Hackwith Design House high-waisted bikini bottoms (M) and tie top (S) (altered to make it a halter top*)
Still House necklace | mine is from my partnership with Aro (use code GC15 for 15% off)
You’ve heard it right? The answer to all those magazine articles every summer proclaiming the best ways to get your body bikini-ready? Here’s all there is to it: get a bikini, and put your body in it**.
It doesn’t sound so hard, does it? Oh…but it is. I didn’t think I had a bikini body. And yes, I believed there was a thing.
I have thunderous thighs: thunderous JIGGLY thighs, saddlebags that jut out incongruously from my upper thighs, just THERE, never going anywhere. And Hips. I have hips. They stick out too.
And although I have a slim waistline, I’ve got a belly now, and a second boob area below my bra line. Forties…
My upper arms are swingy and droopy and right above my elbows I have a little fold of fat that just hangs out there. You’ve seen it.
But, as it turns out I DO HAVE a bikini body. All I needed was a bikini. So last year, at age 42, I bought my first bikini. This one by Hackwith Design House. NEVER in a million years did I ever think I’d wear a bikini; wearing a bathing suit of any kind was traumatic enough, let alone one that showed my stomach.
I don’t know where this idea came from, but it’s always been with me: that I should not subject the people around me to my fatness. That I should try my best to look like I was NOT fat. That is how I proceeded through high school and college, keeping covered in baggy clothes and moving quietly through life, so that no one would see me. Who wanted to look at me? Why should they? I was so fat. And consequently, ugly.
Gradually, I’ve overcome that; posting pictures of myself online both helps and hurts. And I’m not going to lie, losing weight helped too. Mostly, Pure Barre has made the biggest difference; I FEEL strong and beautiful every day I’m in the studio, and beyond. But the feeling still tiptoes in here and there. Sometimes I’ll look at myself in a fitted JP dress without spanx on and think “oy, who wants to see your saddlebags sticking out like that?? put your spanx on!!” And others, I’ll say f-it and let it all hang out.
Now, I’m just saying f-you more often. To the voices in my head mostly, but also to whoever ingrained in me early on that I should be ashamed of my body because it was bigger than other girls’.
That’s also, incidentally, how I approach my personal style. I started to write this entire post on finding my style, as an answer to a question I received, either in a comment or in an email, recently asking me to expand more on that subject. The easy answer to that is I haven’t really; I don’t think I really have a style, besides black dresses, black pants, and black skirts, with white tops, of course.
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the key to my personal style is saying f-off to the nasty, negative voices in my head, and wearing what I like.
*The top was too big for me in the boob area, and I hated the tie back (since I spend all my time in the pool sitting in it with my back against the wall), so I took it to my tailor to have her sew the back together and cut the straps to make it into a halter top. Much better 🙂 and I didn’t have to buy a new top!!
**And of course there’s also the oft-referenced, “How To get your body Caftan Ready for summer.”
I love this post, Grechen. Thanks to you, I decided that I too can (and do) have a bikini body too! I went on the Hackwith Design House site the other day after I saw your Instagram pic of you in this gorgeous bikin and I bought myself a 2 piece! I’ve actually had bikini’s in the past but could never wear them with any confidence b/c of my own voices in my head. But I’m flipping the switch and can’t wait to proudly wear my bikini!
Grechen – you are not fat and certainly not ugly! Too bad we have to spend so much of our lives worrying about what others think of us (turns out they too are preoccupied with what they think about themselves).
You look beautiful in that suit – and the modifications sound perfect.
By the way, I did make it to Dallas the week you were in Arkansas. We loved the museums we were able to visit when the conference ended (way too hot to even consider walking around outside), and we were very depressed by the horrible and disrespectful bumper stickers/buttons about Hilary (don’t vote for her if you don’t like her politics but don’t be hateful, misogynistic and downright crude – America, you’re bigger than that) and also very disturbed by the number of guns people were carrying. The hotel even warned us about their policy against open carry – good God, first time I’ve ever had that in years of travel. I can only say that it made me very sad and very glad to arrive home to my peace-loving, respectful politics, and gun-control friendly Canada.
Sorry – not intending to be disrespectful and what does that have to do with bikinis and how good you look in that one!
ha! no problem Chris, i understand what you’re saying 😉
i’m very sorry i missed you while you were here!
yay! it’s a wonderful feeling!!! i hope you enjoy it and wear it well 🙂
In case you’d like something to followup on the perennial favorite on caftans 🙂
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/etiquette-tips-for-women-who-insist-on-aging
OMG. Where has this been all my life??? Brilliant. Thanks so much for sharing 🙂
Love this post! Thank you.
The voices! That battle is one I am still trying to conquer at 51! I’m much better-but yes they still like to creep in and narrow in on the roll of back fat or the bitch about the dreaded stomach. Thank you for posting. I’m really getting close to buying that bikini!
You look great! Awesome tip about enlisting the tailor for help to remake your top. I’ve also been seriously considering trying some high waisted bikinis, I love the retro vibe. I always wear a bikini and I’m 47, fluffy and have cellulite/jiggly arms. Part of it is age and part of it is lack of exercise in recent years. But here’s the thing, it is easier for me to find a comfy and flattering fit in a bikini. Attempting to cover bumps and rolls with a tight fighting fabric squeezes our rolls, which makes us look bigger. I honestly feel the less fabric squeezing us in, the better we look and more importantly feel. I like bikinis with adjustable sides (not necessarily string but the type where the string goes through a loop and can be tightened/untightened) because I’m rarely exactly the same on any given weekend. Even if I’m a little puffy one week, I can loosen those ties and still get a flattering, non-grabby fit. It’s the same thing with lingerie, the less we are squeezing our rolls, the better the fit. Also buying the top and bottom separately is so much easier size wise. I always have black tops and bottoms. Then if I spot a cute colorful piece on sale, I can always pair with one of my basic black pieces to mix it up. Trying to find a one piece that flatters, fits my shape and fits my torso length at 5’1″ is a curvy petite nightmare, I don’t even bother. Except for exercise swimming in the backyard pool, for that I’ll use a basic speedo that is cheap on Amazon and can stand up to constant chlorine abuse. I found my evening summer swims in the backyard pool were destroying my cuter suits so I turned to speedo, which can last me a few years before I need to replace (haven’t swam in months, note to self! it’s so hot, I need to start that again). I recall reading somewhere that in many parts of Europe, women wear bikinis at all ages, it’s no big deal. I think it’s partly an American thing that we think donning a bikini has an expiration date.
Really loved this post Grechen!
thank you stacy 🙂
totally agree on sizing issues – i will never not buy bikinis from now on. honestly, i don’t wear swimsuits much, it’s actually way too hot here for the pool (the water is warm) and otherwise, i get cold if the sun’s not beating down on me. and we haven’t been to the beach in a while…
anyway, i love being able to buy two different sizes, and when I was thinking about replacing my top, i found all sorts of cool options, and if i want, i can absolutely mix and match top & bottom until my heart’s content LOL
yes…those voices. i have definitely noticed that they’re quieter, but they’re still there. like i said, i’m just getting better at telling them to f-off 🙂
thank you lee 🙂
I love this post, Grechen! You look so beautiful! I’ve seen the bathing suits on Hackwith Design House and am always so happy that they show models who are larger than a size 0 wearing them. Growing up, I wasn’t allowed to wear a bikini because it was “immodest,” so I’ve never actually worn one. But I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin now than I ever did in my 20s. Maybe I should get one eventually. 🙂
Love this post, Grechen, thank you!! I actually love buying bikinis but then once I’m at the beach, pool etc and see all the skinnier, younger, fitter bodies around me, I’ll quickly slip on a cover-up. Regular clothes too, if I wear something out of my comfort zone (mainly anything sleeveless), I might be ok leaving the house but then will spend the day super self-conscious and resisting the temptation to go home to change or worse, go into a store to buy something to wear.
I love this post and I think you look great and that’s a gorgeous bikini. I tend to be hyper critical of myself and I really need to work on being more accepting of my thighs and my mama tummy.
Dear Grechen-
Thank you for this post and I agree you do look great. A good reminder to relax and enjoy.
I’m going to Provincetown at the end of August and could use some ideas on what to take- Linen for sure!
Best, gena
great post. this is why you’re one of my favorite bloggers! you don’t look and dress like a lot of other fashion bloggers and it is very refreshing. my body changed a lot after i had my son and it wasn’t until recently that i got over my body image issues. it’s like as I get older, it doesn’t matter as much anymore. i have other sh*t to worry about!
Also for that top, how did you alter it? did you take it in to a tailer or do it yourself? i’m loving it.
Ditto! I think I am seriously in love with the entire blog!
With you all the way. I put my 59-year body into an Arak bikini and never mind what anyone thinks but me and my husband.
I think you’re totally right about Europeans and even South Americans appreciating a woman’s body in all shapes and sizes. I’d love to get a bikini with a high waist, but I have a tummy that hadn’t seen the sun in decades, and stretch marks from 3 births. I don’t want to frighten small children! 😉
I know…self-deprecation covers the hurt.