnant because I just felt sick and exhausted.)
Congratulations Grechen! I found myself in your same position not so long ago (NEVER thought that would happen!). But it has been pretty darn amazing! You’ll be a great mom!
joyce!!!!
thank you 🙂
Grechen, you beautiful soul! I am grilled for you!
Thrilled^^!!!
haha!! thank you. I quite like “grilled” though lol
Congratulations!! I don’t comment much but this is such incredible news! I cannot imagine the mixed emotions you must be feeling-all valid. It is fascinating that no one wants to talk about pregnancy in the early weeks. I decided to tell my very close co-workers about my pregnancy very early on because I was constantly sick and constantly stuffing my face with carbs (eating ALL THE BAGELS). My husband wasn’t happy that I shared so early on and I gave him an earful about how these women would be there for me if anything went wrong with the pregnancy and that as long as it was in my body I would be making decisions about that sort of thing! I have so much respect for you and cannot wait to follow along with your new adventure!
I’m shocked and thrilled for you!! Wishing you the best and excited to follow this new journey with you! I find wardrobe curation and minimalism and capsule-ing and ethics-tracking harder and more frustrating now. So curious to see what your and Elaine’s experiences are (whether solidarity or inspiration, I’m in). xx
Congratulations Gretchen!!!
Whoa! Congratulations!
Holy catfish! What a surprise “diagnosis”—and a bit of a relief as it wasn’t some serious illness. My mom started at 37 in the 1960s and had four kids. We’ve all done very well : ) She claims we kept her young. Wishing you much peace and joy as you navigate this wild new chapter of your life. Sending positive, anti-anxiety thoughts your way. If those aren’t enough, you might try Belleruth Naparstek’s guided meditations. Those have done wonders for my ability to sleep. Congratulations to you and your husband!
thank you!
Grechen, I’m an semi-regular reader, commenting here for the very first time. I almost wrote you to suggest pregnancy when I read that you were tired and feeling unwell, but then chickened out, not wanting you to be freaked out by a complete stranger. I’m so glad I was right, and even more glad that you shared your wonderful news, thank you. From a mom of three who had the last one at age 40, best wishes to you throughout your journey! I very much look forward to reading your updates.