I have felt a shift recently. A movement away from wanting everything, to not wanting much, and being happy (in fact, delighted) with what I have. As I browse online, I absolutely see things I love, and think I want/need (…these Robert Clergerie slides for one…), but the desire is fleeting. I have learned to close the window, or move on to other things, and shift my focus back to the experience of writing and sharing my passion, instead of wanting more stuff.
I’ve trained my brain, I think, to focus on the present, and what is important right now. I’m not meditating, or doing anything very different than I did a month ago, except that I’ve become more aware and perhaps more accepting of myself. A lot of this has to do with circumstances too – lack of money circumstances. It helps that I simply don’t have money to spend on clothes anymore, so I have to shift gears a bit. But even when I do have a little extra spending money, it’s harder for me to part with it now, especially if it’s in cash.
I realize now that I don’t need more than one of something, or maybe two. Two pairs of jeans, actually, because I like to have a skinny/fitted + a slouchy/less-fitted pair. But more than that seems excessive. Also, ankle boots. Since I got these Rag & Bone boots I’ve become obsessed. I wear them constantly, and have even started thinking about what will happen when I wear them out. Should I try and find another pair now? Should I try and find a different pair, so I don’t wear these out?
This is a subject that deserves much more in-depth analysis, and I’ll provide that in another post, but I’m beginning to realize that I can simply enjoy what I have right now – each individual thing – boots, jeans, etc., without worrying too much about whether I’ll still have them in 5 years, or that I should have a “backup” pair.
I’ve spent much too much time thinking about that – worrying – for nothing. In the end, when I’ve decided to buy a second color (not color, obviously, but maybe a black version of something I have already in white) of something I love, I don’t end up wearing it as much as the original.
And it’s hardly ever the case that I’ve worn something completely out and wanted the exact thing again. There’s always something different/better that I can replace it with. Why not just enjoy the thing while it lasts, REALLY enjoy it, instead of tainting that joy with thoughts of a future without it?
Ah. Well, that gets to the heart of it doesn’t it…
oh… I need to sit with this one for a while.